The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Win/Win or No Deal

If these individuals had not come up with a synergistic solution—one that was agreeable to

both—they could have gone for an even higher expression of Win/Win—Win/Win or No Deal.

No Deal basically means that if we can’t find a solution that would benefit us both, we agree

to disagree agreeably—No Deal. No expectations have been created, no performance contracts

established. I don’t hire you or we don’t take on a particular assignment together because it’s

obvious that our values or our goals are going in opposite directions. It is so much better to

realize this up front instead of downstream when expectations have been created and both parties

have been disillusioned.

When you have No Deal as an option in your mind, you feel liberated because you have no

need to manipulate people, to push your own agenda, to drive for what you want. You can be

open. You can really try to understand the deeper issues underlying the positions.

With No Deal as an option, you can honestly say, “I only want to go for Win/Win. I want to

win, and I want you to win. I wouldn’t want to get my way and have you not feel good about it,

because downstream it would eventually surface and create a withdrawal. On the other hand, I

don’t think you would feel good if you got your way and I gave in. So let’s work for a Win/Win.

Let’s really hammer it out. And if we can’t find it, then let’s agree that we won’t make a deal at

all. It would be better not to deal than to live with a decision that wasn’t right for us both. Then

maybe another time we might be able to get together.”

***

Some time after learning the concept of Win/Win or No Deal, the president of a small computer

software company shared with me the following experience.

“We had developed new software which we sold on a five-year contract to a particular bank.

The bank president was excited about it, but his people weren’t really behind the decision.

“About a month later, that bank changed presidents. The new president came to me and said,

‘I am uncomfortable with these software conversions. I have a mess on my hands. My people are

all saying that they can’t go through this and I really feel I just can’t push it at this point in time.’

“My own company was in deep financial trouble. I knew I had every legal right to enforce the

contract. But I had become convinced of the value of the principle of Win/Win.

“So I told him ‘We have a contract. Your bank has secured our products and our services to

convert you to this program. But we understand that you’re not happy about it. So what we’d like

to do is give you back the contract, give you back your deposit, and if you are ever looking for a

software solution in the future, come back and see us.’

“I literally walked away from an $84,000 contract. It was close to financial suicide. But I felt

that, in the long run, if the principle were true, it would come back and pay dividends.

“Three months later, the new president called me. ‘I’m now going to make changes in my

data processing,’ he said, ‘and I want to do business with you.’ He signed a contract for

$240,000.”

***

Anything less than Win/Win in an interdependent reality is a poor second best that will have

impact in the long-term relationship. The cost of that impact needs to be carefully considered. If

you can’t reach a true Win/Win, you’re very often better off to go for No Deal.

Win/Win or No Deal provides tremendous emotional freedom in the family relationship. If

family members can’t agree on a video that everyone will enjoy, they can simply decide to do

something else—No Deal—rather than having some enjoy the evening at the expense of others.

***

I have a friend whose family has been involved in singing together for several years. When they

were young, she arranged the music, made the costumes, accompanied them on the piano and

directed the performances.

As the children grew older, their taste in music began to change and they wanted to have more

say in what they performed and what they wore. They became less responsive to direction.

Because she had years of experience in performing herself and felt closer to the needs of the

older people at the rest homes where they planned to perform, she didn’t feel that many of the

ideas they were suggesting would be appropriate. At the same time, however, she recognized

their need to express themselves and to be part of the decision-making process.

So she set up a Win/Win or No Deal. She told them she wanted to arrive at an agreement that

everyone felt good about—or they would simply find other ways to enjoy their talents. As a

result, everyone felt free to express his or her feelings and ideas as they worked to set up a

Win/Win agreement, knowing that whether or not they could agree, there would be no emotional

strings.

***

The Win/Win or No Deal approach is most realistic at the beginning of a business relationship or

enterprise. In a continuing business relationship, No Deal may not be a viable option, which can

create serious problems, especially for family businesses or businesses that are begun initially on

the basis of friendship.

In an effort to preserve the relationship, people sometimes go on for years making one

compromise after another, thinking Win/Lose or Lose/Win even while talking Win/Win. This

creates serious problems for the people and for the business, particularly if the competition

operates on Win/Win and synergy.

Without No Deal, many such businesses simply deteriorate and either fail or have to be turned

over to professional managers. Experience shows that it is often better in setting up a family

business or a business between friends to acknowledge the possibility of No Deal downstream

and to establish some kind of buy/sell agreement so that the business can prosper without

permanently damaging the relationship.

Of course there are some relationships where No Deal is not viable. I wouldn’t abandon my

child or my spouse and go for No Deal (it would be better, if necessary, to go for compromise—a

low form of Win/Win). But in many cases, it is possible to go into negotiation with a full

Win/Win or No Deal attitude. And the freedom in that attitude is incredible.

FIVE DIMENSIONS OF WIN/WIN

Think Win/Win is the habit of interpersonal leadership. It involves the exercise of each of the

unique human endowments—self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will—in

our relationships with others. It involves mutual learning, mutual influence, mutual benefits.

It takes great courage as well as consideration to create these mutual benefits, particularly if

we’re interacting with others who are deeply scripted in Win/Lose.

That is why this habit involves principles of interpersonal leadership. Effective interpersonal

leadership requires the vision, the proactive initiative and the security, guidance, wisdom, and

power that come from principle-centered personal leadership.

The principle of Win/Win is fundamental to success in all our interactions, and it embraces

five interdependent dimensions of life. It begins with character and moves toward relationships,

out of which flow agreements. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are

based on Win/Win. And it involves process; we cannot achieve Win/Win ends with Win/Lose or

Lose/Win means.

Now let’s consider each of the five dimensions in turn.