I Feel Like I Am Going To Die

I feel like I am going to die. No, for real, I truly do. I do not necessarily mean that I feel like I am going to die soon...but I feel like someday I am going to die. “Of course,” you say, snickering, “It’s a common fact that ten out of ten people die.” Yes. That’s true. I suppose it has always been in my brain, but recently I have started to feel like I am going to die someday. Do you know what I am talking about, the difference between knowing you are going to die and actually feeling it? Yeah, that’s what I am feeling right now. And it is a very scary thought.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of like being alive. I mean, if I wasn’t alive I wouldn’t be able to read part two of Lindsey Rae Brown’s incredible story, That One Time The Queen of Cringe Created a New World Order. The link to the story will be listed at the end of the article, I highly recommend you read it. It brings me nothing but pure joy, and I cannot explain it. Anyways, back to dying. I don’t know what happens after death, nobody actually knows except for the billions of people throughout history that have gone before us into that great beyond. So in a way, death is somewhat exciting...almost like a present on Christmas Day, one that you have been eyeballing the whole time but your parents said to leave alone until the end, and you cannot help but wonder what amazing surprise lies within. Or of course, it could be something absolutely horrible and just about the worst gift you ever got, and your parents just wanted you to open the really good presents before the really bad one.

During my reflections on the idea of dying, I have pondered exactly what it means to die, and the impact that it will have on the world when I finally kick the bucket myself. I have thought about the implications of dying, the process behind it, and the sheer mystery of it. Now, I am nobody special. I don’t have a lot of money, I am not famous (the most number of people who could say they know anything about me or have heard my name, in my estimation, is no more than 300 souls), and I don’t even have a family (my dysfunctional family dynamic may be a story for another day). So in my opinion, there would not be many people who would actually miss me when I am gone, and I constantly struggle with the idea that I have not done enough with my life, and that I am not ready to die. Yet at the same time, life is so freaking hard and pointless I have found myself, before, thinking yeahhhhh, death sounds like it could be a good thing. Now, please don’t get me wrong: I am not suicidal and I do not at all promote self harm of any kind. These were just some of the thoughts that would float through my head.

And now, it is at this juncture that I would like to disclose to you the conclusions I came to from all this pondering and thinking that I have done. There are three simple ones I found, and I would like you to hear them.

1) Death is something that cannot be avoided, so stop trying to avoid it

It’s funny how so many people will spend so much of their life trying to eat healthy, exercise, do yoga, eat superfoods, ect. So that they can live longer. And believe me, I am all for living a healthy lifestyle (though admittedly I am a heavy tobacco smoker and will most likely develop lung cancer by the time I am forty), but there comes a point when it becomes too much. Some people will waste literal years of total time in their life just so they can extend it by a couple years, maybe a decade? It seems to me that the time you wasted trying to extend your life actually ended up shortening it in time spent extending it. Chew on that for a bit. The main point I am trying to make here is that death cannot be avoided, so stop wasting so much time trying to stop it and use that time instead doing the things that you love.

2) Nobody’s Life Is Truly Significant, So Stop Trying To Get Famous

Now, some people may not know what I mean by this. Allow me to explain. Everyone is forgotten eventually. Even the greatest historical figures, despite being recorded in history books, are fading from memory as other figures show up and replace them. Not to mention kids don’t retain any of their history lessons anyways. Now don’t get me wrong....I do believe there are people whose lives are very significant, very important. People who are literally changing the world for the better. I used to want to be famous, so that people would remember me after I died. But all this thinking has gotten me to change my views. I don’t care if no one remembers me, because I want to focus on what I can do to make the world a better place. These two points tie into the overall conclusion I want to share with you.

3) Don’t Focus On The Destination, Focus On The Journey

We are all constantly thinking about death and the ramifications of it throughout our lives. You will most likely be thinking about it even more after reading this article. But I realized something as I thought about all of these things. Death is unavoidable, so why are we going to waste time thinking about it when we could be thinking about what we are going to do in the meantime while we wait to get there. I mean, we have such a short amount of time on this planet, we need to be focused on the journey getting to our last day, and not focused on that last day itself.

I want to thank all of you truly for taking the time out of your day to read this. I appreciate the support and if you would like to, leave a heart, share the story with someone you think could hear it, and if you REALLY like it then consider possibly adding a tip. Also, here is the link to the story I mentioned earlier, I hope that you read it and find as much enjoyment out of it as I did.

https://vocal.media/fiction/that-one-time-the-queen-of-cringe-created-a-new-world-order?fbclid=IwAR0IduQoPNEMoweecD9jW0Zs_HVNdcbt0sdw3V7x9oQAfmY1VoXXhyvg3g8