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The Question Is the Key

Fight imposter syndrome by asking yourself these key questions.

By Kathy BourquePublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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Photo by Eunice Lituañas on Unsplash

Years ago I was asked to be the keynote speaker at a conference called Women of Achievement. I love this type of event and was honored that I was asked. But as the date drew closer, I really started to worry that they had chosen me because of some misperception.

I heard the bully in my head start to grumble about how this must be some sort of mistake. After all, who am I to think that I can say anything that will be of interest? I am sure there are smarter, skinnier, more lovely people in the audience that would have been a better pick. (For some reason, the bully always points toward my limiting beliefs focused on my weight!).

I have seen this type of thing happen over and over again. Among friends, colleagues and even those I admire, who seem to have it all together.

At the time, I had never heard about impostor syndrome. Of course, now, it seems to be everywhere I look. Perhaps that is because I have spent the last 10 years of my life studying mindset, and the power we have to create our lives if we can take note of our limiting beliefs. Maybe, it’s because I am always looking at ways to develop myself and others.

But mostly, it’s because I still struggle with it to this day.

If you have ever tried something new, you have probably experienced this phenomenon yourself. In fact, most people have.

According to an article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, approximately 70% of people experience imposter feelings at some point in their lives. From medical students to dentists to librarians and corporate executives, the imposter syndrome affects people from all walks of life.

However, from the research I have done, people feel it in direct proportion to caring how much other people think about them and the importance they put on the situation.

The bully in our heads (or inner critic ) is really trying to protect us from failure. But at what expense? If it helps slow us down to consider all the ramifications of a decision, that is one thing. But if it is screaming so loud that it impedes any progress we could make, it is a problem.

I have found that it helps to take notes of what the bully is saying. And then refute the statements. It helps to find evidence to back up why you are in the position you are in, whether that’s a new raise, a new position, or being asked to speak to a group of high-achieving peers.

The best way to do this is by asking the right questions:

  • What have I done in the past that supports this situation?
  • What is another way of looking at the circumstances?
  • What other perspectives are there?

So, in my speaking example, when I asked myself about my accomplishments that landed me in the situation I was in, I found evidence to support the reason for being asked to speak.

When I heard the bully say “What could you possibly say that they haven’t already heard?” I answered that it didn’t matter as long as I could help one person get past their limiting beliefs.

On more than one occasion, the thought that pops into my head is “What will people think?”

I am sure this stems from my people pleasing perfectionist tendencies, but I have learned to listen when my mind whispers the thought.

Why? You might ask? Because if it is saying that, then whatever I’m doing is something that is pretty important to me. Just by knowing this, I start to turn that worry into excitement. Excitement for the possibilities and excitement for the feelings afterward that accompany trying something new, no matter the outcome.

The most powerful process I have for fighting the imposter syndrome is to take notice of the thoughts that pop into my head that are limiting beliefs. I physically write them in a journal. Just seeing them on paper often shows me how ludicrous the bully is. Many times, I have already proved my inner critic wrong, she just forgot to notice. At those times, I gently remind her to back off and reassure her that no matter what, I will be okay.

By asking myself these key questions and focusing on the positive aspects and what it could mean for someone else, I start to enjoy the situation I find myself in and make a pact with myself to keep pushing outside of my comfort zone.

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