NEW DRAFT - Journey to 30

December 3, 2021. Year 30. Someone told me that 30 hurts.

Today — I will glance in the rearview mirror to see all the experiences & memories my 20’s left behind. It’s difficult to recall my “younger” days or my yesteryears, not because I don’t remember; but rather due to the possibility of reopening old wounds. Honestly, I don’t want to remember.

30 begins a new chapter of my life. So, in order to focus on the windshield & the road that lies ahead, I must 1st recognize & reconcile those things in the rearview mirror.

So, here goes nothing.

Timeline by age, year, & life experience according to Steph:

17 — June 2009

• Started my 1st job at Subway, Eat Fresh (minimum wage was $5.85)
• Graduated high school in the top 10–20% of my class
• Got my driver’s license (I didn’t want to drive)
• Grandma got me my first car — 2002 Ford Mustang
• Started at VCU (Virginia Commonwealth University) majoring in Political Science with a minor concentration in international relations.

18–Decemeber 2009

• Got my 1st piercing as a legal adult (my 3rd hole in my ear)

19 — 2011

• Became pregnant with twins
• Became a licensed nurse with a multi-state compact license
• Shunned by the church, particularly the pastor & his pawns for being pregnant out of wedlock
• Experienced losing the twin, (but my son continued to grow), D&C completed

20 — 2012

• Gave birth to my son via c-section. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice. My personal miracle.

• My grandma was diagnosed with cancer & passed (08–26–2012)

• Left my former church after being a member there for 20 years
• Dropped out of church because of the damage my former pastor caused (My book Church Folks — based on a true story)

• Voted for the 1st time.

21 — 2013

• Married my ex-husband (June)
• Got my nose pierced
• Started a non-profit organization
• Diagnosed with anxiety & depression. Started on meds (Celexa & Buspar)
• Abnormal PAP Smear & several procedures

• Ex-husband became abusive. Separated (December, yes — the same year).

• My dad founded our church — my first role as a Board of Directors member

22 — 2014

• Dated my ex-best friend
• Another abusive relationship
• Witnesses attempted suicide

25 — 2016

• My first niece was born.
• Met my (now) husband & blocked him
• Published my first book (for purchase on Amazon, Books A Million, Barnes & Noble) & held my first book signing
• Published 2 more books.

• Moved into my own place for the 1st time independently

• Bought my first car on my own from my neighbor (2000 Chevy Blazer)

• Car accident — physical therapy twice a week for 8 weeks.

• Grandfather had a massive heart attack & passed suddenly (08–23–2016).

• Great aunt was diagnosed with cancer & made me her POA.
• Great aunt went on hospice & was taking final breaths one night my mother & I visit. She passed.

• Wasn’t able to attend her funeral because of time missed from work due to the accident.
• Great aunt’s son died & his service was held the day before Thanksgiving.
• Received an unexpected beneficiary letter from my great aunt’s life insurance company.

26 /27— 2017

• My uncle died from brain cancer.
• My favorite cousin was killed (12–17–2017).

• Received a settlement from my accident. Bought my first car independently from a dealership (2006 Acura TL)

27 — 2018

• Near-death with the flu, the hospital listed me as life-threatening condition.
• Went on my 1st all-girls trip as a traveling group (Asheville, NC).

• My 2nd book signing at Book Exchange.
• Started my blog & brand, Stephy Says 💋
• Buzz cut, cut all of my hair off to reinvent myself.
• Became a self-taught crafter to alleviate some stress.
• Experienced getting drunk for the 1st time (Long Island Iced Tea)

28–2019

• My son slammed his finger in a door & got stitches for the 1st time. I panicked.

29–2020

• Started my podcast (Stephy Says Show)
• COVID
• Severe kidney infection.
• Started my loc journey
• Reconnected with my now, husband
• Got my 1st tattoo (matching with my best friend)
• Got engaged
• Health began taking a turn for the worse.

29–2021

• “Incidental” findings on my diagnostic imaging. Back & forth to the doctor.
• Got my business license for Golden Years Geriatric Care Management

• My son experienced his 1st surgery after diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. He didn’t recover well.

• My son was hospitalized for the 1st time ever.

• Got divorced officially (after 8 years)
• Got married a week later
• Got a raise at my job

• God revealed some true colors of those I thought was close.

30 — December 2021

• Another tattoo (matching with my husband)
• Got my eyebrow pierced

Before the age of 30, I’ve managed to have a baby, become a nurse, publish 5 books, get divorced, get remarried, & put extra holes in my face.

Needless to say, I’ve had quite a few experiences over the past 10–12 years.

• Some failures & some accomplishments.

• Some summery days & some wintery nights.

• Some moments to be proud of & some moments of embarrassment.

• Some mountain top experiences & some valley low experiences.

• Some laughter & some tears.

• Some sunshine & some rain.

• Some gains & some losses.

• The birth of new things & the death of some old ones.

It’s been a journey, not always a smooth one, but it’s been mine.

Naturally, I would have elected to opt-out of the deaths of some of the most important people of my life. I would’ve also elected to opt-out of the abusive relationships. Those are the memories & wounds I wish I could skip, but those are the same memories that have molded me into who I am today.

Yes, recollecting these memories hurt. Then, I learned that the best way to get through it is by talking (or writing) about it.

A milestone age — This seemed like the perfect time to reflect.

If I had to go through everything all over again, just to be the same me I am today — without a doubt, I would do it. And without hesitation.

I’ve healed, maybe not as much I want to. Then I remind myself: I may not be where I want to be, but thank goodness I’m not where I used to be. I can finally smile. I can finally breathe. The happiness & peace I feel today is immeasurable, & well deserved.

The peace I have now was expensive, & it was paid for in full with tears that could fill the ocean, sleepless nights, & a broken heart.

When you see me happy & at peace, please leave me be. I paid for this.

I fight daily to be this version of me. Every day, I make sure I win.

I affirm my day & my life by saying:

“Who I am today is no one compared to who I will be tomorrow.” -Stephy Ellsworth

Here’s a word of encouragement for you too:

Here’s to old yesterdays, new tomorrows, & the best years of my life.

This is 30.