There are other people out there who had ice cream for breakfast, hair looking like a chip pan and barely made it through the day.
Honestly, I am having a hard time at the moment and in my hard times, I would usually turn to my journal. Getting all of my thoughts down on paper usually helps. Today, I thought I would try this as an alternative. I have had a lot of good and bad experiences in my 28 years and I live by the fact that there is always something to be learnt from each of them. By myself and by other people. If I can help just one other person who reads this then I've done a good thing.
So today started with me actually getting up and showering, washing my hair and changing into clean loungewear (I am working from home). After that positive start, it really went downhill. My work is falling off my desk and I am at the point where I can barely look at it without wanting to cry. My job is not difficult, I have been doing it for a long time and I am good at it. So why can't I just sit down and do what I have to? No idea! I keep threatening myself with the idea of getting sacked but inner-Lauren doesn't seem to care if I get thrown onto the street because I can't pay my rent.
So tonight, I decided that I'm going to turn it around. I have stopped work for the day, earlier than I should have, but with a good goal in mind. I'm going to take a bath, finish the book I'm reading and maybe crochet more Christmas decorations. I am going to remind myself to unclench my jaw (because it bloody hurts), eat a good meal and try to settle the anxiety boiling inside me.
These are the cards we have been dealt for now. What else can we possibly do but make the best of it? So what if you've put on weight? So what if you've been wearing the same pyjamas for 3 days? I see you and I fully support these actions if you just can't bring yourself to do anything else because I know that sometimes you just need the downtime. I know that when this bad period is over, you will emerge like the brilliant butterfly you are supposed to be. You will be fully motivated, ready to grab any opportunity that comes your way, fit and healthy, radiant! Why? Because you are a woman and that is what you do best. You lie with your pain, you have a cup of tea with it and discuss the problem, then you politely say goodbye at the door and know that this same pain won't visit you again.
Tomorrow is a better, brighter day and if not tomorrow then maybe it's the next day. This is not your permanent state and you know it!