Slow and steady

While It's a little late for a year in review, I figured better late than never. This year was difficult, to say the least. People dear to our hearts have passed, ugly truths were revealed. It was a time of uncertainty. Economy plummeting and civil unrest. But with this time spent. (hopefully inside) I saw change not only in myself but people too, it brought a smile to my face knowing that people were stopping to take it all in. To appreciate what life is. People know more than ever were going out of their way to reach people. Family members that might not have spoken in some time, old friends that had gotten lost on the path of life. It really shed light on human nature the need to be or feel connected. So in this time of connection why was I struggling? The answer is very simple. The situation I was thrust into. At the beginning of the pandemic. I was still in my senior year of high school. Unsure of how the rest of the year was going to proceed. One minute I'm telling my friends how excited I am about the long weekend. Next, I'm glued to a computer screen submitting assignments. From this point until mid-august It all felt like a weird limbo. Nothing but everything was happening all at once. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in my room trying to take my mind off of everything coming up. The truth is I had always been worried about college and knowing that in less than a month it was coming was nerve-racking. So many things were on the line my pride my family's pride but with these sweltering expectations set by no one but myself. I was tacking on unnecessary stress. Inevitably with that stress came burnout. It made me question everything about myself. Was I smart enough to handle this major? Did I really want to be a pharmacist or was this something my parents wanted? I began to let it all slip I was falling behind and I began to feel hopeless I stopped believing in myself. Some days it was a chore to get out of bed and open the laptop. Seeing the amount of work that had to be done and the Emails on top of the exams that never stopped coming. It was too much. I tried to fight back with study groups and after-hours help but the damage had been done. I was neck-deep and failed two classes. While it hurt that I did not do so well, it gave me some much-needed time to evaluate myself. Why was I so hard on myself? This was something entirely new to me and adding on that pressure wasn't helping. With that reflection It made me realize nobody is asking me to get this right away if it was that easy everyone would be doing it. So take it easy one step at a time.