I Missed Christmas

I am a Christmas girl. It is my favorite time of year, always has been. When I was little I used to watch my mom and dad plan for it with sheer excitement. Months ahead, cleaning, decorating, baking and baking, Christmas songs, everything happy, even the room, even the stars. What better moves the momentum of a season than merriness and special occasion.

I had already accepted that this Christmas 2021 was going to be a meager one. My small business at home suddenly stalled for a few months after a few lucrative successive years, I was behind in everything. I was expecting a small deposit and a couple of sales so I thought to myself, at least I will be caught up on some bills and have some kind of dinner without the fixins. Then the deposit never arrived and I never heard back from the customers. With a deep breath, I called the local food bank and feeling like a beggar asked for a Christmas hamper of food (gulp). Feeling like at least one thing was taken care of so I would carefully plan around not having anything else. Being thankful for what I did have. My father passed away in April, the family still grieving it was like no one was celebrating anything.

I would write my head off I thought to myself. I would fill my Christmas week with Christmas music and days of writing poetry and short stories reminiscent of good times. Keeping my future plans tucked safely in my heart for whenever they could begin. Prepared mentally as always.

Then foolish me, I accidentally dropped my phone into a bowl soaking with warm water as I was cooking. Great, something else that would need to be replaced with no money to. Heavy sigh. The next day like some kind of cosmic fluke after having passwords change and strange internet problems I tried to upload a new internet security program on my laptop and the thing crashed. Went black in a second. Now what.

Last year I had bought a phone, a cheap little one, in case of emergencies such as this. So at least I had that to check my business activity or check one of the several writing platforms I am on.

Then as life would give me a further kick in the butt, the internet got cancelled right at Christmas. No Christmas music for me. I don't use a dvd player or stereo. Dear life, please consider when you kick someone in the butt it does not move them forward. It makes them sit and soothe their soul. So I did that. I sang acapella to the room instead over and over again. If there is some kind of cosmic wonder Adele can probably hear me, as well the jolly old elf himself.

One does not know how much life is attached to the internet than when one doesn't have it. We are tied to the thing. Business is not run, groceries are not delivered (no car), bills are not paid (even if the money was there to). Not to mention authentication codes to log into anything going berzerk with no place to go. No entertainment. No music. It was like a funeral for the room.

"Better days ahead," was my father's favorite saying. He had many but that was one he said all the time. "Oh well, no sense in worrying, better days ahead." It is now my motto. It says many things, not to worry, to trust in goodness, in things coming around for you and he was always correct about things like that.

I emphatically put my heart and soul into prayer. Despondence will never get me, not ever. I don't believe in it. I believe in Christmas and the hope it brings.

Having a small business from home, even juggling more than one, is like feast or famine. You teeter on budgets and plans. You might even panic at the thought of worst-case scenarios. Fingers crossed you totter on futures.

Prayers answered, it is now Christmas in my home a month later, (my temporary dwelling I am constantly reminded of.) Yet it is here a month past the winter solstice, January 21st. Things slowly catching up, a loan from a friend in kindness paid back too. Groceries in the cupboard, internet back on, and phone blazing with authentication codes again. Yes, and the sweet sound of Christmas songs playing that I sing along to all day long.

How sweet is this! To have patience grow a garden. For a lingering soul to say hello. For peace to grow around you. A reminder of what you are truly grateful for. Thanks for the prayers answered because there are many more.

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