Letters to my younger selves

If I could write a letter to my 5 year old self, it would go like this.

Hey there. I know right now you think all girls have cooties. And who knows; maybe they do. I’m a psychologist, not a microbiologist.

But if you limit yourself to befriending only half of the other kids, it’s a statistical certainty (that means math says it’s true) that you’re missing out on some of the best friends you could have ever had.

See that girl? Go talk to her. I promise you’ll find there’s more that brings you together than divides you.

If I could write a letter to my 10 year old self, it would go like this.

Hi buddy. I know right now, being called a “gaylord” feels like one of the worst things imaginable. Gay people seem so incomprehensible as to appear on the surface to be immutably alien.

But one day, you will count members of the LGBTQ+ community (yes, it isn’t just “straight” or “gay” – or even just “male” or “female”) among your closest friends. You’ll even question your own sexuality, and decide that that “straight” label you wear with pride right now is perhaps a little wonky after all. And you’ll be happy about it.

Jokes that are fun and harmless to you at the moment are hurtful to others. Others who you might not even know you’re hurting. See those boys holding hands? Go talk to them. I promise you’ll find there’s more that brings you together than divides you.

If I could write a letter to my 15 year old self, it would go like this.

Hey man. I know right now, religion and insanity seem indistinguishable to you. The idea that a devout Christian, Muslim or Jew might also be an intelligent, reasonable and ultimately good person is contrary to your fundamental view of the world.

It’s true that organised religion has been, and continues to be, responsible for a lot of terrible things. But the desire to believe in something bigger than ourselves in the face of tragedy, loss and our own mortality is not foolish; making negative assumptions about everyone who holds such beliefs most definitely is.

Look around, and you will see people doing great and selfless things in the name of their beliefs. Talk to them. I promise you’ll find that there’s more that brings you together than divides you.

If I could write a letter to my 20 year old self, it would go like this.

Sup bruh. I know right now, you look at people on benefits spending money on alcohol and cigarettes (or, god(s) forbid, having children) and think that you’re seeing the very worst that humanity has to offer.

You wax philosophical and political about ways to better disincentivise such irrational behaviours; ‘tough love’ approaches which will motivate the poorest members of society to better themselves. You see the political left as weak, bleeding-heart socialists who’d enable people’s innate laziness until they killed them with kindness.

But you haven’t lived the life of a single mother, or a destitute jobseeker, or a recovering alcoholic. You have no idea what difficulties they’ve faced, or the reasons they have for seeking comfort in their vices. Where you see weakness, you could just as easily see incredible strength; strength to persevere in the face of stupefying odds.

Seek out the people you currently vilify. Talk to them. Listen to their stories. Understand their challenges, and empathise with their struggles. I promise you’ll find that there’s more that brings you together than divides you.

If I could write a letter to my 25 year old self, it would go like this.

Alright fella. I think you overcorrected a bit there. Compassion is a great and noble thing, but the fact that a person hasn’t arrived at the same conclusions as you regarding social welfare does not make them a heartless monster.

Politics, and the philosophy which guides it, is complex and nuanced. Two people can arrive at diametrically opposed viewpoints through perfectly morally and rationally sound routes, and dismissing those who disagree with you as idiots or monsters – no matter how foolish or egregious you might find their opinions to be – does nothing to make the world a better place, and everything to make it worse.

As much as you might believe that your solutions to the world’s problems are infallible, the truth of the matter is that - as you yourself know deep down - the more you learn about the world, the more you realise how little you know.

The important thing is not that your opinions are correct right now. The important thing is that you’re continually seeking challenge for your own views.

Find people who think differently to you. Hell, find people who disgust you; whose core belief structures make you want to claw your eyes out. Talk to them. Listen – really listen – to their stories; to why they arrived at the opinions they hold. I promise, under everything, you’ll find that there’s more that brings you together than divides you.

And maybe, just maybe, they’ll realise it as well.

All the best,

You from the future.

P.S. Buy Bitcoin