Struggling

This poem speaks to the struggle. It also speaks to keeping on.

struggling

fighting

trying

failing

falling

crashing

digging a deep hole

sinking into the deep

wallowing in self-pity

a victim

I own my responsibility

and I choose

to climb

and sometimes

I slide back down

falling into the dark

only a glimmer of light

in the distance

and again I climb

and slide

and eventually

I reach the rise

climb out of the deep darkness

and turn my face to the sun

I have risen anew from the ashes

but the journey

has only truly begun

and I will climb and slide

fight and falter

a million times again

before I reach the next rise

and once again

feel the shine of the sun

tomorrow is another day

to rise anew from the ashes

and though I may get tired

I MUST keep on

fighting

trying

struggling

12-09-2012

I suffer from a lot of doubt so doing things is often an uphill battle but I keep trying. Every time I see the quote from Yoda "Do or do not. There is no try." I say, SHUT UP Yoda! In my world, there would be NO life without try at all!!! The thing is that the world is full of people who both TRY and DO. "DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS" and it's taken me a lifetime to figure out that it is ALL ok. We all need to find the path, the words, the TRY, or the DO that works FOR us and allows us to move forward and keep going on. We are not all on the same page. You just have to realize that your page is just as ok as anybody else's page. WE ALL are on a journey and we learn different things at different times in different spaces depending on who we are. If you learn something new you don't have to beat yourself up because you didn't know it yesterday. Just use it from now on and move forward!

Every day is a NEW day for new TRIES!

I like to write poetry. I like to play with words. I would not call myself the same as other poets who might have a deeper sense of metaphor and better reach of word meaning but I like the flow and spirit I can sometimes find in fitting the words together in a sentence that shares the emotion of my thoughts. It is my way of expression. I also want to write other things. I've been trying and struggling with that for years now. I have written and deleted many blogs and also kept many. I'm not always consistent with them but eventually, I come back and keep trying. I share writing, poems, and other forms of creativity as I go along.

I also struggle with my health. I have PKD and since 2014 I've been doing dialysis. I started with PD but in 2017 had some issues and had to switch to Hemodialysis, so I go 3 times a week to dialyze and then have to fit the rest of my life into a short amount of time. There are MANY things that block me and slow me down. Sometimes I'm slower than molasses in January! However, sooner or later I get back to the place of TRY. It IS a struggle and I used to beat myself up about it but I have learned that every day is a new day. Let it go and move on. Keep the lessons and use them to carry on. Do your best and realize that BEST is different every day. When you survive through sickness you learn that and you learn to cherish the moments that you DO have. I am HERE. I am alive. I am breathing. I am TRYING. I AM moving forward every day and I am GRATEFUL for each and every one of them.