I Can Be Needy

Say what you want about Ariana Grande, but her song "needy" really goes off, especially for a girl like me. She repeats often through the song, "I can be needy... tell me how good it feels to be needed," and I don't think there is a lyric I relate more to. This being said, I would like to apologize in advance to all my current friends (who have seen this side of me), my future friends, and (God bless this man) whatever guy I end up with, y'all are saints for putting up with me.

I think I am needy for love and attention, because I know how good it feels to receive it, and most of us could admit that that feeling is great. "Tell me how good it feels to be needed" is so accurate. We all crave someone who wants all of our attention, every part of who we are, and wants to spend every waking moment together. This is obviously more present with romantic relationships, and often referred to as "the honeymoon stage," but my parents have been married for 30 years this September (a round of applause for 30 heckin' years!) and I still see this spark in their relationship. I pray to God that the man I end up with can still love me after 30 years of my needy and emotional self.

And to my friends: y'all are heroes. You guys will hold me when I cry, laugh with me (and/or at me), and listen when I just need to get it all out. Freshman year of college can be hard, and I have sure had my ups and downs, but through it all I have had the sweetest of friends right behind me to have my back and support me. Y'all have taught me that it actually is okay to be needy sometimes, y'all validate my feelings, and call me out when I don't need to be so emotional. Having these friends has made me stronger, more accepting, and a better person. I couldn't have asked to find better friends than the ones I found this year, but I am still so excited to get to know even more amazing people over the next few years.

If you have followed my story, or know me, you would know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. You know, or are learning now, that I have dealt with suicidal thoughts, and that I am learning everyday how to better my mental health, my situations, and my life. If you have gone through this, or know people who have, I'm here to let you in on a secret: we (every human on earth) can be needy, and it is our responsibility as friends, family members, and strangers to approach the neediness with kindness and acceptance.

I know that a needy friend can be draining, because I have been there, before and after I went through all my stuff, and I know that it can be very hard to love someone so draining. However, if you don't know their story, I would encourage you to learn it. I'm sure, if they are so-called needy, they would be willing to share it with you. Who knows? Maybe you will learn something about them that points to why they crave your attention, and/or why they can be so emotional. Or who knows? Maybe you will learn something about yourself.

So my advice to you would be, whoever is reading this, take that friend or person with a grain of salt. Know that you never really know someone's story unless you invest in the relationship enough, and if you simply can not be there for that person, it is okay to set up healthy boundaries (but please make sure you are not leaving them high and dry with no one to lean on). Healthy boundaries can sometimes be the best thing for your mental health, and for those around you.

In my case, it took me a little while to open up to the friends I met here at college. The majority of my friends all know my story now (especially since I was actually brave enough to post it on the internet), and I have been able to tell them how best to be there for me. They are truly the best friends I have ever had, simply because I was able to force myself to tell them, "hey, this is how you can show me you love when I'm low," or "hey, this kind of hurt me, can we talk about this?" and it has made my friendships deeper, stronger, and longer-lasting.

It is hard to do these things sometimes, I get it, believe me, I do. As always, I am here to be an open person to speak with, and I don't know everything, but I have learned a lot throughout my life, and am always willing to share–even if you don't want to hear it, because, I'm sorry, but I'm needy! ;)

xoxo,

Sarah Cay