The Best Thing You Can Do For Yourself
My Journey to self love
Where do I begin? Well, let me start off by saying this, I’m a very private person who has a very small circle but as I celebrated my 40th Birthday I also reflected on my growth, past decisions, relationships with people in general & had an epiphany of just how far I have came & I believe there is someONE who could benefit from the lessons I have been taught by life.
I am simply a human....who has learned some harsh lessons that brought me an abundance of wisdom, peace, & self love & I feel like there are millions of “me” across the world who may be where I was in life. I feel this urge to put my story out there to let at least one person know that there is hope...not only hope but there is a way to turn your life around for the better...
I used to be a serial dater. Love wasn’t my thing. I didn’t know how to properly love & even worse didn’t know when I was being loved properly. I walked around like I had a chip on my shoulder, hurting & pushing away true love...making my present friends, lovers & strangers pay for things I never healed from in my childhood. Oh yes, I had Daddy issues up the butt! See the most valuable thing or lesson I learned was that in every situation you must evaluate you. It is NEVER about the next person. We are fighting a losing battle attempting to alter someone or get someone to admit their actions were wrong & or apologize.
I decided to do something different. Once I started looking from within as to why I was a serial dater or why I cut people out of my life quickly, all I could see was me. I was the reason for repeating the same scenario when dating. It was like dating the same man over and over just in a different “man costume” (if you will). Once I made the conscious effort to be alone for awhile to find a new approach to my issues I realized that it was exactly what I needed. I had no idea of who I was or the potential I had on a spiritual level because some guy or “friend”was always around which I dedicated my time to. A distraction. I mean, they wouldn’t come before my kids but they would come before ME. I felt there was some weirdo kind of gratification to always being there for others, showering them with unconditional love and loyalty & being forgiving when I didn’t receive it in return. My reason? At that point in time of my life I attracted damaged people, therefore making excuses for their toxicity & unrequited love & would just sell MYSELF a dream that one day...just one day I will receive it back in the same measure as I poured out. Boy was I running a losing race.
As I spent time alone away from everyone except my children I began to view life & the people in it differently. I decided that regardless to how much hurt I had received that I wasn’t gonna put myself in victim mode because at the end of the day I realized, that if I would’ve had self love I wouldn’t have allowed those toxic people in my space to begin with. One of the most important things I learned about self love or self preservation is that whenever you allow urself to walk into situations that leave u feeling drained, doubting urself, scared, hurt, or anger we are actually working as our own enemies. Would u walk ur newborn baby into a lion’s den? Well, it stopped making sense for me to keep people in my life (regardless of the title) that would make me feel some type of negative emotion. This process was a NECESSITY. You may be in a situation currently where you feel stuck or tied to the person, place or thing for one reason or the other. Regardless to the reason - the basis is fear. Fear is a monster that grows and destroys ur progress in life. Removing toxicity from your life requires courage but TRUST & BELIEVE your strength will rise from within simply because your are choosing positivity & a more healthy frame of mind. Making decisions from your heart or your higher self will ALWAYS come with help! Once the toxicity is gone...you will feel lighter & rest more easy. You will have an abundance of peace which will allow the flow of goodness into your life. If you know anything about vibrations or energy and the Law Of Attraction then you know EXACTLY where I’m coming from. If you aren’t familiar with it then I encourage u to watch the movie “The Secret” or watch a video on the Law Of Attraction. You will be glad you did. I was.
There was once a very important person in my life whom I trusted with my life..not only with my life but also my kids life as well. I saw how toxic she was. She was holding on to old baggage from her childhood and walked around bitter and like the world owed her something she really wasn’t due. She would be mean and rude at any given time for no reason. She had hurt me In the past but because of her position in my life I felt obligated to put up with her negativity. I just couldn’t be myself around her. If I smiled too big I could feel the hate spewing from her smh. Doing things for even those u love out of obligation is lacking self love for yourself. Another lesson learned. Finally I decided to completely release her. I realized that by continuing to put up with her with the hopes of her changing her ways & her releasing her old baggage was compromising the love I should’ve had for myself.
Feeling obligated or bound to a toxic person, place or bound to a toxic “thing” is rough. Asking a person to release something that is toxic though familiar and comfortable to them or when they feel their morals are at risk is a tough thing, meaning...what if it was one of your parents or siblings that were the toxicity in your life? Would you feel like releasing them or setting up MAJOR boundaries would be betrayal on your part?? At this point it would come down to a decision between the love you have or building for yourself or pleasing someone else.
I was so afraid to release and let go in fear of being alone or being looked upon as a disloyal person. The longer you wait to remove the toxicity, the more of your life’s clock is ticking. I had come to realize that you can’t please everyone at the same time. If 99 people say yes there will still be someone opposing. With that being said...DO YOU. As long as your decisions and actions are in alignment with your higher self then everything will start to smooth out in all areas of your life. We are not required to be a perfect people. We are all here having our own experiences. But it is required to be the best you can be and a big blockage to allowing that is when u have negativity around you & in your thoughts. When u hang with negative people, u know the ones who complain about the sun being too bright or the snow being too cold? Lol...sooner or later their negativity will rub off on you so GET AWAY! Lol
After watching the movie “The Secret” I decided to try it out. Come to find out it has worked. It isn’t difficult but it does require discipline to train your thoughts to be positive especially if you are usually a negative person.
In conclusion, I would like say that I hope this has been inspiring to you. You are not alone...there are millions of people going through your exact situation, difference is in perspective. Change your mind regarding your situation. Once you surrender & let go I promise you that your world will literally change. Start paying attention to your thoughts AND what comes out of your mouth. Start turning negatives thoughts and statements into positive. NO, things DON’T have to always be a struggle. You can the dream job, car, money, health AND have your kids improving in school or health overall. You’ve got this because I was you...searching for a way out, feeling like there is more to life, feeling stuck in hopeless situations, depression or you’re losing sight as to what is really important...the MOST important thing in ur life....YOU! I hope this helped. I hope that through my transparency you have become inspired to change for the better. I mean after all...we’re still in the first quarter of the year. Make the decisions and take action to give yourself and ur heart a break from others drama, baggage and most importantly negative vibes. Good luck!! Love & Light. XOXO