Pursue Your Purpose

It is my belief that every person has a purpose in life, and that it is important for everyone to discover this purpose, and to attempt to reach our highest potential in life. I believe we all have unique gifts, and by sharing them with the world we lead more fulfilling lives, and by leading more fulfilling lives we create a domino effect of positive change in the world. It's important to recognize that this isn't an exaggeration, we can truly impact those around us in deeply meaningful ways, and by extension impact the people that are around the people around us and that this continues to ripple out into the world. I think it's safe to say that like a lot of people, I've spent my entire life pursuing my purpose in life. However, also like a lot of people, that pursuit became a secondary goal as I became bogged down by life's adversities: having my heart broken (again and again), struggling to keep the lights on in my first efficiency apartment, coping with depression, gleaning satisfaction out of working menial jobs for arbitrary figureheads, and wondering all the while if this was it for me. But I also believe it is when we are working through our struggles, that we can do genuine soul searching. My search led me to the conclusion that I love helping others, and that I simply love words. I love words so much I decided to try and use them as a way of helping others, while also giving myself fulfillment, and making a bid to be an author.

Words can be complex, some with such unique syllables that when you say them, they roll off the tongue in such a way that saying them is an art in of itself. "Verisimilitude" is one of my favorite words, its meaning describes the realness and authenticity of a thing. I'm unsure where I heard or read it, but every once and a while it just lilts itself across my thoughts, reminding me of words that are rare and beautiful. But it is my personal opinion that words in writing don't need to be flashy to be meaningful. "Love" and "Hope" are common four-letter words who carry such weight and meaning, and likely always will have more value than most words. It is incidentally these words which became the crux of my first novel, "Call Me Sweetheart." In my life, love seemed like an intangible element that always seemed just out of reach. As a result of the elusive nature of love, I became despondent—and was sent into a tailspin of anxiety, depression, and isolation, without the tools necessary to cope in a healthy way. So I coped the only way I knew how—by pursuing casual encounters with anyone willing to spend time with me, as this became the closest tangible facsimile of love I could find. Behind every terrible thing I did during this time in life, I also held on to hope. Hope that I could be redeemed. Hope that I still have good within. Hope that I could be loved and give love. Hope is a powerful thing; it was enough for me to hang on through my darkest days. During this time of darkness, my purpose came to me in a moment of clarity—that I could help others that are in darkness themselves, by writing about my darkest moments and showing that I made it out of them, and that through hope and perseverance, that they could too. I felt the only way to accomplish this in writing, was to first be as brutally honest and real about heartbreak and loneliness as possible. That meant showing every awful thing I either did or experienced as accurately as possible, even if it meant my own peril. It's easy enough to write a happily ever after story, or to leave out the unsavory bits of your life to save face. But for myself, the times I found myself on the edge of uncertainty and desperation, I needed to hear from someone else "I was there too, but you're okay, and just because it's bad now doesn't meant it always will be bad, it can get better."

So this became my driving force in life, reaching those in darkness with my message of hope in the face of darkness, and in doing so I actually found a bit of catharsis and relief from my struggles. There were new struggles of course, such as: the five years it took to write my novel, endless issues getting the cover of my novel correct, naysayers viewing it merely as a cute project, editing expenses, and the intense vulnerability it took to write. After nearly a full year of publication, I've sold 7 copies. I have deep gratitude for each of those copies sold, because I had told myself that if I reach just one person, then every bit of vulnerability and effort I put into it would be worth it—helping someone, even if it's only one person, is priceless. And when it comes to your purpose in life, you may very well never make money off it either. I urge anyone reading this to realize that is a distinct possibility, but to not let that deter you. Whatever it is inside you that needs to be said, expressed, discovered —do not let money alone be a deterrent to let that fire die, for you never know to who that fire is a beacon of hope to. So don't be afraid to fail, to go out of your comfort zone, and to pursue your passion and find your purpose. It is quite possible that that is where you will feel most alive and fulfilled—so find your passion, find your purpose, and live your life, live your life, live your life.