Stop Striving for Happiness and Start Practicing It Now

It all started when one of my boys asked me if I was happy, and I said yes.

Why am I not happy? I have a good and kind husband, two boys that I am very proud of, I have a successful business, I have a home I love, I was surrounded by friends, I was a much sought after speaker in my community, and blah blah blah.

My son then asked why I was no longer enjoying it. I began to defend my happiness to her, explaining all the reasons why I was happy, and I began to realize that I was not really happy at all. I was very happy.

It was on that day, about four years ago, that I began my journey to find happiness. Needless to say, there were many lumps in the road.

The problem was that in the typical "type A" fashion, I wanted happiness at the time. During my research, I discovered things that make people happy, such as spending time with friends and reducing stress. I made a lot of changes that should have made me happy but in the end it caused my stress levels to rise.

It wasn't long before I realized that my quest for happiness had made matters worse. I spent a lot of time worrying about trying to be happy and just letting myself be free to feel happy. Below: trying to be happy was stressful.

Then my husband lost his job and we were in danger of losing our home. In the circumstances around us, my anxiety and stress were thrown into high gear. And instead of moving to happiness, I felt like I was going too far.

Things took a turn for the worse when my husband was offered his dream job in Bangkok, Thailand. Yes, the same Thailand found in the middle of the world. I fought it, paid attention to it, and laughed at it, but most of all I was worried about it.

Moving this far was unthinkable for me. We had two teenage children, a home, and family and friends in the city we loved. How can we just walk away?

With a little choice, we went to Thailand with two suitcases each and my fingers crossed to make a smooth transition. Shortly after our arrival in Thailand, my health deteriorated. I got a call from my sister telling me that my brother had been killed.

Twenty-seven years ago, one of my sisters' lives was cut short by a car accident. Physically I never thought I would tolerate this pain again. My heart was about to heal now that the hole in it had just become bigger.

I hurried home to be with my mother, leaving my husband and the boys behind, when I really wanted to hold them tight.

It was a very surreal time. It was as if I was looking at someone else's life as I went through the rituals of supporting my mother, accepting words of comfort, and trying to wrap my head around everything that was going on.

It is always sad to lose a loved one, but the death of a loved one takes the grief to a whole new level.

The time has come for me to go back to the whole world and get back to my boys. It became clear that I could not go back to being a hardworking mother, and I knew that my boys would learn through hardship and grief through my example.

I gave myself time to rethink my quest for happiness that I started what seemed like a past life. This time, I started with some small actions instead of dealing with everything at once. Here's how I did it.

Practice Gratitude

You have likely learned that gratitude has the power to change your life. It’s hard to imagine something so simple that has such a profound impact. It's hard to imagine why so many people do not do it.

I wanted to practice gratitude, I really did, but it always seemed like an unpleasant thing to do as I got into bed. I had to find a way to remind myself that I did it every night before my head hit the pillow, because once I got into bed all the bets were gone.

It dawned on me that I was going to the bathroom every night, so I put my journal in the bathroom next to the toothbrush. It's not the best place to write in your journal, but it works.

While I was brushing my teeth, the magazine sighed and soon became automated, better known as the habit. A habit that helped me focus on the good in my life.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by a loving and supportive family, to have a wonderful friendship of encouragement and guidance, and my boys to be kind. And that is just the beginning of my list.

I learned that even in the darkest part of the day, there are times of light. Sometimes you just have to search a little more. Calm your mind and look for it. Believe me, you will find something good to fill you with gratitude.

Trust That Things Will Work

I will not lie; trusting that everything will work is scary and difficult - very, very difficult. But it is possible. It may not work the way you intended, but it often works in a certain way.

It’s hard to break the habit of worrying because there is no visual display around the things in your head. When I was worried, I realized that I was playing with my hair. I admit that I play with my hair when I am not worried, but my hands hang in my hair when I am.

Now every time I play with my hair, I wonder if I'm worried. After that I remind myself that I hope that no matter what happens, I can handle it, and I will probably be stronger and happier because of it.

Look for clues that you may be worried about and when you encounter them, speak up for yourself in the process. Make a mental mask and help you to ease your worries. Your speech can take a long time at first, but keep going because eventually your mind will enter.

Choose Happiness

I soon discovered that the pursuit of happiness was not enough. You must choose and work for it.

I have added one step to the gratitude process. At the end of the day I started setting my goal for the next day - something that would take me a while to enjoy the movement