Just Me

What makes me … well … me. It’s my love for others. It’s my roses and rainbows through the tears. My life may seem mild to others, but to me it’s everything. I can’t tell you how many countless, failed relationships I’ve had. Or the jobs that made me feel worthless and I had to work twice as hard because of the color of my skin. Or being judged because I am a single mother. BUT through all of that I STILL persevered.

I have now written 2 published books. And although I have yet to win any writing contest or challenge, I continue to try. The biggest failure would be to not try. I celebrate and congratulate those who have won. And it is THAT who or what makes me – me. I have found the courage to keep going even through every loss. The reward – the opportunity to do it all over again. All it takes is one yes and I am in. That day will come. I just know it.

I love being the weird kid. I love shocking you. I love having you clutching your pearls. For so many years I kept enclosed. I would hide my true self to make everyone comfortable around me. Now that I am older – I am like why? Everyone else gets to do what they want. Why can’t I? It’s not like I am doing reckless or dangerous things. I just write. I just let the elements take me to that place. My writing is natural. It is a mixture of Stephen King & Shonda Rhimes. It’s wonderful to see people get excited about my work.

The authentic me says it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. So, let’s shock the world! I think I remained quiet for so long due to the fact that at one point I was overweight, under paid, underappreciated, and did not know my true value. NOW. I have reclaimed my health, life, and time. The thing is, I was always strong – confident even. It’s strange though that now that I am smaller and healthier – people take me seriously.

Even IF I had not reclaimed my health, I don’t think it would stop me from doing what I love and that’s writing. Well, technically speaking (if I didn’t die due to complications). Speaking of death and I promise you will see why I feel the way that I do – I know I have a purpose. A spark. And what I keep coming back to is writing.

The reason I brought up death is because at 16 I tried to take my life and I LIVED without medical assistance. At 33 I nearly drowned in a river. At 42 I was in a horrific accident that could have taken both my life and my six-year old’s. Not even three months later I was hospitalized for four and a half days while they tried to regulate my heart. THAT was the most pivotal moment in my life. The doctors were waiting for me to have a heart attack or stroke at any moment. I did not. I survived that because I have a story to tell.

I knew from a young age that I wanted to be an actress. I absolutely love the Fine Arts. I was an actress, violinist, dancer, and color guard member in Marching Band. It’s in my blood. So much so that my children are also Fine Arts majors. It does my heart good to know that they love the arts as much as I do. They are why I keep going. I want them to know that it doesn’t matter at what age you accomplish your goals or dreams, it just matters that you accomplish them. And I am doing just that. I hold on to the hope that one day it will take off the way I want it to.

I know my time is coming. My hope and faith are everything to me.

What I love about me is how people ALWAYS ask me after reading my work is “when was the last time you spoke with a therapist”. To me that’s the best part. I get to put my intrusive thoughts on paper. They look at me as this sweet and innocent person. And I am, but like I said, I like the shock factor.

I may write insane things, but I promise I am the sanest person you will ever meet.