STOP WASTING YOUR TIME

people do waste a lot of time and they

are they also act counterproductively a

lot of the time regardless we do make

progress and and and and and we can

Thrive under the difficult conditions

that make up our lives and we can resist

the malevolence that entices us that's

within our power and we don't know the

limits to that and we also know that

it's better to

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we all know this

that is better to live courageously than

cowardly

everyone knows that that's what you

teach people that you love

and

and we know that it's better to live

truthfully than in deceit

you can tell that too because that's

also what you tell people that you love

and we know that you should pick up your

responsibility and move forward everyone

knows that it's it's part of our

intrinsic

moral

nature and that nature is there and

it's not difficult to communicate to

people about this like everyone knows

that you wake up at three in the morning

when you've left let your life go off

the rails and that you berate yourself

for your uselessness and your cruelty

and your failure to take off

to take the opportunities that are in

front of you and if you were the master

in your own house in some sense the

captain of your own destiny if there was

no intrinsic nature well that would

never happen you'd just let yourself off

the hook there'd be no voice of

conscience tormenting you

but no one escapes from that and what

that indicates is to me is that at least

psychologically we live in a universe

that's characterized by a moral

Dimension and we understand that well

and that moral failings have

consequences and that they're not

trivial they destroy you they destroy

your family they destroy your community

and and you can tell people that and

they listen because they know they don't

know they know that's the thing and

maybe that's the thing about being an

intellectual you have the opportunity to

articulate

ideas that other people know they embody

but they can't articulate and that's

what people tell me you know they say

well

you help me

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the words to things that I always knew

to be true but couldn't say

or or they say I've been trying to put

some of your precepts into practice

responsibility being a main One Vision

another honesty I I suppose bringing up

the pack and saying this is the fun part

of doing all this

fun it's a weak word that it's it's it's

a it's the remarkable part of doing all

this I mean I have people tell me

constantly wherever I go it's so

delightful that you know they were in a

pretty dark place and they tell me why

and there's plenty of dark places in the

world and they decided Well maybe they

were gonna develop a bit of a vision and

take a bit more responsibility and start

telling the truth and putting some

effort into something

oh

you know we kind of have this idea that

while you're free as a child and then

you

let me see if I can if I can put this

properly that you have a certain

delightful wonderful positive Freedom as

a child and then that's given up as you

approach adulthood but the truth of the

matter is is that

you have a lot of potential as a child

but none of that is capable of

manifesting itself as Freedom before you

become disciplined

and discipline is a matter of the

imposition of order and the order is

necessary especially for people who are

hopeless and nihilistic and lots of

people are hopeless and nihilistic way

more people than you think and part of

that is because no one's ever really

encouraged them and so the book is in

part a matter of encouragement it's like

lay yourself lay a disciplinary

structure on yourself get the chaos in

in check and then you can move towards a

state that's Freer because it's

disciplined first like look if you're

going to become a concert pianist

there's going to be several thousand

hours of extraordinarily disciplined

practice that's the imposition of order

on your potential let's say but what

comes out of that is a much grander

freedom and so in virtually every

freedom that you have in life that's

true freedom is purchased at the price

of discipline your best bet is truth

but that doesn't necessarily mean that's

always going to do the trick

right I mean sometimes you go fight a

dragon and it eats you

and if the if you being eaten wasn't a

real possibility it wouldn't be a real

fight

and so you see people like I've seen

people

in my clinical practice sometimes

I had one client in particular who was

undergoing a particularly vicious

divorce with someone who was really

seriously inclined to take him out and

would do pretty much everything at her

disposal to do so and I strategized with

him for about three years

and we did everything like and Hyper

carefully he was a very conscientious

and diligent person and he put into

practice everything that we discussed

and strategized and he still pretty much

he got back into a corner so hard that I

didn't know how to help him anymore

so I would say however that he like he

was a very truthful person throughout

that and one thing he did do was

part of it was a custody battle

and he did manage despite his decline

in consequence of being repeatedly

cornered I would say he did manage to

establish what I think was a lasting

relationship with his kids so he might

have got enough out of what he did to

justify it even though the whole

landscape was pretty awful

I think that not lying is your best bet

but life is hard and people get run over

and it doesn't necessarily mean that

you're going to emerge in any obvious

sense triumphant but if you take the

alternative path path especially when

you're

facing severe tribulations let's say and

you complicate those with deceit you can

be sure that whatever tragedy that

you're confronting is going to turn into

not only tragedy but something very much

akin to

and so you might be able to at least

minimize the degree of suffering even if

you can't

overcome it or transcend it

and that's something you know if you

really want to solve a complicated

problem maybe you try to solve it a

hundred ways and then you take the best

solution got it and look this happens to

entrepreneurs all the time too you know

like most entrepreneurs this is

something to know while most

entrepreneurs most creative people fail

at

producing their creative product and

monetizing it right so your default

position if you're a creative person is

you're going to fail

and so and that's because it's hard to

come up with something new and it's j

and it's hard to present it to the

market at the right time and it's hard

to Market it like those things are

really really difficult and so what

successful entrepreneurs do is they just

keep doing it over and over and over and

over and over and over and over and

eventually if they're fortunate one of

their ideas happens to hit

the right place at the right time and so

that's also darwinian in some sense you

know you're creating all these little

Enterprises that are sort of alive

they're they're run by people after all

and even if your idea is good that

doesn't mean it will be successful

there's so many things that have to be

taken into account so this is partly why

persistence and that's part of

conscientiousness is so useful it's like

you know what do they say if if at first

you fail then try try again and

um and that would probably mean try

something different rather than the same

thing but persistence is helpful because

it enables you to run many many

experiments and and you need to know

that the Baseline is failure you know

it's important because otherwise you'll

blame that on yourself

you know and I've had journalists say

well what makes you think that you're

right to free speech trumps the right of

someone to not be offended and I think

that's really the level of our political

discourse okay so we'll run a little

thought experiment so I'm talking to one

person I'm talking to you and the rule

is I don't get to offend you okay maybe

we can still have a discussion about

something difficult but let's say I'm

talking to 10 people and and about an

important thing now I have to make sure

that I don't say anything to fight

despite the fact that this is an

important and contentious issue that I

don't say anything that offends even one

of those 10 people

okay maybe I can even manage that what

if I'm talking to a thousand people

there's going to be someone in that

thousand people there's going to be

someone who's offended at the mere fact

that I exist

so it's an impossible standard it's like

well you can't say anything offensive

okay fine then you can't say anything

okay

so what you don't get to say anything

because no one should be offended well

then you don't get to think

well what happens if you don't think

well then you can't negotiate your way

through the future and you fall into a

pit and so does everyone else

so that's where that all ends up you

can't say offensive things equals you

cannot negotiate your way properly

through the future equals everyone

suffers

well

that's a bad

that's a bad strategy

so and it's and it's all covered up with

well you know it would be better if no

one was ever offended it's like well who

thinks that you know how naive you have

to be to think that how you have to be

pathologically naive which is the kind

of naive that you could have grown out

of but you willfully refuse to because

you weren't willing to see what was in

front of your face and then you impose

that

blind naivety on everyone else because

you don't want to allow them to upset

your like Rosy view your rosy view of

yourself in the world

just

there's no end to how terrible that is

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the other thing you should do if you're

not very industrious industrious is

discipline yourself and so what do you

do with that

eat three times a day at regular meal

times that's a good thing to practice

because that starts to put some

stability into your life get up at the

same time I would highly recommend all

those young people out there who are

listening like you want to get a jump on

life get the hell out of bed in the

morning you know as I've got older I've

got up earlier and earlier now that's

partly because you don't need as much

sleep but it's also partly because I've

got more and more disciplined like get

up early in the morning and get your

things done man learn to get up at six

in the morning and you'll be one deadly

creature especially if you can get to

work you'll have half your damn day done

by the time other people haul their

sorry asses out of bed and so that's a

massive massive Advantage look Warren

Farrell the author he outlined data in

why men earn more which is a book I

would recommend by the way showing that

if you work 13 percent longer hours you

make forty percent more money it's

non-linear so you think why is that well

imagine you had 10 employees and one of

them Works an extra 10 percent it's not

much well how often is that person going

to be

promoted assuming you have a clue as a

boss it's like you're going to look at

the 10 people and you're going to think

oh that guy's always here like 45

minutes early it's like why don't we

give him the promotion obviously right

so these tie these small edges that you

can manage like that work an extra 10

extra 13 have non-proportional payoffs

that's part of the Pareto distribution

so get

get your sleep cycle organized so you

get up in the morning learn how to do it

no excuses I'm too tired in the morning

I don't like mornings who cares that's

not relevant it's like discipline

yourself so you can manage it

schedule your meals because that's a

good disciplinary routine

and then learn to use a calendar like

Google Calendar most of you many of you

out there do not use a calendar okay a

calendar is not a prison and it's not a

tyrant not if you use it properly

calendar keeps anxiety at Bay it makes

sure that you do what you need to do

which is important because otherwise you

fall behind but if you use it properly

though it's also helps you plan what you

want to do so I could say well lay out

your damn calendar

and design the days you would like to

have that's what your calendars have is

for so you can put in all sorts of

things in there you want to do and that

would be good for you and that's a

really good

a really good way to start being more

industrious make a plan you need a plan

for three years

you need a plan for the next year you

need to plan for the next six months you

need to plan for the next three months

you need a plan for the week you need a

plan for the day you need to plan for

the hour all of that all of that I make

lists constantly of what I have to do

and they're like daily weekly monthly

yearly right now I can't look out more

than about six months you know because

my life is too complicated and chaotic

but but you need a vision of who you

could be what character you could have

three to five years out you can't go

much farther than that because life is

too unpredictable I think to make Vision

that's longer term than that

subject to

there's too much chance associated with

it to spend a lot of time on maybe you

can stretch it to five years and in rare

cases you can have a 10-year goal but

has to be pretty low resolution but you

want plans at all those levels of

resolution you want to write the things

down and what because what are you going

to do you're going to stumble around and

get get what you need you're going to

stumble around and be useful to other

people and it's useful to be useful to

other people you know they want to work

with you then they want to do things

with you they want to have you around

they trust you they open up

opportunities for you and if you stumble

around like you're blind you're not

going to get anywhere and then you're

going to suffer and then you're going to

be bitter and then you're going to be

cruel so that's a bit that's hell that's

a bad outcome

values aren't created they're discovered

and they're discovered through a

consultation with the parts of yourself

that you're not conscious of that you're

not fully conscious of that aren't

articulated

that aren't fully articulated elements

of your primary personality you have to

discover what your values are and you're

informed about that well partly by other

people who will object if your values

aren't appropriate but certainly by a

dialogue with yourself and with your

conscience that's that's a very

important thing to know it's part of the

reason why I think that you need to tell

the truth because

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you're forced to negotiate with yourself

to operate properly in the world and if

you've warped yourself let's say or some

elements of yourself by engaging in

self-deception and lies and and you're

not

now because of that you're not who you

could be and you don't live in the world

as you should live in it then when you

discuss with yourself what your value

should be it will be as if you're

discussing it with someone that you

can't trust and that's that's not good

like you you can't afford that life is

difficult and it contains many pitfalls

and unless you're careful and you sort

yourself out properly and you aim high

and walk on the straight narrow path

you don't have a hope of understanding

where you should be and at what time

when the crisis hits

part of the question then too is like

are you the friend of your plan or are

you the friend of the thing that

disrupts your plan and I would say you

should work to become the friend of the

thing that disrupts your plan because

there's a lot of that and then if you

become the friend of the thing that

disrupts your plan then you be you start

to develop strength in proportion to the

to the disruptive force and that's

really what you want you want to be able

to implement your plan obviously but you

want to be able to

take on the consequences of error and

learn from it and then then you win

constantly because even if something

goes sideways you think there's

something to be derived from this that's

wisdom fundamentally plan a life you'd

like to have and and you do that partly

by referring to social norms that's more

or less rescuing your father from the

belly of the whale but the way other way

you do that is by having a little

conversation with yourself about as if

you don't really know who you are

because you know what you like you won't

do what you're told you won't do what

you tell yourself to do you must have

noticed that it's like you're a bad

employee and a worse boss and both of

those were you know for you you don't

know what you want to do and then when

you tell yourself what to do you don't

do it anyways you should fire yourself

and find someone else to be but but you

know my point is is that you have to

understand that you're not your own

servant so to speak you're someone that

you have to negotiate with and that's

and you're someone that you want to

present the opportunity of having a good

life too and that's hard for people

because they don't like themselves very

much

so you know they're always like cracking

the Whip and then procrastinating and

cracking the Whip and then

procrastinating and it's like God it's

so boring and such a pathetic way of

spending your time

I don't know what percentage of human

effort is spent in

cow I'm I'm not an absolute cynic about

that but I mean when I talk to

undergraduates I ask them you know how

much time do you waste every day by your

own

bracketing and somewhere between five

and eight hours you know it's a lot of

it's a lot of time well I usually walk

through I walk the students through an

economic analysis of that I said well

you know why don't you value your time

at fifty dollars an hour and calculate

for yourself just exactly what you're

doing to your future by your inability

to discipline yourself it's worth

thinking through

take a bit of a look at yourself and

think about what's not so good that you

could improve

that you should improve by your own

standards and that you would improve you

know and set yourself a little goal

um you know maybe you're not studying at

all at your University or maybe you're

maybe you're at work and you've got this

stack of paper there you know and you

haven't looked at that damn stack for

like a month and you know that you

should be and you're bothering yourself

at night because you're avoiding that

it's like maybe I think I've avoided

that stack of paper completely for one

month I'm quite a coward when it comes

to whatever snakes might be hidden in

that stack of paper

how about tomorrow I just like put that

stack of paper in front of me on my desk

and I like I glanced through it for

15 seconds see if I can do that

it's like well

you set yourself a goal of improvement

you know it's a humble goal because

really are you such a coward that the

best that you can bloody well manage

after a month of avoidance is 15 seconds

of exposure to a stack of paper you know

it could easily be you've been avoiding

it you're obviously afraid of it and so

the situation could be that dismal and

dire and you might think well geez it's

no

bombed my ego it's no

it's no it's not fostering the strength

of my ego to recognizing myself someone

who could only withstand 15 seconds of

exposure to that thing I'm afraid of and

so that's a form of humility too it's

like there's things you could do to

improve and you know what they are and

there's small steps that you could take

that you might take that would put you

in that direction and then the question

is are you big enough to take those

small steps you know are you capable of

grappling with the fact that you're

fundamentally flawed to the point where

you have to break things down into

almost childlike steps in order to

manage them an answer to that is yeah

you are and that's a lot of

I don't know if it's a lot of everyone

most people have things they avoid you

know and they're afraid of so I would

say to some degree it's the Lord of

everyone

people vary in the degree to which

they've conquered them and you do meet

people from time to time who are

extraordinarily disciplined but most of

the time they've got disciplined in

exactly this manner it's through slow

incremental Improvement and then you

challenge yourself it's like well could

I do this that would be better

and you find out and then you think well

is there something slightly larger and

more challenging that I could do that

would be better and and you try it and

you find out and as you try it and you

find out generally you get better at it

and you can take on larger and larger

challenges

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you're not after

um the bubbles of bliss that Dostoevsky

described in in Notes from Underground

were built to contend with the world

we're built to contend with reality you

want to challenge and the best way that

you can take on a challenge because a

challenge fortifies you so you don't

want to be secure you want to be strong

and you get strong by taking on optimal

challenges and so you lay out your

destiny in the world and you take the

slings and arrows of fate and you make

yourself stronger while you're doing so

and you might fail and Fortune might do

you in but it's your best bet and you

know people have also people that have

extracted unbelievable successes out of

catastrophic failures and so and I'm not

saying that in a naive way I know

perfectly well what happens to people

you know you're doing fine in life and

then you get cancer and then six months

later you're dead and all the heroism in

the world isn't going to save you at

that point but that's not the point

that's not the point life is bounded by

mortality but that doesn't mean that you

don't get out there and contend and you

develop by contending and you minimize

the net amount of suffering in the world

and that's something man that's

something to do life is difficult and

you cannot protect your children

what you can do is prepare them and you

can prepare them to be strong and

courageous and truthful and resilient

and reciprocal in their interactions

with other people and that means you

equip them for what life will be which

is at minimum a series of difficult

challenges and and often more than that

because of course people go through very

difficult times in their lives and

a resilient person is capable of

standing up to things in the face of

fear and moving forward voluntarily

convinced of their own competence and

ability to Prevail and so the primary

your primary goal as a parent apart from

facilitating your child's social

desirability which is a major

obligation on your part is to encourage

your children and to and I mean that

literally to instill in them a sense of

courage in the face of the difficulties

of life and not to protect them from

that

we don't even want to be protected from

those difficulties because a major part

of life and its meaning is the

the challenge that comes with

confronting difficulties

self is everything you could be across

time so imagine that there's you and

there's the potential inside you

whatever that is you know and potential

is an interesting idea because it

represents something that isn't yet real

yet we act like it's real because people

will say to you you should live up to

your potential and that potential is

partly what you could be if you

interacted with the world in a manner

that would gain you the most information

right because you build yourself out of

the information in the piagetian sense

but it's deeper than that too because we

know that if you take yourself and you

put yourself in a new environment new

genes turn on in your nervous system

they encode for new proteins and so

you're full of biological potential that

won't be realized unless you move

yourself around in the world into

different challenging circumstances and

that'll turn on different circuits so

it's not merely that you're

incorporating information from the

outside world in the constructivist

sense it's that by exposing yourself to

different environments you put different

physiological demands on on yourself all

the way down to the genetic level and

that manifests new elements of you and

so one of the things that happens to

people and this is a very common

cultural notion is that you should go on

a pilgrimage at some point to somewhere

Central and that would be say like The

Rock in The Pride Rock in The Lion King

because you take yourself out of your

Dopey little village and that's just a

little bounded you that everyone knows

and that isn't very expanded and then

you go somewhere dark and dangerous to

the central place and while you do that

you have adventures and they toughen you

and pull more out of you like partly

because you're becoming informed which

means in formation it means you're

becoming more organized at every level

of analysis but there's also more of you

too

foreign

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and you know this you're useless you

know nothing you haven't got started

you've got 60 years to put yourself

together and God only knows what you

could become

and that's so that message is so much

more it's so funny because it's so it's

such an attack

but it's so positive because there's

Faith there in the in the potential that

makes up the person rather than the

miserable actuality that happens to be

manifesting itself at the moment and

young people respond extraordinarily

well to that because when you know that

if you're a parent and you love your

child your son your daughter

what you're trying to Foster

is the best in them you want that to

manifest itself across the course of

their life you want them to become

continually more than they are to see

what they could be and

well and I think that's part of the

great message of the West is that that's

that's the that's the ethical

requirement of individual being in in

the proper sense is to constantly note

that you're not what you could be to

take responsibility for that and to and

to commit yourself like body and soul to

the attainment of that ideal you can

look at that pessimism that that

constitutes let's say the core of what

I think it's the core religious message

really is the is the tragic nature of

the world the reality of suffering it's

it's part of the core religious message

but what emerges out of that properly

conceptualized is a remarkable

appreciation for what human beings are

capable of like we are unbelievably

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resilient and and able creatures and we

do not have any conception of our upper

limits you'll discover a little bit more

about your potential as you discover who

you are especially the darker parts of

yourself because then you discover your

potential for Mayhem there's some real

utility in that you know a discovery

that you're dangerous is such a useful

discovery

it's actually something that strengthens

you because the first thing

that a realization like that can in fact

produce is the ambition to incorporate

that danger into a higher order

personality that dangerousness into a

higher order personality and that can

make you implacable

I can make you someone who can say no

when you need to say no you know that

can make you someone who won't avoid

necessary conflict and so that's that's

unbelievably useful when you're moving

through life and you have a plan or a

dream and it shatters you know someone

dies or a relationship breaks apart or

you you have a terrible upset in your

career or you become ill in some

unexpected way then everything around

you falls apart and you plunge into a

well you plunge into a chaotic Underwood

that's exactly right yes exactly that

and then maybe you stay there because it

isn't necessarily the case that people

get out you know people die people are

in despair permanently but frequently

something tragic and terrible befalls

you and you fall apart and you learn

something profound as a consequence and

you put yourself back together and when

you come back out you're more than you

were when you went in and that's

happening in at a small scale every time

you learn something you know you if you

ever really learn something it's usually

painful it usually means that you have

to recognize that you're wrong in some

important way you have to let that part

of you that's wrong die and then you

have to let a new part of you okay so

the self imagine that you undergo a

series of transformations in your life

there there are collapses into the

chaotic underworld and then many

resurrections that happens continually

and that's what molds your character

assume that the person that you're

listening to knows something you don't

well they do the person you're listening

to knows some things you don't you can

be sure of that now whether or not you

can get to them is a different matter

but if you do get to them it's a real

deal for you that's why you want to

listen to the other person's arguments

is because you're not everything you

could be you don't know the pathway

forward with as much clarity as you

could and it's possible this is one of

the wonderful things that I've had the

privilege of experiencing as a clinician

you know because people it's like I live

inside a Dostoevsky novel as a clinician

people come in and they tell me about

their lives and I listen to them and

they tell me things that are just

absolutely beyond belief you know and I

learn from my clients constantly they're

telling me honestly about their

experience they tell me things they

wouldn't tell anyone else because I

actually listen to them but part of the

reason I listen is because I'm desperate

to listen it's like there's a

possibility I'm going to do something

stupid in the next five years that's

going to be like fatal and there's some

small possibility that if we have a

decent discussion that you'll tell me

something that will eliminate some of my

blindness so that I don't have to fall

into that particular pit and if you have

a good sensitivity for the depth of the

pet then you know you're pretty bloody

motivated to avoid it and so and that

and and that and that dialogue is it's

it's dialogic it's dial Logos right it's

shared logos it's the way that we redeem

ourselves mutually moving forward

[Music]

one of the things that has just blown me

away in the last year because I've

talked to lots of people lots of people

live you know but also lots of people

online but it's more obvious live and

it's obvious in this theater as well is

that I've I've gone around and spoke and

then a large proportion of my audience

has been young man young you know under

30 something like that

and I've spoken to them a lot about

responsibility and what's so odd about

about this is that of all the things

that I've spoken about because I can see

the audience and I can feel how the

audience is reacting because I'm always

paying attention to all of you it's in

so far as I can manage that so I I get

some sense of how what I'm saying is

landing you know which you have to do if

you're going to speak effectively to

people and what what happens is if I

talk about responsibilities everyone be

is silent just like they are now silent

and and not moving right focusing

attentive say pick up your

responsibility pick up the heaviest

thing you can and carry it and the room

goes quiet and everybody's eyes open and

I think

this makes me break up

I was

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

I don't I don't know why I was speaking

to

English journalist today he was going to

write an article in The Spectator

magazine I was talking about this and at

the same point in the discussion the

same I had the same emotional reaction I

don't really understand it I think it's

something there's something about it

that's so crucial because you know we've

been fed this unending diet of Rights

and Freedoms and there's something about

that especially is there's something

about that that's so pathologically

wrong and people are starving for the

antidote and the antidote is truth and

responsibility right and it isn't it

isn't because that's what you should do

in some you know in some

some I know better or someone knows

better for you what you should do since

it's that it's not it's that it's that

that's the secret to a meaningful life

and without the meaningful life then all

you have is suffering and nihilism and

despair and all of that and

self-contempt and and that's not good

and so the man it's necessary for men to

stand up and take responsibility and

they all know that and and are starving

for that message and and the message is

more that that's also a good thing to

stand up and take responsibility because

you're cursed so much now from from from

from when you're young with this notion

that you're active engagement with the

world is part of what is destroying and

undermining the planet and adding to the

tyranny of the social systems it's like

how about not so much of that hey

because it's it's it's it's too sold

deadening it's anti-human right to the

core and my sense instead is that you

know if you if you were able to reveal

the best of yourself to you in the world

that you would be an overwhelming Force

for good

[Music]

when I was a teenager

I mean I I did

God if I had to write a book about the

stupid things I did when I was a

teenager it'd be a very thick book and

it'd be a worst book if there were

photographs accompanying it

um

and you know but but I had this

advantage that young people today don't

have which was well when my day of

stupidity was over I could go home and

it was not there you know like it wasn't

on Twitter it wasn't on Facebook there

wasn't 20 of my friends

communicating to me about you know what

foolish thing I did at the party the

night before and

um and young people now they're just

followed by

Paparazzi essentially

constantly and and I've watched that

with the young

teenage daughters of many of my friends

because my kids were a little too old

for that to actually have happened to

them but God it's miserable and we know

that there is some relationship between

the amount of time people use Facebook

for example and their mental health

which meet the more they use Facebook

the more depressed they are and it might

be that the depression is driving the

Facebook use but the causal pathway

seems to be the other way around which

is you know it's just

playing that unbelievably exposed social

game that's hard on people and these

aren't trivial Technologies you know I

mean their shape they're they're

transforming the way we communicate with

one another and that's and they're

they're completely uncontrolled

experiments we have no idea what the

medium or long-term consequences are

going to be and we'll never find out

either because of course the

communication landscape changes so

quickly that by the time you get adapted

to one communication technology another

one has come along that's even more

confusing that you now have to master

and so

well that's why it's necessary for

everyone to develop their own modicum of

wisdom I believe because I I don't know

how else we're going to be able to deal

with this technological transformation

that's going to come across is already

coming across us like a tidal wave and

you know you ain't seen nothing yet the

people in Silicon Valley have plans that

well

that make you think that the whole place

should probably be bombed just for the

safety of the rest of us you know

because there's there's tremendous

danger in that rapid acceleration of

machine intelligence and and we have no

we have absolutely no idea where that's

headed so and maybe it'll be great it's

it's possible it'll be great but

power Cuts both ways so

hopefully we can we can control it with

our wisdom and that's pretty much up to

each of you to put your lives together

so you can make good decisions you can

learn to kind of watch yourself like

you're watching a stranger but you have

to adopt a position is a position of

radical humility I would say both both

humility in two senses so one sense

would be the humility of recognizing

your ignorance so you have to understand

that you don't know who you are and

that's not easy to understand because

you think you know but then you know you

remember you can't control yourself very

well you're not very disciplined you're

full of flaws maybe you don't know

yourself as well as you think but it's

hard to get

low enough

to understand how deeply it is the case

that you are ignorant about who you are

now there's an upside to that too which

also is that you're also ignorant about

who you could be and so the discovery of

that you know is some reward for the

horror of determining who you actually

are

[Music]

the things I've been talking to my

audiences about is the relationship

between responsibility and meaning which

is what would you say it's a it's a

constant refrain in the book it's one of

its underlying

um messages let's say or

themes is a better way of thinking about

it

you know if you start with the

presumption that there's a baseline of

suffering in life and that that can be

exaggerated by as a consequence of human

failing as a consequence of malevolence

and betrayal and self-betrayal and

deceit and all those things that we do

to each other and ourselves that we know

that aren't good that amplifies the

suffering that's sort of the Baseline

against which you have to work and and

and it's contemplation of that often

that makes people hopeless and depressed

and anxious and overwhelmed and all of

that and and they have the reasons but

you need something to put up against

that and what you put up against that is

meaning meaning is actually the Instinct

that helps you guide yourself through

that catastrophe and most of that

meaning is to be found

in the adoption of responsibility

so if you think for example if you think

about the people that you admire well

you think about when you have a clear

conscience first because that's a good

thing to aim at which is something

different than happiness right

um a clear conscience is different than

happiness that's better yeah it's better

guilting yourself you're not feeling bad

about yourself that's right you feel

that you've Justified you've Justified

your existence right and so you're not

waking up at three in the morning in a

cold sweat thinking about all the

terrible things that you've involved

yourself in what you said to someone

that you shouldn't have said or how you

acted or what opportunity you lost or or

or or yeah or or the things that you've

that you've let go that you should have

capitalized on and all of that and so if

you think about the times when you're at

peace with yourself with regards to how

you're conducting yourself in the world

it's almost always conditions under

which you've adopted responsibility

right at least the most the most guilt I

think that you can experience perhaps is

the sure knowledge that you're not even

taking care of yourself so that you're

leaving that responsibility to other

people because that's pretty pathetic

and I unless you're Psychopathic and you

know and you're living a parasitical

life and that that characterizes a very

small minority of people and an even

smaller minority think that's

justifiable but most of the time you're

in guilt and shame because you're not

you're you're not

only are you not taking care of yourself

let's say so someone else has to but

you're not living up to your full

potential

I don't think that young people

in especially in later days in

well in junior high high school maybe

even earlier than that

are taught enough to think about what

they want and how they would go about

getting it and I mean what they want in

a deep sense like how their friendships

could be better how their relationships

with their parents could be better how

their life could be better

practically speaking

so we tried to design a program to help

younger people do the self-authoring

program but my health interfered with

that and it fell by the wayside

unfortunately but it's helpful for

people to take stock of themselves and

to chart a course and I don't think our

education system does a very good job of

helping people develop a

a vision of themselves a story for

themselves and it's a problem because it

also means that they're not ennobled or

encouraged the way they should be and

I've seen this all constantly

during my lectures that people are so

happy to be encouraged

they're often met with skepticism

instead and I think that's part of the

problem with what's happening in our

culture politically too is that no

there's this terrible critique of our

culture it's

all its institutions are fundamentally

predicated on arbitrary power

the exercise of arbitrary power

and that implies that the Ambitions of

people who wish to join that culture and

to thrive are expressions of tyrannical

oppressive arbitrary power it's very

demoralizing to young people

and I don't believe it's true

because I don't think the fundamental

motivation is to exploit others

I think the people who do that fail

generally speaking

often precipitously societies that

organize themselves around that

principle are miserable and collapse

full there's they're full of Deceit and

backstabbing and distrust it's hell

and so

I think that people are

young people are best encouraged

and that means that you actually have to

you have to sort of like them

like you're a mentor it's like I'm

really on your I'm the on the side of

the good in you and I hope it manifests

itself I think that's what trust is for

by the way you know you should trust

other people why

they can bite why would you trust them

well because it's courageous too

and that way you elicit the best from

them at least that's the best

opportunity you have

you're going to get hurt sometime you're

going to get hurt distrusting too but

societies without trust are hell on

Earth so

trusting that's for sure next Generation

though starts with you having it in the

first place right that's sort of passing

along those patterns as if I don't trust

anyone I'm going to instill that in my

child like the world's not to be trusted

well you can try to change that you know

what if you know that trust is courage

that can help because while trust can be

just naivety

I trust you because I'm too foolish to

know the difference I've never been hurt

I've never encountered someone

malevolent so I'm naive and I trust

that's not trust

that's

Blind Faith in an environment that's

been too benevolent for your own good

but trust that's more like

[Music]

well we'll think the best of you to

begin with and see what happens and then

if you make a mistake well we'll deal

with that and we'll go back to trust

and those are stable negotiating

strategies

and so

that's young people need to be

confronted with that and then they need

to be helped to

chart their course and that's hard you

know it takes a fair bit of individual

attention

because people are so complicated

I produce this other technology at

self-authoring that helps people write

about their past

analyze their faults and their virtues

and write a plan for the future

it's a useful way of figuring out who

you are you kind of have to hit yourself

against the world but you know you tell

the story about your past and that helps

you understand where you came from

you figure out your virtues and your

faults that sort of helps you understand

your strengths and weaknesses and then a

plan gives you a course for the future

it's hard to do all that writing but

it's hard to blunder through life too

without a plan so it's hard either way

pick your heart you always talk about

that choose your choose choose the

difficulty the difficult to choose you

eventually and you might not like it as

much right yeah well when it's necessary

like I wouldn't say to go to go out of

your way necessarily to make your life

difficult but if you have a difficult

choice in front of you and it's either

abandoned what you're you know you

should be doing or do the difficult

thing

well you're going to pay a price for

abandonment so

[Music]

and I guess I would also say that to uh

to understand yourself it's quite useful

to try to not lie

because you tangle yourself up in your

own lies people think they can get away

with lying but

we you can't get away with falsifying

the structure of the world

you're gonna pay for it I've never seen

anybody get away with anything

in my clinical practice

no something the other shoe always

dropped always always and unsurprisingly

if you drop a weight on your head above

your head like it's fine until it hits

you

yeah but then there's change in your

mind yeah there you can be wrong that's

different

that's a good point though it's

difficult to dissociate ignorance from

from lying but you know you get punished

when you're wrong often but that's

different you know it's it's not like

it's nothing to be ignorant to be wrong

it's

still hard on you but it's a different

kind of hard to be willfully wrong

responsibility I think is an incredible

message

[Music]

yeah the responsibility element has been

well received by people and I think

maybe that's because that message isn't

being delivered as effectively

as it should be the idea that meaning

meaning is to be found in responsibility

yeah you're saying it developed you're

saying it hasn't been it hasn't been

promoted as much well there's so much of

an emphasis on rights

I mean imagine what if our con if our

culture was this dominated by discussion

of responsibility as it was dominated by

discussion of Rights yeah completely I

mean that's just not how it is at all

right and that's strange because

your rights in some sense are my

responsibility and vice versa so right

because your recorded rights

it's distance from other people in some

sense and for them it's the same and so

you can't have one discussion without

the other but what our discussion has

been very one-sided and I think that's

hard on people because it's about what

you're old yeah and it isn't obvious to

me that

I don't know it doesn't it doesn't

it's not like not getting what you're

old isn't annoying it is if you feel

that that an injustice has been

committed but right it isn't obvious to

me that people find the deepest meaning

in their life in getting what they're

owed

I really do think that people find more

significance in their life in being of

you use utility and service to other

people

that's how it looks to me

so and

often that's discussed in a sort of

should way you know you should be good

to other people it's like well your life

is better if you do that that's a

different way of putting it and you can

get people to think about that it's like

well remember those times when you were

when people were particularly

happy with something that you did

something for that how did you feel

about that well you could figure that

out for yourself maybe it didn't matter

but probably it mattered probably you'd

like to have that happen a lot more

but I think even more so the feeling

that you get when you have a

responsibility and you deliver on it

I think that for me that feels even more

meaningful that you uphold your end of

the bargain that you make someone's life

better

that feels even better than when someone

says thank you for that thank you for

doing that right right right no

absolutely no I wasn't thinking so much

about the consequences of the thanks

that's just an indication that you did

something you know that was that was

productive and useful and and

and caring let's say and yeah I

and I think people know that too that

when they're operating properly that's

well parents find tremendous meaning and

in the service they provide to their

children obviously

and I think you find that within a

relationship what you give

I mean there's it's reciprocal obviously

there has to be reciprocity but

but it's better to concentrate

at least half the time on what you're

giving right

one of the real advantages I think a lot

of the current political movements are

quasi-religions essentially and

religious structures have collapsed very

badly and so these things arise to take

their place because we need a religious

structure because that's what provides

us with our fundamental Story the

fundamental story of life is a religious

story by definition that's that's what I

mean by that it's the most fundamental

story you have is the closest thing you

have to a religion

so we started there I mean we started

with the stories yes yes well and

metaphysics be damned but you know I

don't know what the fundamental

significance of Consciousness is so and

neither does anybody else so there's

plenty of room for metaphysical

speculation it's hard to know what each

person's Destiny is but

in any case

the problem with so many ideological

stories is that they give you an easy

enemy

and that's extremely dangerous and maybe

the enemy they always give you an enemy

yeah that's a real problem is that that

seems like one of the biggest problems

is there's always an enemy well the

biggest problem is the enemy isn't you

you're your worst enemy

I agree that's the right place to start

and so

you know one of the advantages I think

of Christianity although I don't think

it's limited to Christianity is that it

insists that that's the Battleground

you

right and so if you if you need an enemy

and maybe you do

look Within

how did I balance marriage fatherhood

and a demanding career well

um

I stopped wasting time

that helped a lot I stopped drinking

I stopped going to bars I really didn't

spend a lot of time with my friends when

I had young kids in particular I had

friends and I I saw them you know with

some degree of regularity but where I

cut Corners was more with social life

outside my family so I spent a lot of

time with my wife and I spent a lot of

time with my kids and I spent a lot of

time on my career and so you have to

make choices and I think those were

reasonable choices I'm not displeased

with them don't abandon your friendships

but

um but you can certainly look at where

you're wasting time and just stop doing

things that you know would be a waste of

time so and I did and so I had enough

room for my marriage and I had enough

room for my kids and I had enough room

for my career and you know sort of a

multi-dimensional career and I was

always a challenge to me too to see how

efficient I could get

and you could also

and I've really recommended this for

relatively higher income dual income

couples who are trying to pursue dual

careers kids in marriage you can

Outsource you know higher hire a

cleaning lady if you can afford it

um

buy restaurant food if you can afford it

Etc no you can Outsource get you can

have someone do your laundry then you

can concentrate on your marriage and

your kids I know that that you know is

only an Avenue available to people who

have relatively High incomes but people

who have dual incomes have relatively

High incomes and so Outsource what's

unnecessary so that you can concentrate

on what's necessary I mean I didn't do

that when I was beginning my career

because when I lived in the United

States when I was in my late 20s and

starting my family we had one income

you'd think a Harvard beginning

Professor makes a lot of money and I

suppose that's true in some absolute

sense but relatively speaking you know

we didn't have enough money to buy

magazines we all our money went for

for housing costs and and the basic

necessities of living I had a car that

was 20 years old 25 years old I think it

was old it was a bloody thing the doors

fell apart on the person I sold it to

you know like six months down the road

they knew it was a wreck at that point

but we drove that thing right into the

ground so I know that's not necessarily

possible for everyone at the beginning

of their career but if you have two

incomes you can manage it

um

I

concentrated on my marriage and making

time for it I concentrated on spending

time with my kids consciously and I

concentrated on developing my career

those were the three elements of my life

and I had some time left over for

Creative Pursuits and and for friends

but most of it was a matter of getting

rid of

time wastes of any sort now and I just

pushed that out of my life you know day

after day until I wasn't wasting any

time

so you you start your path and you think

that you're hitting you know towards

your star

and so you go in that direction and then

because

you're here the world looks a particular

way but then when you move here

the world looks different and you're

different as a consequence of having

made that voyage and so what that means

is that now that thing that glimmers in

front of you is going to have shifted

its location because you weren't very

good at specifying it to begin with and

now that you're a little sharper and

more focused than you were it's it's

going to reveal itself with more

accuracy to you and so then you have to

take a

you know it's almost like 180 degree

reversal but it isn't because you know

you've

I mean you've gone this far and that's a

long ways to get that far

but that's a lot farther than you would

be if you just stayed where you were

waiting

and so it doesn't matter that you

overshoot continually

because as you overshoot

even if you don't learn what you should

have done you're going to continually

learn what you shouldn't keep doing

and if you learn enough about what you

shouldn't keep doing then that's

tantamount at some point to learning at

the same time what you should be doing

so it's okay

so it's like this

now what's cool about it though I think

is that as you progress the degree of

overshooting starts to decline right and

that we know that there's nothing

hypothetical about that as you learn a

new skill like even to play play a song

on the piano for example you overshoot

madly you're making all sorts of

mistakes to begin with and then the

mistakes

they disappear

[Music]

the best thing you can do is teach

people to write because there's no

difference between that and thinking and

one of the things that just blows me

away about universities is that no one

ever tells students why they should

write something it's like well you have

to do this assignment

well why are you writing well you need

the grade it's like no

you need to learn to think

because thinking makes you act

effectively in the world thinking makes

you win the battles you Undertake and

those could be battles for good things

if you can think and speak and write you

are absolutely deadly nothing can get in

your way

so that's why you learn to write it's

like

and I can't believe that people aren't

just told that it's it's it's like

it's the most powerful weapon you can

possibly provide someone with and I mean

I know lots of people who've been

staggeringly successful and watched them

throughout my life I mean those people

you don't want to have an argument with

them they'll just slash you into pieces

and they're not in a malevolent way it's

like if you're gonna make your point and

they're going to make their point you

better have your points organized

because otherwise you're going to look

like and be an absolute idiot you are

not going to get anywhere and if you can

formulate your arguments coherently and

make a presentation if you can speak to

people if you can lay out a proposal God

people give you money they give you

opportunities you have influence if

you're harmless you're not virtuous

you're just harmless you're like a

rabbit a rabbit isn't virtuous it's just

just can't do anything except get eaten

it's not virtuous if you're a monster

and you don't act monstrously then

you're virtuous but you also have to be

a monster while you see this all the

time Harry Potter's like that too it's

like he's he's flawed he's hurt he's got

evil in him he can talk to snakes man he

breaks rules all the time

all the time he's not obedient at all

but you know he has a good reason for

breaking the rules and if if he couldn't

break the rules him and his little

Clique of rule-breaking you know

troublemakers if they didn't break the

rules

they wouldn't attain the highest goal so

it's very peculiar but it's very very

it's a very very very very very common

mythological notion you know the hero

has to be

the hero has to be a monster

but a controlled monster Batman is like

that you know I mean it's it's

everywhere it's it's the Tor story you

always hear

you know I've asked my undergraduates

frequently how much time they waste per

day in general estimates are like six to

eight hours of time they regard

themselves as wasting like that's a

whole career right there right so if you

just stop wasting time you can do a

tremendous amount especially if you also

try to maximize efficiency and I always

found that incredibly

motivating you know I'm motivating

game how much can I do in the least

amount of time possible that was that's

fun to try to do that as far as I'm

concerned I know you know that's maybe

it's undoubtedly a temperamental thing

but but if you're built if you're wired

that way that's a great

meta strategy become efficient I always

ask my graduate students when they were

designing experiments they'd come with a

proposal I'd say to them no is there any

way you could do this 10 times faster

what would you have to cut what would

you have to change to do this 10 times

faster

and you can learn to do that I also

learned to force the task to fit the

time you know there's this dictum work

expense to fill the time allowed for its

completion work expands to fill the time

allowed for its completion well there's

a corollary to that which is

work

becomes more efficient in proportion to

the restrictions of time placed upon it

so if you say well this could take me

two weeks but I'm going to do the best

job I could in one day you'd be amazed

you can get 90 percent of the way or 95

percent of the way or sometimes even

farther in that day

so that's another way of becoming

efficient you know if you only have 10

minutes to do something that should

maybe take you two hours

maybe you can figure out how to do it in

10 minutes you can get dreadfully

efficient

so

that's very much worthwhile in my

estimation if you want to do a lot of

things what what else are you going to

do

you know rather than become efficient if

you want to do many things you don't

have much choice but I found it

extremely entertaining to try to do that

[Music]

we live inside a damaged structure

and we also bear responsibility for that

damage because

we don't do everything we can to

constantly

repair it

and you might say well that's actually

one of the fundamental you know people

say well what's the meaning of life what

they really mean is what's the positive

meaning of life because as we've already

discussed the negative meanings of Life

are more or less self-evident well the

positive meaning of life is to be found

in noting the state of lack of repair of

the of a walled city that you inhabit

and then sallying forth to do something

about that to repair the breaches and to

fix up the walls and to make the

structure that you inhabit as

secure and as productive as it possibly

can be

and

there's no shortage of opportunities to

do that you can do that

in your own mind you can do that in your

own room you can do that in your own

household in your local community you

and maybe if you get good at doing it at

all those levels then you can start to

look beyond that and so there's

challenges that's the thing that's kind

of interesting about this insufficient

structure is that it has a set of

challenges built into it because of its

insufficiency and perhaps even because

of its corrupt nature that calls forth

the potential response from you of

heroic adventure and the heroic

Adventure is to man the barricades and

repair the city

and you can always do that it doesn't

matter what's what your personal

circumstances are there's always

something that isn't right near you

isn't correct isn't laid out properly

that you could just fix if you wanted to

and one of the things that we're going

to talk about tonight is the idea that

foreign

if you adopt the attitude an attitude

that's like that that the rule that you

should play is to make things better

wherever you are however you can that

what would actually happen would be that

things would get better wherever you are

in all sorts of ways and that we've

really as a species you might say or

maybe even as singular individuals we've

we've explored that rarely it isn't

something that's put forth as a

proposition that often and it's quite

surprising to me and you know I had an

interesting experience the other day I

went to The Keg

I go there because I have food allergies

and they're very careful with people who

have food allergies and the waiter took

me to the table and he said that he had

been watching my lectures and that's a

very common experience

and he was happy about that and he said

that he'd had two promotions at The Keg

in the last four months because he'd

been watching my lectures and like I

really found that an affecting

experience because you know you might

say well he's working as a waiter at The

Keg and there's nothing particularly

heroic about that and and I disagree

with that actually because I don't care

where you're located you can do a hell

of a job and I mean that literally at

whatever job you have you can you can

take whatever job you have and you can

make it a real nice little piece of

absolute misery

or you can do you can act like a

civilized human being and notice that no

matter where you are there's a there's a

richness and a complexity that's

completely inexhaustible right at hand

[Music]

and then you can take that seriously and

you can say well

I happen to be a waiter at The Keg and

perhaps that's not what I expected and

he's a young guy and perhaps that isn't

where I want to end up but it's not

nothing it's a rich environment and I

can make it a lot better if I want to I

can get along properly with my

co-workers and not gossip behind their

back and I can treat my customers

properly and if an opportunity comes my

way I can take it and I can see what

happens

and so he said that's what he had

started doing and that things were

working out much better for him he was

in a much better job than he was three

months ago in three months that's

nothing right I mean that's a nice

trajectory it's an uphill trajectory and

that's what you want really an uphill

trajectory is actually even better than

being somewhere good as far as I'm

concerned because one of the things that

really makes your life meaningful is the

clear realization that you're headed

somewhere better than you are now and

then it's even better if you also

understand that there's a direct causal

relationship between the things that

you're doing and the steepness of that

incline and so I get a lot of letters

from people like that and they're more

most frequently young men although not

always and they say well you know I've

been listening to these lectures and I

decided that I'm going to try to take

responsibility for my life and so I'm

I've started to stop doing all the

stupid things that I know that that are

stupid that I know I shouldn't be doing

and I've started doing some of the

things that aren't stupid that I know I

should be doing which seems pretty

obvious really if you think about it but

but obvious though it may be that isn't

necessarily what people do and then they

write and say you can't believe what

difference that makes and they're

thrilled about it and so I'm thrilled

about it when I get letters like that

because I I really don't experience

anything as better than a letter like

that or a message like that because it's

so good to see things that aren't so

good replaced by something better and I

really do think it's an open question I

truly believe it's an open question

to what degree we could make things

better if that's what we actually aimed

at doing

but if you were to pick you know three

rules for life that would lead you down

a better path

what would they be

well I think

not saying things you know to be untrue

that's a good thing don't lie

that's good

[Music]

be grateful

[Music]

and then try to work for the best in

yourself and other people

and maybe even broader not try to work

for the best despite your cynicism and

resentment I suppose that's a form of

gratitude as well that's what love means

fundamentally it's working for the best

of things

not a it's a it's a goal

what's the alternative hate

that's not going to make things better

it's going to make things worse

not you know generally speaking so

something like truth nested inside of

love then there's gratitude lurking

around the edges

beauty is important

more art right

yeah well more Beauty period everywhere

that would be nice

it's kind of intimidating Beauty

what do you mean

what do you mean by that

well because it's an ideal

it judges you

everything I this is something that's

quite interesting is every ideal is a

judge

right because I fall short of it yeah

but it's an interesting it's an

interesting problem that

you need an ideal to work towards but

the consequence of that is that you're

judged by it that's fascinating because

we always want the ideal right

yeah well I recommend it to people that

they try to reward themselves for

improving over who they were yesterday

rather than punishing themselves from

their deviation for their deviation from

the ideal look for incremental

improvements and let yourself know that

you've managed them

is it important to hold the ideal but

also then keep short-term goals of yes

against yourself yes definitely

definitely yeah you want to break it

down into and you do this with kids too

you want to set someone a task that will

stretch them beyond their limit but not

be impossible right so that's and that's

that's part of being intelligent and

careful within a relationship

because you it'd be nice too

facilitate success I mean maybe it has

to be punctuated by failure from time to

time but

that's one of the things you do as a

therapist is try to set things up so

that people succeed in moving towards

their goals try to make the tasks small

enough so that they're a reasonable

probability

that they will be completed successfully

the other thing that happens in the

future authoring exercises that you're

asked to articulate the reasons for all

the goals that come out of your vision

of the future so you're asked like why

would it be good for you why would it be

good for your family why would it be

good for broader Society so that gives

you three levels of argumentation right

there and if you have it articulated

down into detail and it's related to

other important goals then you're you're

a hell of a thing to argue with because

people just aren't that deep by which I

mean they just don't have that many

levels of explanation or objection and

it's also really useful in relationship

to your own mind because if you want to

do something that's difficult and and

that requires energy a lot of different

subsystems in your mind are going to

throw up objections it's like well maybe

that isn't what you should be doing

right now maybe you should be doing the

dishes or vacuuming or watching TV or

looking at YouTube or if you're really

sneaky

when you're trying to do something hard

what your brain does is give you

something else hard to do that's not

quite as hard so that you can feel

justified in not doing the thing you're

supposed to because you're doing

something else useful and if you give in

to that Temptation which you often will

then it wins and because it wins it gets

a little dopamine kick and it grows

stronger every anything you let win the

internal argument grows and anything you

let be defeated shrinks because it's

punished it doesn't get to have its way

so that's another thing really to

remember is don't practice what you do

not want to become

and because those are their neurological

circuits you build those things in there

man they're they're not going anywhere

you can build another little machine to

inhibit them that's the best you can do

once they're in there you can't get them

out so and then the ones you build to

inhibit can be taken out by stress and

the old habits will come back out so

you've got to be be careful what you say

and what you do because you you build

yourself that way

the idea that in some sense you're an

eternal victim

well there's a truth in that given that

nature is conspiring to destroy you and

will be successful in the end that

you're undermined by your own Society at

the same time you're buttressed by it

and that you're a target of your own

malevolence and that of others I mean so

there's plenty there's there's a Triad

of tragic and malevolent forces that are

aimed directly at your heart and that's

always the case but

[Music]

but to not take responsibility for that

and to attribute

attribute to that to to a cosmic

Injustice or a sociological Injustice in

some sense that's aimed particularly you

that's somehow the fault of others

is to miss the Great Adventure of your

life in that adoption of that

adventurous mode of being there's a deep

meaning to be found right a meaning

maybe that transcends just you that

involves your family and that involves

your community and maybe even the

destiny of humanity itself but there's

nothing about that that's secure easy

and very little it has to do with

happiness the the idea that your

problems should be solved for you let's

say and that it's unfair that you have

them

well it it it's attractive in that

there's nothing for you to do

except complain but

but it's horrifying in that there's

nothing for you to do

except complained

the difficulty is actually the funny

thing is is the difficulty is actually

the destiny

and it is insanely difficult but maybe

you're insanely up to the task

I've watched people do very difficult

things like people who work in

palliative care Awards so all they're

ever dealing with is pain and death

right and they can do it

get up in the morning they go to work

and they take care of those people they

lose people on a weekly basis and yet

they can do it and what that shows is

that if you turn around and you confront

the suffering voluntarily you find out

that you are way tougher than you think

it's not that life is better than you

think life is as harsh as you think it

might even be worse but you are way

tougher than you think if you turn

around and confront it and so then what

you discover is that there's a spirit

within you that pursues some that can

pursue something meaningful that has the

resilience and the strength to contend

properly with the catastrophe of

existence without becoming bitter that's

actually the central so and then I would

say that's one of the central themes of

12 rules for life is that make no

mistake about it like the first Noble

Truth of Buddhism life is suffering this

is true and it's worse than that because

it's suffering contaminated by

malevolence that's the Baseline but and

so that's very pessimistic but the

optimistic part is that you are so damn

tough you you can actually not only deal

with that you can improve it it's like

oh well that's a horrible situation but

it turns out that I'm armed for the task

well that's that's a great thing for

people to know and I do believe I think

the fact that we're armed for the task

is even more true than the fact that

life is catastrophe contaminated by

malevolence we're stronger than things

are terrible so and things are pretty

terrible so that means we're pretty damn

strong wow yes it's a very good thing to

know and it's not naive optimism it's a

very different thing it's like no things

are terrible they're brutal and you are

so damn tough you can't believe it

[Music]

foreign if you don't have a goal a

Transcendent goal say something that's

beyond you then you don't have any

positive emotion and that's not good

because you have plenty of negative

emotion

and then that's that's the problem with

fundamental claims of meaninglessness

too in life that it's this it's the

philosophical error that's made by

nihilists let's say who say well life is

meaningless it's like well

if you're a nihilist genuinely you've

lost all hope your life isn't

meaningless it's just unbearably

miserable and that's and that's a form

of meaning you know that suffering is a

form of meaning and you can try to argue

yourself out of that with your

nihilistic rationalizations but that is

not going to work you need a

Transcendent goal in order to withstand

the slings and arrows of Outrageous

Fortune

you love to quote this line This

Nietzsche line that all anyone who has a

why to live for can endure almost any

hell what's your why what is driving you

see when people read history they they

either read it as a detached Observer or

they tend to read it as

well maybe the heroic the heroic

protagonist people like to imagine that

they would be Schindler in Schindler's

List but that's wrong

so because the probability that you'll

be the perpetrator is much higher

especially merely the perpetrator who's

in constant silence when silence is not

the appropriate thing

so I wanted to having figured out what

constituted hell and the pathway to that

which would be

I suppose the cowardice that produces

the cowardice and resentment that

produces either complicitness in those

events or failure to oppose them when

they emerge I wanted to understand what

the opposite of that was

because I think that's what needs to be

learned from what happened in the 20th

century and so that's why I wrote maps

of meaning was to understand that and to

lay out what the opposite was

and then that turned out to be extremely

helpful to me and then to the people I

started to teach about that because

it's useful to know what the opposite of

hell is and I've been teaching those

things to people since 1993. so that's

25 years and the response from the

students has always been the same sort

of response that I'm getting now

absent some of the negative

characterizations let's say which which

have emerged perfect for particular

reasons but the students have always

said one of two things

and and this is the vast majority of

them this isn't cherry-picked responses

it's been the same everywhere

um

they tell me and this is the same

response I get from my audiences now too

is they say you've given me words to

explain things to explain and understand

things that are always new to be true

or

I was in a very dark place for one of

the seven reasons that people might be

in a dark place alcohol or drugs or

failure of relationships or lack of

vision or nihilism or or hopelessness or

depression or anxiety or you know the

pitfalls that people can encounter and

I've been developing a vision for my

life and trying to adopt responsibility

and trying to be careful with what I say

and things are way better and that's

what drives me what's your definition of

greatness well greatness is what reveals

itself when you when you attempt to

formulate when you attempt to carefully

articulate and live out what you believe

to be true

it just happens because there isn't

anything more powerful than truth

right that's the antidote to suffering

truth

right

they say Do you believe in god let's say

and my response to that always is well I

don't know what you mean when you ask me

that question so I don't know how to

answer it I don't know what you mean by

believe but I can tell you something

that I believe and I would say this is a

way of speaking symbolically

I do believe so I was thinking the other

day a week ago I was thinking about this

this little fantasy that entered my mind

I was thinking about Saint Joseph's

oratorio in Montreal and Saint Joseph's

oratorio is a very large religious

building it's one of the biggest

cathedral-like structures in the world

and it's set on the hill on Mount Royal

and it's set up where it can catch the

sun you know so it's an image of the

Heavenly City on the hill right it's an

image of the structures that we strive

to create that's what it is independent

of its specifically Christian or

religious function that's what it stands

for symbolically okay so it's the city

on the hill it's it's what we're

striving towards when we walk uphill in

life okay now the way the the oratorio

is structured there's hundreds of steps

leading to it up front and in the early

part of the 20th century a lot of people

who had physical disabilities came there

and they struggled up the step on their

crutches and many of them left their

crutches in the oratorio you can see

hundreds of them if you go there it's

quite an interesting site and I was

thinking about that and I was thinking

about what that meant and this is what

it means it means that

you know everyone has their disabilities

let's say and I know that some people

are far more terribly affected than

other people I'm perfectly aware of that

but the question is what do you do about

that and what you do is you you set

yourself up on your damn crutches and

you struggle up the bloody Hill that's

what you do and you struggle up the hill

towards the kingdom of God that's what

you do because the alternative is to

descend into the abyss that's the

alternative and then so to say well do

you believe it's like I believe that you

should struggle uphill towards the city

of God on your crutches

that's what you should do

that's the opposite of the descent into

the abyss

and so that's that's at the foundation

of our civilization that idea well

argue with it if you will see if you can

figure out why that's not an acceptable

idea maybe you should help someone

struggle up the hill perhaps you should

you know you can lend a hand to someone

although you don't want to take the

burden away from them entirely because

there's something Noble about struggling

up the damn hill right there's something

that's Adventure that's the call to

proper being it's like well we don't

need to forget this

you know we don't need to forget it the

universities have been there since time

immemorial to try to push that idea

forward through the generations and

everyone needs to know that idea that's

what gives your life not happiness

forget about that

if it comes well great accept it dignity

nobility

character truth responsibility Beauty

those are the things to aim for

thank you

foreign