The Power of Rationing Your Fucks

If you haven’t noticed by now, I tend to have a fairly colorful vocabulary and it’s not something I’ll apologize for - however, I do believe it’s appropriate that I warn you in advance that this episode may have more than your usual number of expletives given the subject at hand.

I was recently chatting with a good friend about our love for the stronger words in life and how the assumption used to be that if someone cursed a lot, it was because they were ignorant or uneducated, and couldn’t think of any other words to use. We, however, have agreed, that we both know plenty of other words, and are both quite well-educated ladies - however, we choose to use the words we do, because sometimes a situation just calls for a good screamed FUCK.

If you’re a self-improvement addicted book-worm like myself I’m sure you’re familiar with the countless books making the rounds in book-clubs around the world that spotlight the F-word on their cover. I’ve heard critics debate on if this uptick in the F-word is a desperate attempt to garner attention, appear hip & cool, for the shock factor, or to make an actual statement.

Personally, I think it’s interesting, the authors that are choosing to take back the power of a word that for so long has been seen as something dirty & bad - when really, words only have the power we give them - at least that’s my opinion.

A few of the F-word laden titles I’ve personally explored are:

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

Unfuck Yourself by Gary John Bishop

While each of these authors has a slightly different approach, and area of focus when it comes to using the F-word one thing that all of these books seem to have in common, is the importance of intentionally deciding what things and people you choose to give a fuck about.

As someone who spent far too much of her life-giving far too many fucks about everyone & everything around her, trust me, learning how to ration your fucks is life-changing and nearly as important as having a positive and intentional mindset.

So, today’s lesson is going to be all about how to quasi-politely, or without offending too many people that matter, ration your fucks.

To start, let’s agree on some basics.

First, everyone gives a fuck about something. No one alive is completely indifferent to everything and devoid of fucks. And, while many people attempt to hide their feelings and fucks behind a facade, the folks who try to play it off that they give NO fucks about anything, are often the folks that give the most fucks about the most worthless things.

To quote Joe Rogan - “I’m pretending I don’t give a fuck by saying, ‘I don’t give a fuck,’ and by putting that out there, I’m making a conscious decision to not give a fuck, but in doing so, I’m now giving a fuck about not giving a fuck. Which means - that in the end - you give a fuck.”

What’s important to realize is that those folks who we assume don’t give any fucks - because we disagree with their choices - are just giving a fuck about different things than yourself. Take for example a serial killer - from all outward appearances it might be easy for someone quasi-normal such as myself to make the assumption that a serial killer gives no fucks - because they kill people & are basically a bad person. When in reality, maybe they give a ton of fucks about kittens, sourdough starters, and diy’ing suits made of skin. Point being - their fucks are just super different than mine.

Another basic we need to agree on - it’s important to give a fuck sometimes.

If you don’t give a fuck about your business - well - your business isn’t going to last long.

If you don’t give a fuck about your friends or partner - you’ll pretty quickly find yourself with a lot more quiet time on your hands.

So - what I’m saying - is that it’s important to give fucks - BUT it’s equally important that you decide what it is YOU want to give fucks about, as well as realizing that those are not the same fucks that others are going to be focused on.

Kinda like opinions & assholes - we’ve all got them & need to accept that ours may differ from someone else - but it’s also not always necessary to fling your fucks, opinions, or asshole around like streamers in a small-town America parade.

And this is where the issue lies.

Too many of us spend far too much time and energy focused on the fucks that are being given by others. Things that are completely out of our control, and really, in many cases, none of our damned business. But, by spending so much of our lives worried about the fucks being given by our neighbors, we’re losing out on the opportunity to make a real difference in those important things we personally give a really big fuck about.

By focusing on those around us and giving too many fucks about what other people think of us, we’re greatly diminishing the power we have as an individual to make a difference in the world, lean into and live the amazing life we’re destined for. We second guess ourselves, we hesitate, back away from opportunities, and hide from adventure. When in reality, if we’re all being completely honest with ourselves - no one else is thinking or talking about us - they’re too busy giving a fuck about themselves and what other people are thinking of them!

It’s a big-ol-nasty cycle!

So - now that we’ve got all that outta the way - how do you go about rationing your fucks?

Great question!

To start - you’ve gotta figure out what’s really important to you. Like big, huge, non-negotiables. What things matter to you today, and will continue to matter a month from now - a year from now - a decade from now? You get the idea.

Once you know what’s important to you personally, you need to take an even closer look and confirm if these things/people/places are REALLY important to you - or if you see them as important because someone else has pressured you into it?

This can be your friends, family, spouse, life-partner, the media, the government, or your dog.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve wasted years stressing about things that now, looking back, I realize I NEVER gave a flying fuck about.

Like - NONE.

But, because it was such a high priority or major concern for someone else in my life - someone that influenced me - positively or negatively - I was funneling my own fucks into the cause - because I wasn’t strong enough to realize that our fucks are limited and should not be wasted.

Now, 2020 has been a big year for me.

A year of growth & self-discovery.

A year of cutting ties with commitments & obligations that no longer served me - or to be brutally honest - never served me in the first place.

A year of reassessing how I ration my fucks.

A year of leaning into my purpose with passion & turning it into a profession!

Yes, I’m aware it’s also been a year that’ll forever be referred to as a flaming shit-storm in the history books - but really, if we want to be honest, and not simply give in, give up, and count the entire year as a waste like SO many people are - our lives, ARE what we make of them.

Two of my favorite quotes are from the late Carnegie Mellon Professor, Randy Pausch.

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

And, “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.”

If we take anything away from this year - let it be that our fucks, our time, our energy, our focus - they’re ours.

To use, to squander, to pursue, to fling around like confetti.

No one else can give your fucks for you.

That’s all you boo.

So give your fucks wisely.

And, as cheesy as it sounds - keep your eye on the prize.

Anytime I find myself getting overwhelmed, annoyed, or unnecessarily worked up about something - I take a step back - most often metaphorically, but sometimes, physically - like, leaving the room - or hopping in the car & getting lost in the woods for a bit - and reassess.

This “thing” - this “fuck” - that’s bothering me so much right now - in this moment - is it something that matters in the grand scheme of things?

Does it have ANY connection or impact on the things that matter to me?

Those big-hairy-scary-impossible intentions that I’m in the process of manifesting?

Chances are - the answer is no.

And, the solution then is simple - in the memorable words of T-Swift - Shake it off!

If you’re thinking - "Yea, alright, I need to do some work on my fucks" - but, you aren’t quite sure where to start - I’ve put together a course that will lead you through, step by step, uncovering and clarifying your own personal “fucks,” setting intentions, and beginning the process of manifesting those dreams into reality, no matter how big, hairy, scary, or impossible they are.

You can find this course & others @ www.megswrites.com