It's Not How Early. It's How Well...

It's Not How Early. It's How Well…

A few years ago, I used to run a small grocery shop at a corner near where I lived. It was my first clear shot at entrepreneurship. 

My initial intention of opening the shop was to use it as a store for keeping the farm produce I would grow or purchase in wholesale from other farmers. I intended to repackage it then sell it to retail customers or mini wholesale customers at a profit. 

Of course, things don't always go the way you plan them. And rather than close the shop when I wasn't delivering the produce to my customers from the store, I decided to open it and sell directly to passersby too. (Well a friend suggested that I do this to maximise the use of my time and the space.) For this, I would hire help from time to time. Sometimes I would do it myself. This meant that I would work till as late as ten o'clock at night. 

Lots of people used to pass by the shop. Sometimes I would notice this woman in an Afro. She always wore a dress. I remembered her mostly from her afro and her walking style. She never used to buy from me though. She would just strut back and forth while going on with her activities. 

One evening however this woman stopped by asking if I had tomatoes. I remember very well that she was wearing a yellow dress on this day. As I packed some for her, she struck up a conversation. And as a retailer who was looking to hook in a regular customer, I engaged with her. 

"Why do you close so late." She probed. "You are a young girl. Shouldn't you be going home early to rest or something?"

" I try to maximise my earnings as much as I can. I recently started this and I feel so left behind by my peers…" That last part was a slip. I did not intend to open up that much to a total stranger. Or at all even. But it seems my feelings, insecurities and doubt had gotten the better part of me and were demanding to be aired. Whether I wanted it or not. 

"What do you mean." She kept probing.

"Well, I just feel underachieved at my age. Lots of my friends, age mates and former colleagues are doing very well in their lives and I am here trying to build this thing and it doesn't seem to be going as well as I would have hoped..." I shrugged feeling very needy to a stranger and even embarrassed for it to be honest. 

"What do you mean they are doing very well?"

I mean they have stable jobs and careers. Have families and kids and stuff. They started their things early enough. Which I feel is what I should have done. It took me a while..."

She moved closer to me, wrapped her hands around her body and with a concerned look asked me:

" How do you know they are doing well? Do you know the exact intricate details of their lives?"

"No…. Buuuuut…" I was stuttering.

"Let me tell you, young girl." She said in a motherly voice.

I rolled my eyes a little to the side trying hard not to let this new customer notice as I said to myself - here comes the lecture… 

"It is not how early. It is how well. Never wake up in the morning and say you should have done something earlier. It is not how much earlier you started it. It is how well you are able to do it when you start. Don't feel like it's ever too late for you. Or that because someone else started earlier than you means you might not get there yourself. Don't make it a competition and work towards making sure that when you start something or when you get somewhere or wherever you want, you do it well."

I nodded because she had a valid point.  

She continued to lecture me for the next few minutes. Telling me her personal story of how she got married early way before several of her peers. She said she felt very achieved because marriage was a thing women especially at her time aspired for. And because she had gotten it early enough, she felt like she was ahead of everyone else. 

She added that it took her over a decade to realise that she should have taken her time to build herself and not to rush into intertwining her life with a man's. That she knew several of her friends who took their time before making such commitments and ended up living better quality lives than she did. Even though they started later than she did. She also shared other several examples from her personal life. 

I felt uncomfortable that a stranger was opening up this much to me. And I felt embarrassed that her words were resonating with me. I also felt happy and relieved even that she cared enough to tell me all this just to make me feel better even though she was not obliged to. 

Truth is, I was in my late twenties and I was feeling lost. And I wasn't where I had expected to be in life at that point. As matter of fact, I felt like I was regressing. I had just quit the security and potentials of the corporate world to chase this entrepreneurial dream of venturing into the world of agribusiness. I had lost lots of weight in the process, my once beautiful long hair had turned into a mess of carbon threads. I couldn't afford to maintain it like I had been doing before on my corporate salary. My skin wasn't looking as good too

You could tell I was struggling just by a glance. I couldn't afford little luxuries such as some wine, a piece of chocolate or a new pair of shoes also as all my income was pumped into paying bills or building the business. It was super stressful. Especially since I had been living a better life previously. 

At that time period, I felt like I would have to defer lots of my wants and dreams to work on that one  - which was not going well. And that meant putting of interests such as going back to school or even dating, having a family and kids etc. All these made me feel as though I would be on a journey of falling deeper into a hole before gaining the strength to dig myself back up. I wasn't even sure I'd ever get back. I honestly felt like a loser. My mental health was the worst it could ever be. And I operated on autopilot blocking all feelings. 

Lots of people don't want to be associated with you when things are going bad for you. That's a truth I learnt first hand. I became a hot topic among my so-called friends. My family treated me like trash. To them, I was wasting my life away chasing a dream that would never be fulfilled. My parents would sneer at me every time I went to their place. It seems they had this picture in their head of who I was supposed to be and had turned out to be a complete disappointment and even an embarrassment and a source of shame for them. And I would hear snide comments from my siblings from time to time. Even though they would consult me on commodity prices whenever they were having a function that demanded cooking for several people. 

As I had learnt to block my feelings, I didn't hold it against them for not seeing it from my perspective. I didn't want to feel anger or loathing for them. It wouldn't help the situation. Meanwhile, everyone around me seemed to be doing really well. Social media in particular didn't help my case. They all seemed to be living the dream. Like they had made the right choices and I was continually making the worst. 

And I had been feeling so bad about my life ready to give up until the day the woman in the yellow dress came to buy from me and told me the most poignant words that gave me strength and helped me cope. 

It is not how early. It's how well. 

And those are the words and the lessons in them that have been ringing in my head every time I think about my life and my journey since. 

Don't compare your journey to someone else's.

Don't be quick to start. And don't ever feel like you started too late or will start too late. Just focus on doing it well when you do it. 

This could be school, a job, a business or a relationship. Don't rush into it. Just ensure that when you do it whether it would be considered early or late that you do it well. Whether you become a parent at 25 or 36. Doesn't really matter as long as you make sure you are a good parent when you do it. Whether you start your business, a blog or write your book at whatever period in your life, just focus on doing it well. As it's not about how early or late you do it. But how well you do it when you reach there. 

I learnt this from the woman in the yellow dress and an Afro.

I closed my shop a few months after this encounter for some personal reasons and because the landlord wanted to renovate. I never got to see the woman again. That was the first and only encounter. 

But the lessons I learnt from the encounter with her have been with me since. Of all the things I picked from being in that shop, that encounter was the one that shaped my life's perspectives the most. It's as though my life's journey led me to open that shop just so that she could come in and tell me the words. 

My life is still not where I would want it to be. I am still growing my agribusiness and haven't achieved some of my other life's objectives such as having children yet. But it is much better than it was then for sure. And this is mainly because I have been able to cope better with my situation, my achievements, my failures and my goals by incorporating the wisdom the woman shared with me. 

So dear woman with the yellow dress and an Afro, 

Wherever you may be. I could say many things to you, but at this point, I would simply like to say thank you. 

Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. They came to me at the point when I needed to hear them the most when everyone else was telling me and showing me the exact opposite. When I myself couldn't find them within myself. 

You didn't have to tell me words that could help me in my journey but you did anyway. For that I thank you. And thank you even more for caring enough in the first place to share them with me - a stranger. 

I have immortalised them in this story in the hope that they can resonate with someone else who may come across them and they too may find wisdom and healing from them. Just like I did. 

I do hope that you find someone in your life's journey that may tell you impactful words in the way yours were to mine. 

They say not all angels have wings. And you were the angel without wings in my life. They also say a single person and a single moment can change your life and that person for me was you and the moment was with you. 

Once again I thank you. 

Sincerely, 

The girl with the grocery shop at the rner