The Importance of high Self-Esteem

It's easy to discount the importance of having high self-esteem. However, having positive personal regard can be the difference between feeling good about and taking care of yourself and not.

We've likely all heard the advice to believe in yourself, value yourself, be your own cheerleader, and that you can't fully love others until you love yourself—and all of that is true. But what exactly does that really mean in real life? Essentially, that having high self-esteem is vital to a successful, happy life.

But how exactly do you know if your self-esteem is high enough? Below, we'll take a look at what self-esteem is, why it's important, and how to build yours up.

What is self esteem?

Self-esteem is giving respect and admiration to yourself. The American Psychological Association defines self-esteem as "the degree to which the qualities and characteristics contained in one’s self-concept are perceived to be positive.

High self-esteem is not just liking yourself but generally affording yourself love, value, dignity, and respect, too. Positive self-esteem also means believing in your capability (to learn, achieve, and contribute to the world) and autonomy to do things on your own. It means you think your ideas, feelings, and opinions have worth.

High self-esteem means generally holding yourself in positive regard. This doesn't mean you love everything about yourself or think you are perfect. On the contrary, even for those with high self-esteem, it's common to be self-critical and have some parts of yourself that you are less proud of or happy with than other elements. High self-esteem can fluctuate depending on the circumstance.

However, if you have high self-esteem the positive thoughts about yourself outweigh the negative—and the negative doesn't make you discount your worth as a person.

Essentially, high self-esteem is a frame of mind that lets you celebrate your strengths, challenge your weaknesses, and feel good about yourself and your life. It allows you to put daily ups and downs in perspective because, at your core, you value, trust, and respect yourself.

Why is it important?

High self-esteem is considered to be protective against many mental health conditions, such as depression and anxiety. In fact, studies show that having high self-esteem is directly correlated to your satisfaction with your life and to the ability to maintain a favorable attitude about yourself in challenging situations.

The Risks of Low Self-Esteem

Like many elements of mental health, researchers often describe self-esteem as existing on a spectrum.

Like anything in life, your self-image is prone to change and grow as you mature and live your life, and in response to key life events.

However, it's also true that people tend toward a certain set-point of self-esteem that can be persistent, whether high, low, or somewhere in between. Social interactions, attention, emotional regulation, decision-making, and life satisfaction are all impacted by lower self-image.

Reactivity

As noted above, when you have high self-esteem, you're better able to shake off unfavorable events and the negative judgments or moods of others that may be directed your way. Conversely, when you have a lower self-concept, you're more likely to take criticism or rejection personally and to assume someone else's problems are about you.

This combination can make people with low self-esteem more reactive to day-to-day circumstances and personal interactions. Those with lower self-esteem are also less likely to keep their emotions in check, cope well with challenges, and look at life from a healthy perspective.

Often low self-esteem means small things become blown up into bigger issues that can feel insurmountable, further ratcheting down self-regard.

Tips for Coping With Stress

Feeling Down vs. Poor Self-Esteem

Essentially, low self-esteem isn't just having a bad mood or a bad day. Everyone feels down when negative things happen but these feelings typically pass and, especially for those with positive self-esteem, don't have a drastic impact on self-worth. Instead, low self-esteem is a chronically negative self-image that, while it may ebb and flow with the positive and negative events in your life, for the most part, stays with you over time, regardless of life circumstances.

Your level of self-regard may be, in part, a function of the natural variation in personality types, affect, genetics, and/or in response to upbringing, peers, and life events. However, when self-esteem is particularly low, as noted above, it can put you at risk of many mental health challenges.

Risk Factors for Depression

Susceptibility to Depression

The link between low self-esteem and mental health conditions is particularly strong. Interestingly, research shows convincingly that poor self-esteem contributes to depression, rather than the reverse. This means that depression doesn't create low self-regard. Instead, thinking poorly of yourself makes you more vulnerable to depression.

Additionally, studies indicate that higher self-esteem offers protection from mental health conditions, likely due to the improved coping skills, higher positivity, and resiliency that comes with this more accepting and affirmative self-talk.

Essentially, low self-esteem begets feeling bad about yourself, which makes leading a fulfilling life, reaching your goals, and having positive social and intimate relationships harder.

Critically, studies show that low self-esteem is highly correlated to depression, anxiety, emotional problems, substance use, stress, eating disorders, and suicidal ideation. Research also shows a strong correlation between low self-esteem and anxiety disorders, particularly with social phobias and social anxiety disorder.

Risky Behaviors

Studies also show a link between poor self-esteem and an increased risk of risky health behaviors, particularly in teens, such as drug and alcohol use, drunk driving, self-harm, smoking, and carrying a weapon. Essentially, those who value and respect themselves the least are more willing to make more dangerous choices that may impact their health and safety.

Additionally, improvements in self-esteem are shown to be helpful in the recovery from addiction. In fact, studies show that this relationship of low self-esteem and poor choices is particularly evident in adolescents who already are at a disadvantage for decision-making due to their still-developing executive function skills. Research has also found a link between low self-esteem and risky sexual behaviors in teens.

Low Self-Confidence

Research also finds a clear correlation between low self-confidence and low self-esteem, as well as the reverse. Additionally, having high self-confidence encourages self-reliance, self-advocacy, and trust in yourself and your abilities, all factors that bolster high self-esteem—and create a framework for positive mental health and quality of life.

Can You Have Too Much Self-Esteem?

An unrealistic or overly elevated self-concept may be as unhealthy as a negative one. However, it's important to distinguish between healthy high self-esteem and arrogance. High self-esteem is not being egotistical, thinking you are infallible, or better than others.

High Self-Esteem vs. Arrogance and Narcissism

Arrogance is when a person's self-concept veers from reality and becomes the dominant force in their life, and we might assume that too much self-esteem equals an inflated ego.

However, this type of narcissistic self-concept isn't necessarily a natural progression from healthy self-esteem, which values the self but not above all others.

Instead, narcissism or arrogance describes a person who focuses primarily on themselves, considers themselves more important or worthwhile than others, and often, doesn't even think about how their actions impact those around them. Really, it can be argued that what looks like "too much self-esteem" is actually the opposite.

In fact, while narcissists may seem to have high self-esteem, studies show that grandiose beliefs about yourself often actually mask a poor self-image, feelings of shame, and self-directed anger hiding underneath.

People with narcissistic personality disorder are also more prone to comorbid mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, experience feelings of helplessness, and have unstable personal relationships.

Can You Have Too Much Confidence?

Contributing Factors of Low Self-Esteem

While, as noted above, a complex web of influences combine to shape your identity, personality, and self-concept, there are specific factors that predict high or low self-esteem. Namely, factors that impact self-esteem include whether or not you had a supportive upbringing, where your needs, thoughts, feelings, contributions, and ideas are valued. Positive thinking, heredity, personal outlook, your peers, and other role models all matter a lot as well.

Experiencing challenging life events or trauma like divorce, violence, racism, neglect, poverty, a natural disaster, being bullied, or otherwise treated poorly can also contribute to low self-esteem.

The effectiveness of your coping skills, the relative positivity of your personal outlook, and general resiliency, all factors that can be innate or learned, greatly impact the influence negative experiences may have on your self-esteem as well.

Ways to Stop Self-Hatred

Cultivating High Self-Esteem

Cultivating high self-esteem (and resiliency) is no easy task, but it's certainly possible and within your grasp—and can make a huge difference in your life. As noted above, it's key to understand that a significant component of self-esteem is your thought patterns, what you focus on, and optimism rather than simply on objective facts or events of your life.

In other words, it's about what you see (and say to yourself) when looking at your physical self, skills, accomplishments, or future potential.

Building up your self-esteem takes work, determination, and a willingness to examine and counter negative thoughts about yourself—and to actively bolster your self-image with positive ones. It's vital to give yourself grace, to let go of certain things that bother you as well as to work on those areas that you can (and want) to change.

If you value yourself, and have high enough self-worth, you also know that you deserve to take care of yourself, which then can contribute to trying to do things to improve your self-esteem. It's difficult to take care of yourself if you think poorly of yourself.

Studies show that forgiving yourself for things you regret can also help improve self-esteem.26 Essentially, it's about accepting and loving yourself as you are.

When to Get Help?

If you have low self-esteem, it can be helpful to work with a counselor or other mental health professional to begin changing your negative self-talk and improve how you see and value yourself.