Spoiler: Lived Experience Feels the Same in Every Reality

I've been putting it off for decades, but I finally watched The Matrix.

Cypher's decision to go back in a pod as a rich man intrigued me. I get it. He was tired of suffering through watery oats for every meal. After all, simulated steak tastes like steak.

The factors and functions that present lived experience to our awareness are the same in every possible reality. In the real world and in the matrix, food has a taste.

So what if the deal went through. Cypher immigrated to the matrix and lost his memory of the real world. What if, hypothetically, 40 years later, he finds himself bored with the riches he thought he wanted? Is it better to suffer in virtual reality or real reality? I say there's no difference.

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Maybe you're looking for the next pay day. Maybe you want to be in love. Maybe you're just tired of feeling tired every day. Suffering isn't exclusive to the terminally ill, clinically depressed, perpetually unlucky, willfully ignorant, or existentially doomed.

Many people live objectively good lives and still continue to suffer. Whether or not the universe is a computer simulation, all (un)happiness begins and ends with you. Read that again, and if you feel unsettled, good; keep reading.

Shit happens, and when it does, we feel it in our entire being. Our thoughts spiral towards the worst possible outcome. We turn to fear and worry. We assume we're helpless. Our bodies produce the stress hormone cortisol.

No matter who you are - your life experience, the big or little things that bother you, the good or bad hand you've been dealt - the experience of suffering is the same, and it always has this fundamental cause.

We feel that profound discontent when reality doesn't match our preconceived notions of happiness.

And no, I'm not trying to imply that being wronged by some force outside your control is secretly a good thing. We won't enter a state of peace by misrepresenting reality.

Functionally, we enter a state of peace by nurturing our relationship to our thoughts, emotions, and bodies. But we can always come up with reasons for why we can't, won't, or don't question our assumptions, improve our mood, and exercise.

We can create those "exceptions" because the real peace we seek is a balanced network of relationships one level below sensory experience. I call this network The Pillars of Inner Peace: self-acceptance, self-knowledge, and self-love.

We can procrastinate exercising, but the feeling that we should is unavoidable

When we don't work on one or more of the pillars, or when life knocks one down, our relationship with our sense of self suffers. We suffer. And since we see the results of our discontent in the physical world, we assume that that's where we'll find the solution.

There's a lot of money to be made selling you promises for that solution. Some are genuinely helpful. Others are meant to distract us from the real cause of our unhappiness, or worse, make us dependent on them for relief.

I get a common objection here: "this sounds interesting, but how does this high-concept stuff change anything I actually do?"

This high-concept stuff dictates the quality of your interactions with yourself and others. How we talk to ourselves directly affects our actions.

Who'll be wealthier in a decade: the employee whose paycheque disappears into forgotten Amazon purchases, or the tradesperson who leverages a skill and invests the money that follows?

Who'll live a healthier life (if the trend continues): the pre-diabetic battling their sugar cravings every couple hours, or the generally conscious individual who avoids soda and goes for walks?

These vastly different patterns of behaviour can be traced back to the network of pillars. The philosophy is directly related to our lived experience, and it dictates everything from net worth to dining habits. Self-relations are everything, with or without our awareness of them.

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Self-acceptance, self-knowledge, and self-love. I've put the pillars in this order because, by my understanding, it's the most natural progression to go from one to the next with the least resistance. Being a network, they're not insulated from each other. As you work on one pillar, the rest grow as a result.

And everybody has a personal dominant self-relation they intuitively lean on. For me, it's self-knowledge. The act of learning more about myself, my ego, and the human condition was my key to untangling the other self-relations.

Self-acceptance

Simply put, self-acceptance is seeing yourself for who you are - life at this moment for what it is - and not for who you believe yourself to be - not for what you want it to be.

Acceptance is the foundation of meditation. If you can't accept that something is as it is, you won't be present with it. Instead, you'll be off in your head, on some train of thought from past sensations.

Let go, and we see what's real beneath the labels, graduating from acceptance to non-judgment. We go beyond letting the world be despite our opinions, and lose the instinct to to call something "good" or "bad" in the first place.

Finally, having gone through the process for ourselves, we naturally extend the same attitude to others. We feel an imperturbable calm. We effortlessly float on stormy waters.

Self-knowledge

Self-knowledge is a fusion of knowing yourself personally (the way you know what pizza toppings your best friend likes or how orchids are your Mom's favourite flower) and learning the mechanics of how/why you are the way you are.

The latter gets complicated fast, so I'll do my best to keep it simple. We have three senses of self:

The Monkey is our sentience - pure awareness. This is our subconscious mind: the you that tells you when you're thirsty, tired, excited, or in danger.

Knowing this aspect of self is to study biology, neurology, food science, kinesiology, psychology, and phenomenology. It's impossible to become an expert in every field, but it's easier than it seems to have a semi-functional knowledge of what foods to eat or avoid and how to maintain good posture.

The Narrative is our sense of self. This is who we tell ourselves and have been told we are. Narration is a survival adaption of Monkey's - introspection, contemplation, and extrapolation enable us to live longer.

Contrary to popular belief, your identity is not fixed forever - it's not a defining characteristic bestowed upon you at birth. The narrative self is flexible. It is the "I" we notice in meditation.

The Person is who we are with other people. It's a performance we put on to bridge any gaps between who we think and feel we are (Narrative) and who we want other people to think we are. This identity is even more adaptable than the last because it only exists relative to everyone else.

As our knowledge of self grows, we develop unflappable confidence. We don't need to try and act; we simply do.

Self-love

Taking care of yourself is the first 5% of self-love. The rest comes from a lifetime of training yourself to cherish every experience life gives, including the bad ones.

Self-acceptance is the foundation of a peaceful life. Self-knowledge is the process of organizing our being in the world. Self-love is the inevitable outcome of our efforts, catalyzing a blissfully serendipitous life. And that's not to say self-love has to wait for your mindset and lifestyle! This pillar will surely grow with every step you take.

All we have to do is nurture these self-relationships with the simplest thing imaginable: meditate. All the practice requires is our willing surrender to the present moment - a space for all our psychic knots to be untangled.

While sitting, standing, or walking at a comfortable pace, pick a point at eye level somewhere in front of you. Let your gaze relax on that point, and wait for thought or sensation to distract you. When it does (and it will) without reacting to your awareness of the distraction, pull your attention back to that point in space. Repeat.

As with any practice, working on each pillar grows our comfort and ease of applying the method in ordinary moments. Easy situations seem more joyous and challenging conditions, more manageable. We learn to have faith in ourselves and life as a whole to work itself out in the best possible way. That faith transforms high-concept into our own personal path to inner peace.

We know we're there when remembering the simple fact of being alive undams an ocean of bliss.

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I'm currently writing a book that explores these ideas in greater detail. I'd love for you to join the journey to inner peace and receive content like this before it's published anywhere else.

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I share bite-sized wisdom, not financial advice, and banter on Twitter.