Leaving A Narcissist

James barged open the door to the diner where his girlfriend worked. Patrons looked over at the entry way, most of them looking annoyed that he had let in the bitter, cold air from outside.

“Hey James, close the door!” shouted an older man named Tom. He was a local who frequently dined at the restaurant. Tom had worked for years as a town firefighter before retiring and had always come in to eat brunch.

James slammed the door shut. “There.” And stumbled over to the counter.

“Hey one of your brats won’t stop whining. You need to come home now.” Rose did not glance up at him; she was pouring a cup of coffee for a patron, a man who had been in recently, a few times consecutively, and was staying at the motel down the street.

“My shift is almost up. I’ll be home in about 45 minutes.” She said in a matter-of-fact manner. Don’t react. She thought to herself.

“Fine. Who’s this guy?” He said bitingly as he stared intensely at the man.

“Oh my God! Go home James, seriously, what the hell!” Mia angrily barked.

“Hey Mama Mia, those pants are looking a little tighter on you.” He returned, before leaving the diner.

After a few minutes, they heard the tires screech as James peeled out of the parking lot in his Ford Tundra.

“Ugh! When are you leaving him?” She looked over at Rose, rhetorically demanding to know.

Rose said in a low voice, “You know I can’t right now. I don’t have enough saved yet. I just… can’t.” Rose let out an anxious sigh. She had been wanting to move away for quite some time, ever since realizing James wasn’t exactly who he had seemed to be. She also knew that she couldn’t alert James to her plans.

“Yeah I know, I’m just worried about you. Things could get…worse. And God so help me, if he ever puts his hands on you…” Mia said with flare, flailing her arm and hand upwards toward the ceiling as she walked past Rose, balancing a couple of plates of food in her other hand and inner arm for a table of three in a booth overlooking the parking lot and located next to the retired firefighter.

Rose made a quick call home. “Hey sweetie. Listen, I’m going to be home shortly. Everything okay?”

Her eldest daughter told her what had happened and why her little sister was whining. She let Rose know yet again, that she thought he was such a self-absorbed jerk and that she wishes her mother would just leave him.

“I hate him! And he’s not even my dad!” She shouted to her mom on the phone. Then her daughter started crying and then telling her mom that she would be fine before saying bye and hanging up.

Rose had first met James one night in a few towns over at a mutual friend’s evening get together. They both had noticed each other right away. James was very attractive, with symmetrical features, and tall with an average appearing physique. They seemed to hit it off immediately and within weeks Rose could be seen constantly with him; they were often holding hands, kissing and cuddling. Their relationship had progressed really fast, and he was always stopping by her apartment to spend time with her, sometimes unannounced.

One night after about two months of seeing each other, she had expressed her discomfort to James and wanted to take the relationship more slowly. Although he initially agreed, and said it was not a problem, that he understood, during the next several weeks he didn’t demonstrate that he was willing to abide by her request. He insisted on spending even more time with Rose. Despite that, Rose did find that she was falling in love with him; he was excellent with her children, he was thoughtful with his romantic gestures, and seemed dependable, reliable and hardworking. She also felt like it was time to move on; it had been four years since her divorce. Her previous husband had taken off with some other woman, and her and the kids never heard from him again. Rose had very little finances and as a result, often struggled to pay rent and other bills.

But after Rose had moved in with James, she had started to notice a shift in his behavior. Their first argument erupted when Rose mentioned that she was going to go out for the day with her friend; James started yelling at her, saying that he thought they were going to spend the day together, and when Rose didn’t sway from her decision, he became angrier, and threw a plate at the wall, breaking the dish.

And then after two more years of being together, the arguments had increased in frequency, he constantly yelled at her kids and James would ignore Rose sometimes for days; the seemingly nice, charming, romantic man was no longer.

The stranger staying down the street at the local motel looked at Rose and said, “Could I get some more coffee please?” Rose poured him some more coffee.

“Thank you. I’m Matt by the way. You know, I couldn’t help but overhear, and forgive me if I am overstepping, but I agree with your friend. You want someone who will both respect and love you. Reminds me of how much I miss my wife. See, I lost my wife a few years ago.” He said and pulled up a photo of her on his phone.

“Oh I’m so sorry. You and her look quite happy in that photo. She’s quite lovely.” Rose empathetically replied.

“Thank you. Yes we were. I loved her very much. I still think about her all the time. Some people are just so incredible, you know, and she was one of those rare people. She was definitely my better half.” He managed to speak the last sentence before choking up.

“I can tell you really miss her and really loved her. Maybe I will find that one day…” Rose solemnly trailed off.

Rose got to talking some more with Matt. She ended up disclosing to him how she really wanted to move out of the rural north and move out west to Spokane. She wanted access to the arts and cultural diversity. She also shared with him how she had plans to become a writer. She was currently in an online program working towards completing a Bachelors in English, but she wanted to transfer into a creative writing program. She also told him she just didn’t see that as being a realistic possibility. She was barely getting by financially and couldn’t afford to move away.

Matt thanked Rose for the coffee and settled his tab. “You know, I think you are going to be just fine Rose.” He smiled warmly at her. Then, he grabbed his coat, put on his hat, gloves and coat, and left the restaurant.

Rose felt happier than she had in a while. She appreciated the chance to connect with the stranger, and felt hopeful, something she hadn’t felt in a long time.

As Rose was clearing away the dishes left on the counter, she noticed Matt had left behind a little black book. It looked like a writing journal. As she picked it up, a heavy, white envelope slipped out. It wasn’t sealed, and she took immediate notice of the large amount of multiple, one-thousand dollar bills. She quickly closed the envelope and stuffed it into the journal.

Rose urgently motioned to Mia to come over. Mia walked over and as soon as she said “Yeah what’s up.” Rose grabbed her arm and ushered her towards the back in the kitchen.

She whispered, “You know that stranger that was just in here and left? Well, he left this behind.”

She showed Mia the cash. Mia looked at her wide eyed. “Damn, that’s an amazing tip! You can totally move now!” She tried to contain her excitement for Rose.

“Don’t be silly. Nobody leaves someone 20,000 dollars! I can’t take this! It’s not mine!”

“I will gladly take it then.” Mia laughed.

“Haha funny. I’m sure he will be back in, and I can give it to him then.”

Mia was disappointed. Rose firmly said, “I can’t just act like I have no idea about his notebook or money.”

“Well you can actually.” Rose gave her a stern look. “Okay fine.” Mia grumbled.

“Have you read the journal?” Mia asked.

“No, I can’t do that either. It looks personal. See the handwriting?”

“Ugh, sometimes, you’re no fun Rose.”

Rose just stared at Mia.

“Well can I look at it?” Rose hesitated. “Come on, I’m not going to read it, I promise. I just wanted to check the exterior of it. It looks familiar.”

Mia overlooked the journal, carefully scrutinizing it, taking note of the color and texture. She rubbed on the surface multiple times.

“It reminds me of my black notebook; it looks identical. These types of notebooks are very appealing. I use mine for daily journaling.” She said.

“Well, I can’t keep it.” She told Mia she would wait until the guy came back in, as she was sure he would be back in soon.

Rose anxiously waited for the next week. Each shift she was on, she would glance over at the door when it opened, only to be disappointed, and her anxiety continued. She decided to wait until after three more days had passed, and then she was going to make an inquiry at the motel down the street.

After the third day had passed, and the stranger hadn’t returned, she kept to her self-made promise. She walked into the motel and asked the front desk about a recent non-local patron.

“Oh yeah, I think I know the guy you are referring to, Matt was his name I think.”

“Yeah that’s likely him.” Rose replied.

“Okay, let me see here. Yep. He checked out of here last week.”

Rose felt unsettled. How was she going to track him down now? She didn’t want to tell the front desk about the money as she didn’t trust that they would honor returning the money to the stranger, so she asked instead if he had left a phone number. The front desk told her they couldn’t disclose that information.

Rose decided to read through the journal, hoping it might give her a clue so that she could return the money and notebook. She opened the journal and noticed there was only one entry. And noticed the date written was of the previous week:

“My wife passed away a few years ago from a terminal illness. We had been struggling prior to that, with all of her treatments and medical bills that kept piling up. She also had expensive medications that were adding to the cost. My wife not only was very sick, she was worried too. We both were. And I wanted nothing more than to comfort my wife since her illness was terminal. I remember talking with a woman about what we were going through. She was a stranger at the grocery store. I came home from the grocery store that day and had found an envelope with 20,000 in cash and a note that read ‘hopefully this will be enough to help you out’. I was able to pay the medical bills for my wife. I was able to spend the last precious moments we had together building memories and ensuring she was comfortable, happy and enjoying her experiences. I tried tracking down the woman who gifted me the money to thank her, to pay her back, but wasn’t able to.

I’m hoping that this will be enough to assist you. And maybe one day, you will be able to help someone else.”

~Matt

Rose teared up, and unable to restrain her emotions, she released a stream of relief. Matt is right. I’m going to be fine. I’m going out west.