Just Say "NO"

Saying “NO” is self-care. I came across this statement recently while scrolling through the abyss that is social media, and it suddenly dawned on me that “No” was a word very rarely used in my vocabulary.

You see, I’ve always been a people pleaser; always putting others before myself and constantly sacrificing my own wants and needs for the wants and needs of others. Often, my life and goals would get put on hold because I was too busy making everyone else a priority. So in trying to make others happy, my own happiness was taking a backseat.

“Yes” was constantly flying out of my mouth. Need a favor? The answer was “Yes.” Need a companion for drinks? “Yes.” Need to borrow money? “Yes.” Looking for shift coverage at work? “Yes.” The answer was always “YES.”

But in saying yes to things I didn’t always have the time or capacity for, I was unknowingly doing a major disservice to myself by constantly pleasing others. It took me years to come to that realization, and even longer for me to finally be ok with replacing some of those yeses with nos. I had to alter my mindset, and in doing so alter my vocabulary to match that new mindset by exchanging a commonly used word with one that was foreign and uncomfortable for me. But in the end, doing so was one of the best decisions I ever made, and I’m going to walk you through spring-cleaning your vocabulary and how it can change you for the better.

SPRING CLEAN YOUR VOCABULARY- REPLACE “YES” WITH:

WHY SAYING “NO” WILL BETTER YOUR LIFE

•You weed out the users! There’s a quote by Henry Ford that goes “Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do,” and truer words have never been spoken. When you’re a people pleaser, there are bound to be people in your life who take advantage of that kindness. Pay attention to who sticks around and who makes themselves scarce when you start setting boundaries and saying no. You’ll soon start to realize who was truly there for you and who was only there for what you could do for them. While it may be a hurtful discovery, it’s a blessing in disguise to find out who is really worth your energy. Ditching the dead weight and leeches who drain you dry will lighten the load and make room for authentic, healthy, reciprocal relationships that add to your life instead of taking from it.

•You learn to set boundaries! As I said before, takers will continue to take if you don’t set limits, and you will encounter these takers all throughout your life. This is why learning to set boundaries and being comfortable with enforcing them is important to preserving your energy. The sooner you learn to do this, the better off you’ll be in the long run with knowing how and when to draw that line in the sand. Set your boundaries, stick firm to them, and be willing to walk away when those boundaries aren’t respected.

•You put yourself first! When it comes down to it, you should always choose YOU. Making yourself a priority is so important to your physical, mental, and emotional health and no one should ever feel bad about picking themselves. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the airplane oxygen mask scenario right? In the event of an emergency on a plane, passengers are supposed to put their own oxygen masks on first before helping others. That scenario is commonly used as a metaphor for life, because it shows that you simply can’t effectively help someone else without first helping yourself. So in putting yourself first, you’re setting yourself up to be better for others. Regardless, you should put yourself first for YOU, because how you treat yourself is a reflection of what you think you’re deserving of and the person who should take the best care of you is, well you! You’re allowed to be selfish with yourself, so choose you!

•You make space for productivity! Here’s a simple equation: Saying no = more time. Saying no = less stress. Saying no = more energy. Therefore, more time + less stress + more energy = more productivity. It’s as straightforward as that. When you stop running yourself ragged for others and using up your spare time to do things you don’t want to, you leave more room for yourself. More room to get things done you’ve been putting off; more room for those hobbies you love; or more room to simply just relax so you can be the best version of yourself.

•You take back control! There is so much power in saying the word “No” and meaning it. Power in taking control of your own life and what you want to do with it. Power in not sacrificing what you want to please others. Power in standing your ground. Power in unapologetically putting yourself first. And when you take control of your life even in the simplest of ways, you take control of your destiny.

One of my favorite sayings is as follows; “Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions. Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes destiny.” It all starts with your thoughts and words; so Spring Clean that mind and vocabulary this season and lead the life you deserve!