Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Me,

Knowing you (literally), you will never read this since you're too busy wondering where and who you're gonna sit at lunch with tomorrow, because you just got into an argument with a friend and you have no one else to fall back on because nobody, literally, nobody likes you. Or so you thought ...

It is currently 3am, Friday 9th of October 2020, and I'm writing this. But here it goes. It's you, 4/5 years later, writing to you (with a wiser mind). Hi, how you doing? It's too early too write this but there's so much I need to tell you to stop worrying about. I'm about to be straightforward so your ass better be ready for the shit that comes out right now.

Friends are trash and do nothing for you. I can repeat this to you for days upon days but you won't let it get through your thick skull. Why are you worrying about a bunch of people that will mean absolutely nothing to you in 10 years time? Mum told you this and yet you failed to listen. Again. Also, stop the attitude. Don't be surprised when your family uses your attitude against you-when you've pissed them off-as a reason to why you have ZERO friends. It'll hurt but you only have yourself to blame since you wanna throw a hissy-fit for no reason.

Anyways, off topic a lil bit. Let me get back on track. Stop worrying about boys. They're just as useless now as they were back then. Yes I know, the cute lightskin boy doesn't like you as much as you like him. And neither does the cute one who was LITERALLY cheating on his girlfriend. But you don't care. Why? Shouldn't this be alarm bells for you? Why do you care so much about boys and being in relationships? You are fourteen. Fourteen years old. Girl .... you should be more worried about somebody spending your coins on Subway Surfers than you should about your relationship status.

Stop worrying about friends and stop allowing them to disrespect you. Seriously? I'm very aware that it looks stupid and weird to sit by yourself at lunch but honestly, who cares? Know your worth, then add tax to it (you'll understand this later). The amount of disrespect you tolerated from these so called friends has me mad 4/5 years later. Girl .... seriously? Really? Drop them right now. You won't see them in 4/5 years, trust and believe. The amount of stress you're going through is not worth it.

You're frightened of the outcome of this but please, and I really beg you, please fight back. Defend yourself, do something at least. All the bullying, the countless name calling, skinny shaming, mocking your features (which they will love today, trust me sweetie), don't let it kill you and eat you up inside. You not defending yourself gives them more than what they need to taunt you. Also, learn to forgive. God will really thank you later for that.

What I know you're wishing for right now, is that somebody listens to your cries for help. And that somebody actually believed you when you said you're feeling depressed. Mum didn't believe you and I know that hurt. I know that you feel nobody cares. I know that you feel nobody loves you. I know that you feel you're probably better off dead. I know. Listen to me when I say that there is always light at the end of a tunnel. Your light will soon come.

I'm so happy you've made it this far. I'm so happy you didn't forcefully change anything about yourself for other people. I'm so happy you didn't lose your virginity (still standing strong by the way) as early as you possibly could. No it's not because you "are/were ugly". It's because you knew your time to lose it would come when it does (news flash, future you is still waiting).

I wish you all the best. Most importantly, stop worrying.

Yours sincerely,

You x