The Internet Kid

Earlier this year, Bo Burnham released a Netflix comedy special. One of his skits is titled, “Welcome To The Internet.”

Welcome to the internet. Have a look around. Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found. We’ve got mountains of content. Some better, some worse. If none of it’s of interest to you, you’d be the first…

Could I interest you in everything? All of the time? A little bit of everything, all of the time. Apathy’s a tragedy and boredom is a crime. Anything and everything, all of the time.

Despite the humor and crude references sprinkled throughout the jig, I think there is a powerful message nested inside. Can I interest you in everything all of the time?

The use of the internet in our lives has matured past infancy and walked headfirst into full-blown adolescence. And like a child going through puberty, we must face all of the exciting and terrifying physical and mental changes on the horizon.

Can I interest you in everything all of the time? For the first time in the history of ever, the majority of the human population is connected. Access to anything at our fingertips.

I don’t know if we have taken an adequate amount of time to think this one through. Is this something we can handle?

With great power, comes great responsibility.

If a dog sees a squirrel, it barks. Maybe give chase to the squirrel around the park. Wagging its tail as it watches the squirrel climb up the tree. Some would call that natural instinct.

But what happens if the dog sees 100 squirrels, a thousand squirrels, all simultaneously? Every day for 100 days straight. Does it still give chase? Does the dog still bark? Urged forward by its natural tendencies? Or are they suppressed? Muddled down.

Are we no longer chasing the squirrel?

Are we moving too far away from our instincts?

In Disney/Pixar’s movie WALL-E, futuristic humans are portrayed with personal screens in front of their faces all of the time. Motorized scooters for everyone, all of the time. Can I interest you in everything all of the time?

We see a glimpse of their evolution as their physical structure begins to change. Bone density decreases. Fat content increases. Their only source of enjoyment comes in the short bursts following an announcement for the flavor of this week’s dessert. An announcement for the new colored shirt that can be purchased and immediately equipped from your personal screen.

And just as quick as it came, the moment is gone, barely registering on the Richter scale of life. Back to the screens. Back to the same charted path on your motorized scooter. The same conversations with the same people. Everyone is running on the same hamster wheel.

Can I interest you in everything all of the time? Apathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crime.

It takes a trash-compacting robot to snap them out of it. It takes an unsuspecting hero to see the beauty in a single leaf. To see the beauty in Earth.

Yes, there is toxic gas all around us and other unpleasant things that you would rather not think about. Things in nature that will kill you. But disconnecting from the earth and plugging into your screen will not let you hide. That hit of Dopamine to your veins can only go so far.

When you are interested in everything, you act on nothing. And when you act on nothing, you never become anything. And when you never become anything, we mourn your loss. What could have been…

That is the true tragedy and crime, not apathy and boredom.

Because we want and need you to become something.

You don’t need everything all of the time. Because you already are everything. You are the Alpha and the Omega. You are Chaos and Order. Creator and Destroyer. Light and Shadow. Happiness and Sorrow. Victim and oppressor. Warrior and Farmer. Yin and Yang.

It is time to turn this spaceship around and set a course for Earth. It is time to come home. Plant the harvest. Watch the crops grow in fertile soil. Breathe in the oxygen.

Can you filter out the noise? Can you filter out everything all of the time? Or is it holding you back? The digital world has you pinned to the mat. 1…2…3…

Dragging you down like an anchor. How much time are you wasting?

We set our sights and spent our nights waiting for you, you, insatiable you. Mommy let you use her iPad, you were barely two. And it did all the things we designed it to do.

Could I interest you in everything all of the time? Apathy’s a tragedy, and boredom is a crime.

Do you know what I think?

Fuck everything.

Become something.