I Don’t Want To Be Popular (But I Do Want To Be Likeable).

In the second webisode of “Lip Service” I talk about why being “popular” is all about what other people want, and why being “likable” is all about what you want. If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now thinking about competition, social media, and your relationships, click the link in my bio to watch 👏 this 👏 video 👏. As the world is changing around us, it couldn’t be more important to find one word at a time to carve your path to what’s next.

Hi there, I’m makeup artist Andrew Sotomayor. In this empowerment series, I offer you a word of the day that guides me and that I hope will help you get wherever it is that you’re trying to go. To join me on this journey, be sure to subscribe down below.

I was talking to a really good friend of mine yesterday who’s an amazing celebrity makeup artist, and he confessed that he feels like there are so many makeup artists out there that can paint better than he can; but the reason he has gotten as much work as he has, and the reason so many actors and celebrities have requested him, is because he’s likable. So, now, if you’re somebody who was shy or a little more reclusive in high school growing up, this might sound like a horrible, horrible concept; but I want to clarify for you that, while the word of the day I want to focus on is ‘likability,’ this word is very much the opposite of ‘popularity.’

In the broadway musical “Wicked,” Glinda sings about popularity, but at the end of it all, that musical is about Elphaba, who is not popular but is actually very likable.

Popularity is about what’s trending; it’s about getting people to be like you are. Popularity’s about getting as many followers as you can and getting as many people as possible that are your supposed friends. Likability is about community; it’s about being part of a family; it’s about real friends. Popularity is about what other people want from you. Popularity is about what other people want you to be. Case in point, I just realized that "You to be" is also ‘Youtube’ spelled out slowly. So, that's awkward.

You have to like yourself to likable, and for many of us, that can be hard; because for women, for gays, for trans people, for people of color, people who are old, people with bigger bodies, people who dress a certain way for their religion, people with disabilities, people who don’t have a lot of money… it can be hard to like ourselves because we have been taught to hate ourselves. Scroll through the comments on social media. There will probably be hateful comments on this video because the truth is, hurt people hurt other people; and there’s nothing unlikable about having curvy thighs, or being bald, or being gay, to being a woman, or being Muslim, or being a person of color; and while some days, liking ourselves can be really, really hard, it’s also pretty simple.

Somebody who’s likable is kind; they listen to other people, they make jokes, they try new things, they encourage other people to try new things, they encourage other people to have more fun. People who are likable ask other people about their day. Do you realize that’s the easiest thing you can do to be more likable? Ask somebody else about their life. I loved working in department stores because I basically got to spend all day asking people, “How can I be helpful?” Come on, like, I was super, super likable, and I was just selling socks; I wasn’t even on commission yet!

Do you ever get the sense that certain people would do a good thing even if they didn’t get any attention for it at all whatsoever? It’s about acknowledging the ways that you already are good and kind and generous, and finding more ways to be even more of that. Start to see what your real values are and not what it is that the rest of the world has told you you’re supposed to be; and best of all, when you decide to be likable and you decide to like yourself, then it becomes a lot easier to like other people. When other people see the way that you treat yourself, they feel safe around you.

When you redefine what it means to be likable and you hold yourself to your own standards, you feel so much more at peace. You start to enjoy your day more; you start to like getting up in the morning; you start to like who it is that you see in the mirror. When you give yourself permission to like yourself, you give other people permission to do the same; and I like that. So, tell me, how are you likable? Let me know in the comments below.

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I’m Andrew Sotomayor and I’ll see you soon.

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https://youtu.be/vEp5HWwkUh0