Respect Oneself First

Respect is a tricky concept. Probably, the hardest lesson to master for any student in martial arts or any person navigating life is what does "respect" mean? At various times, individuals are expected to give respect with no other qualifier than "you're supposed to." It always baffles me to think about how many times we say that to a young person, yet we then follow that statement with "respect must be earned."

As a result, we underequip those we are responsible to mentor, or ourselves have been underserved by our progenitors by not teaching this this concept. Why is this a concern? If you cannot understand what respect is for another, it is really hard to advocate for respect for yourself. This can lead to cultural or personal relationships that lead to disrespect and emotional damage by ignorance or by intent. After all, respect is how we define our boundaries. It helps us determine ethical decisions or even grasp concepts like "right" or "wrong."

Also, it may lead to confusion on how to provide or give respect correctly. Like I said earlier, I feel like respect is a modeled behavior that involves guided practice and definition. Typically, people will gravitate to those around them for social cues on how to behave in situations. If young people or even adults view their peers actions as acceptable, they will begin to practice those same or similar behaviors.

So, how can we battle this foe or overcome this concerning obstacle? Taking a lesson from the dojo, we like to teach value based on various relatable concepts. Three that are instrumental in developing respect are membership, responsibility, and accountability.

First, membership is key to understanding value in oneself and others. If you are a member of a group, you share in the work and the rewards. You gain the ability to understand how hard a task is to accomplish and recognize the undertaking to reach a goal. In martial arts, we usually start out with tangible tasks. One common task is setting up the dojo or straightening up after class. These two activities allow a student to appreciate how much energy it takes to provide a good and safe practice area. It also develops an appreciation for having a nice space to train. Additionally, it instills a standard of how things should be conducted and promotes improvement. Lastly, it shows and teaches inclusion of self with others toward success and achievement. Uncommon in our society today, it allows an individual to know that he or she is part of like minded community and support is available.

Second, responsibility grows out of membership. When an individual is empowered by a support structure that emphasizes standards of conduct and positive interaction, he or she feels the need to grow that standard or perpetuate those traits in various areas of his or her life. Typically, this behavioral change starts in one area like martial arts. It may move to a student deciding to train individually outside of class as an expected task from his or her teacher. This may also manifest as a pursuit of improvement in school, work, family, etc. Responsibility and Membership help to define a perimeter of permitted behaviors and expectations for life. They help to begin the concept of a student valuing himself or herself and form a an idea of self-respect.

Third, accountability helps to define how to show respect outside of oneself. Accountability simply helps to determine one's role in a given environment. It helps an individual look outside of himself or herself and apply practiced standards to areas of value. Accountability reinforces growing a respectful culture by demonstrating respect toward others and activities. It allows an individual to broaden other individuals' standards by showing respect as the byproduct of feeling that everyone has to follow responsibility by taking on tasks and making sure that they are carried out successfully. Accountability encourages each person to deal with success and struggle and identify value in task. It teaches a person to seek out including others in tasks where it may be too difficult to accomplish individually. Accountability in essence continues to increase the circumference of respect toward oneself and others in a community focus to improve a greater range of expectation.

In martial arts, we show individuals by bowing respect. We teach cleaning as responsibility to value a space and help others. We have students work together with concern for partners in training with statements like "take care of your partner" and "work together." We model benefit. The seed for the plant of success. We teach respect.

And, if you understand respect, you can sense the opposite. We then teach students to follow the path of being respectful to oneself and others. But, how do we battle disrespect then you may ask? Well, the answer is simple, model respect. Individuals gravitate toward the perceived environmental norm, right? If one person shows respect and kindness, typically, it gets reciprocated. When two show it, a third will follow and so forth. If someone comes and is disrespectful to one person, the disrespect culture may endure one respectful soul, but rarely more. Bullies fear strength. Respect empowers individuals to stay the course under duress. Fear promotes ridicule. Respect promotes acceptance oneself and others. Respect ultimately repels ridicule and draws others into a culture that outlasts barbaric and insecure individuals who may maliciously undermine respect, or quite possibly, they may never have been taught this concept unfortunately.

Thank you, and may respect find you all each and everyone!