pov: rose colored glasses

I’ve heard from multiple sources that sometimes, I can be “too nice.” Okay, maybe more than multiple. Maybe like- from everyone. And it’s crazy because people say that to me like it’s a bad thing. To others, that’s seen as naïve, gullible, and childish. I will admit, my tendency to see that beauty in everything has landed me in some pretty questionable situations, but every single time, I never let it slow me down. To say the least, I have been shoved into the hardest level of a game that I didn’t even know I was playing. And after coming out more powerful than ever, I’m even more positive and forward-looking than before. It’s perplexing, I know. But that’s because you don’t see what I see- the whole damn thing, like a bird’s eye view. And it’s the most enlightening double-edged sword you could ever imagine.

I look around the bustling city of Los Angeles and it’s hard to picture how this same plot of land used to be barren. Instead of paved roads and office buildings, there was probably just grass. And more grass. And maybe some water, but I really don’t even know so don’t take my word for it. It was a lush and empty landscape that gave rise to best empire I’ve ever seen- the Animal Kingdom. All different kinds of species and wildlife taking their place as predator or prey, claiming their territories from sea to shining sea. Not just LA, but the entire world. It’s an invigorating concept to think that mankind sprouted from this same world, fierce, wild, and untamed as the bulls they ran alongside. We all descended from beasts and savages, and we keep their memory alive with the native fire burning in our core, the fire that warms us with the strength to survive the winter, and transforms into the inner light that guides us into spring. But sometimes, it battles much larger threats, like a Flood or Asteroid. If you’re not careful, that untamed fire can be wiped out in a second, leaving the land desolate and dead. Except for the birds.

When you see the big picture, you start to understand the little things. Like a bird, you see everything from the top. All the tall skyscrapers and deep oceans just become small to you. On the ground, everything can look deadly, but when you’re high up in the sky, everything is just a singular colorful piece of a beautiful puzzle. And that’s how I choose to see the world. It’s a blessing and a curse, and there’s really no fooling me- I see right through you, all your strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, intentions, wounds, etc. This isn’t an attempt to make everyone feel slightly unsettled okay, it’s not like I have X-Ray vision and can see the color of your underwear or something, this is an attempt to…I don’t even know. I guess, I want people to know that it’s safe to come to me about stuff. Like, I understand. I really really understand.

Because of this understanding, I realize that most of what people do is comprised of what they know. And what they know, or think they know, is what they’ve learned in childhood. I’m able to connect the dots of anyone’s vivid portrait of personality, and this is how I know that the categories and clans we over-identify with are just echoes of unhealed scars of an inner child. Most of the time, people react and behave in hurtful ways not because they want to, usually because they feel like they need to. When all of us lash out, withdraw, provoke, etc., we’re really just utilizing our defense mechanisms from some perceived threat. It’s an act of protection, because in that moment, we’re scared. And when we’re really scared, we get really defensive. And the more aggressive we are, the more pain our inner child is in. Whatever dragon inside us that breathes hellfire is actually just trying its absolute hardest to protect the petrified and suffering child deep down. And the harder you fight the dragon, the more you hurt the child. It’s an amazing thing, but also heartbreaking. Even if you tie my hands behind my back or throw me to the wolves, I can never hate you, because behind the angry monster is really just a kid.

In the animal kingdom, everyone wants to come out on top. Everyone wants to puff up their chest and prove their worth, but birds see what’s really going on. Dogs can be all bark and no bite, cats can lurk and betray, rams are really just big sheep, chickens can bawk bawk bawk all they want, and insects can be the biggest nuisance of all time. This isn't me just trying to insult everyone I promise, we're all very aware of our strengths and not so much our weaknesses. The truth is, the weaknesses and strengths don't even matter because all of us have both. Personally, there's no good people doing good things and bad people doing bad things, there's just people doing things. And we keep fighting and accusing each other of the same "weaknesses" that everybody has, that we don't turn our real attention to the real problems. Usually, the more you desire something, the less of it you think you have. The more prideful you are, the more ashamed you are to actually face your actions. The greedier you are, the more lacking you feel in your own self-worth. I mean, it’s kind of easy to figure out- you wouldn’t need to make others feel inferior if you already felt confident in yourself, and greater your need for power, the louder you emphasize how much power you already lack. You never chase anything that you know you already have, so to the people who hide behind a phone screen or magic cloak to get their message across- why don’t you try putting on your big boy pants and say it to my face. Oh right, you can’t, because you’re scared.

My rose-colored glasses is actually the reason I’m so resilient, because I know true story behind those that try to intimidate me and those I care for. I’m kind and generous by default, but I didn’t get to this point by sheer luck, and I have a limit. And it’s a pretty generous limit. Push too far, and there is nothing in the fucking world that will stop me from coming after you. A tiger can rip a sheep apart in its sleep.