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Speak With Trust And Confidence

Speaking with trust and confidence is one of the hardest things for us...

By HowToFind .comPublished 4 years ago 7 min read
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What other things are difficult for us?

The answer to this question is very different for each person, but there are usually two variations:

1. Either it's something you have to do on your own and don't think you can...

  • no smoking,
  • study,
  • eating healthy,
  • work,
  • move...

2. Or it has to do with others and therefore with your communication, and it will be something like

  • Convincing THAT person
  • Talking without being afraid
  • Flirting
  • Make a presentation without nerves
  • Meeting people
  • Protest without getting out of hand
  • Being the center of attention
  • Make a date
  • Declare yourself
  • Reading in public
  • Give a lesson...

We are going to focus on the latter today and, if you look, they all have to do with self-esteem, with believing in one.

As Seneca said many centuries ago:

"We are not afraid to do things because they are difficult, but things are difficult because we are afraid to do them."

Self-confidence is something you don't get overnight, and there are no magic formulas to achieve it, but there are some attitudes that help you develop that confidence to do the things you find so difficult today:

Talking with confidence and trust

1. Look at people horizontally

By Product School on Unsplash

Don't look up, no one is more than anyone else, not even your boss, or your parents or teachers. Even if you think your life depends on that person, it is a circumstantial situation:

You are and will be your only boss for your whole life, how will you treat yourself?

You are the one who "decides" through your thoughts (and the actions you take accordingly), whether to stay in one place or not, whether to admit to being told one thing or not, whether to change jobs, whether to put up with bad treatment .

The easiest way to lose a job (and much more) is to lose your dignity. Take care of yours, we only have one.

Don't look down. Life takes many turns, and sometimes you find yourself in one position and later in a completely different one, and humility is a characteristic that gives long-term performance, as well as being very typical of people who are truly "great".

2. We are what we tell ourselves, don't tell yourself horror stories

Thinking about how difficult something is going to be, we make the mountain higher than it is and we are more afraid.

Every time you find yourself thinking about THAT which is so hard, take a couple of abdominal breaths to counteract the fear and visualize yourself getting the result you are looking for. It may sound silly, but experiments have been done with top athletes and it has been proven to work.

3. Value your peculiarities, they are what make you memorable

That special way you have of...

...maybe spoil the jokes, screw up, remember all the dates, always say the last word, or the first, your crooked laugh, or pig laugh...

These somewhat silly peculiarities are precisely what give a person character, and the sooner you learn to "embrace" them as a part of you, the less you will have to fight for in life.

There is no such thing as perfection, and to pursue it is, above all, foolish.

Lean on your strengths instead of fighting your difficulties

4. Listen by putting as little "you" as possible into it

The less ego-loaded your listening is, the better you can make an accurate picture of reality (your own and the other's). This implies avoidance:

  • Interrupt
  • Being prejudiced
  • Give your opinion
  • Making assumptions

Listen to the real person, without you being the measure of all things, find out what their fear is and what their dream is, discover their reality and you can have a greater influence.

The best way to be considered is to LISTEN

5. Let your comments and questions be about the other, not about you

By Mimi Thian on Unsplash

This point has a lot to do with the previous one and is, perhaps, the most important: if you want something from someone (to listen, to influence, to flirt, to sell, to like...) don't put yourself in the middle, don't take the conversation to your anecdotes, your opinions, your projects...

If the person has broken his leg or his boyfriend has left him, make sure you check on him, ask him if there is anything you can do to help, not tell him how YOU felt when it happened to YOU!

6. Prepare yourself well, it's really worth it

If you are faced with a communication situation that makes you insecure, prepare 3 messages, not 14, not one, three! And for each one of them be ready:

  • One powerful piece of information
  • A story that exemplifies it
  • A phrase "force" to sum it up.

You have the reason and how to do it well explained in this article: In 21st century communication, 3 is the magic number

7. Go straight to the point, without beating around the bush

Don't explain what you are going to say or why you are going to say it, or what made you think that you wanted to say it, or the anecdote that made you want to say it... just say it directly and clearly!

This is where I find more women than men who get tangled up when it comes to talking. Start with your thesis and then you'll explain more if the other one is interested and asks you.

8. Change any "but" to a "and"

When you talk, argue, argue... if you say: That's very good "but"...

You seem to be challenging the other person's approach and he's going to get defensive.

If you want your words to be taken into account, replace the "but" with a "and".

I'm fine with "and"...

It's a small change, but it has huge results.

9. Silence is the best instrument to get information... and many more things

It is in that instant that if, instead of giving your point of view or adding a question, you remain silent, the other will say what he was hesitating to say or not. Good journalists know this, and conquerors, and negotiators...

The best informational corkscrew is for the other to have space and time to talk

10. The right questions are the second best instrument

By Product School on Unsplash

But not just any question, but one that gives you the precise information of what you should do or say next.

Imagine that you are proposing something to someone, and since you have read point 4 of this article well, you know that they are unsure of the answer or decision. One possible question would be: What would have to happen for you to feel safe in that regard?

11. If you are nervous, go ahead as if you were doing sport

What do you do when you're in the middle of a series of exercises at the gym? Or when you're running and you're already tired? You focus only on the next exercise or the next stride. Great achievements are made this way: taking one step at a time.

Don't fight the nerves, or focus on them, just say the next sentence calmly and clearly. It's like when you throw yourself off the trampoline, jump, say that thing that gives you something to say, it's just one step. And once it's out, move on to the next one.

Nerves or fear, only the speaker notices, the others hardly notice

Focus on each sentence and move on.

12. Express clearly what you want or need and explain why

Many times we want to ask for something and we get tangled up; in the end it is not clear to the other what we need him to do and so he cannot listen to us, so ask for it!

And if you give him a reason why you need him, you will have a much higher success rate. There is a very funny study by Ellen Langer of Harvard in which the effectiveness of a request went up by 34% if a reason was given, regardless of whether the reason was strong or weak.

13. Nothing is as important as you think

We have setbacks, even tragedies, and life goes on. Tolerance to frustration or acceptance of reality is consolidated with maturity, but it is something we are lacking in this culture of immediate satisfaction.

To achieve self-confidence, it is as important to practice as it is to know how to go in the right direction:

"Those who fall in love with practice without theory are like pilots without a rudder or a compass, who can never know where they're going."

Leonardo Da Vinci

If you share it, the theory will reach more people and they will be able to practice it in a good way.

(This is an example of point 12 ????)

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About the Creator

HowToFind .com

More info at https://howtofind.com

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