Salvage Page

One night. One night I forgot this. One night I forgot all about this and never returned to the thought again. Grains of rice or dried beans or sand. The one in the many. One drop in an ocean. I read somewhere recently that morality is the we being present in the actions of the I. Change yourself to change the world. Make your bed if you want to change the world.

There are multiple realities. Our thoughts and energies are continuously shared and eternal and have nothing to do with money. We know everything at all times. You have to let it be. Leave it. Just let it be. Be willing to be surprised. Let it come. Bring it on. Accept it and then, it's there.

That's how that money came to me. It just was. "Never could be any other way." It's like doing that fake laughing exercise, and then at some point, all of a sudden, your joy is authentic. You're feeling better and actually happy, cracking up, changing your physiology. It literally appeared in my path.

Multiple causes and conditions exist. Internal change first. Then move outside. Not running away from shame and guilt. Taking an action, the action of running away from your uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. That action becomes about you and not about creating the change you want to see in the world. Internal adjustment first, then respond, not react.

I was asking myself: Is this real? Is this really happening right now? I'm walking down the street and there's just a brown paper bag there full of hundred dollar bills here. Seriously?

Never could be any other way.

"Ok now what is it tonight? Please just tell me what the hell is wrong." they said, all mean intonation. I didn't even say anything. Had the bag under my arm. Just looking at them. "Is there something wrong with you?" What the hell? I'm saying to myself. Really? I was saying it to myself in my head. Really? I'm just walking out on this right now. Not even going to act like anything was even said. Just closing the door behind me. Walking out. I had just walked in. Leave it. Don't pick it up.

"That night, I was walking and walking."

Shake it off. Literally. Shake your body. Try it. Stand up. Start slowly jumping up and down. Your physiology will change within minutes.

It reminded me of that time when they said to me "I waited patiently for you. And you do just what you you choose to do." with so much resentment and accusation in their voice. It was like I was being accused of being responsible for every feeling that person had ever had. Being accused of being responsible for their very existence. Maybe I am.

"You could be in love with almost anyone. You think people are the greatest fun. And I will be alone again tonight my dear."

Me finding. Seeing a little glint on the ground. Take a closer look. Often it's nothing. "Well, you're looking." a friend said after I was explaining how I see stuff most don't. I find things. "You're looking."

Bubble burst. Painful reality sometimes. Our deepest dreams unfold from something that already exists. "So we can see what it was that was contrary to what we are and what we once were and wanted not to be." The bubble rising up from unseen depths, eventually allowing itself to be observed, breaking the surface.

Seeing that we are already whole. We are already whole. You are enough. I am enough. Connect. Nurture. Protect. Self and others. Compassion is so important. Recognize the whole in the parts.

Be still and know.

A bag of hundred dollar bills. What?!! I was just asking myself the question, what would I do if I had a few grand just fall in my lap today? Would I adopt a child? Travel to India? Buy a house? Probably none of those things. And there it was sort of tucked under a tree. Don't know why I chose to look in that bag. Curiosity I guess. That's all.

"Don't go losing your today." Goddess Lakshmi ever blessing me. Listen with your whole self. Be led.

"And though love is unstoppable, unstoppable like a runaway train, I know not where these tracks are leading me but leading me they do indeed. Lord, there'll be days like this…"

Make the most of today. Go on and chase your dreams. Take a walk. Go on ahead. Do what you love.

And I wrote all this down in that little black notebook I found on the sidewalk one day. I found it the very same way; box of stuff on the sidewalk. Left there for give aways. Stuff no longer wanted. Just curiosity is what made me look. Looked into the box. The first page was torn out, like someone had given it a go, the writing, but didn't like what they saw. I took it home and glued the second lined page to the binding flap. I called it the salvage page and wrote it on there. That's what it is. Not garbage. Person who left it out there knew that. Knew it'd be useful to someone else, somewhere down the road.