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How to Find the Motivation to Change Your Life When You Don’t Feel Capable or Worthy

“In the end you will see that love heals all things, and that love is there.” ~ Gary Zukav

By Aava SharmaPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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How to Find the Motivation to Change Your Life When You Don’t Feel Capable or Worthy
Photo by Nicole Geri on Unsplash

Following a self-improvement course is not easy. Oh, it's beneficial and can change lives, but it can also be confusing, challenging, and intimidating.

What if you are taking the wrong path? How do you know which is the best advice? Can you still get the results you are looking for, even if you are against the supposed wisdom?

One such wisdom is that people need to make changes in their lives and behavior, not others. That has always been the usual advice from friends, magazines, and TV "experts".

But what if you do not feel ready, worthy, or able to make a change? What if you are so confused and scared that you do not know where to start?

Previously I had a problem with self-love enough to take those first steps in finding a way out of my depression and anxiety.

Then I realized that sometimes the love we have for other people, especially our children, can inspire us to embark on a journey - even if we lack the love to do it for ourselves.

Like most people, I have been plagued by feelings of guilt, a lack of self-worth, and not enough.

Do you know that for most people, those years of adolescence full of insecurity and hardship come to an end in the twentieth century? To me, those feelings did not disappear. If there is, they are quick. Feeling insecure about myself has turned into something dark and entrenched.

I have spent twenty years walking between depression and her twisted sister, anxiety. By the time I was twenty-seven I was tired of it and was hospitalized for a while (“a little rest,” as my mother described it chemistically.)

Depression was part of my personality. In my mind, it was not a situation I saw; it was part of what I was basically: a broken man beyond repair.

I tried counseling but found it painful and not something I was prepared for. So I tried drama instead — great relationships with men who tried to love me better, and they became me.

I tried medicine and it helped; raised my emotions enough to be able to work.

But thoughts and feelings suddenly subside; they never went completely. Depression did not let go; it was sitting on the edge, threatening to come back.

I can hear you. When it hit my heels, it reminded me that everything was not right: I was not well.

And then, everything changed. Thirteen years ago I had my son. A handsome, smiling boy, who shook my world and created my direct vision in its axis.

That's something for kids - before you have them, even though people tell you about the ocean of love you're going to experience, you just don't get it. But when my son was in my arms, I found him. Really, I really got it.

I loved her in a way that broke a hole in my disgust and everything I had taken for granted.

I sat with him in my arms, holding little fingers, toes, nose, eyelashes — everything was perfect. The waves of fear and love that I was feeling took away my breath.

A terrifying set of questions puzzled me: What would I do if I could not do it? What if I could not protect this perfect little creature? What if I really hurt him? What if my shortcomings, failures, or shortcomings affect him?

I can do anything for him. He needed me to be the best I could be. I knew I had to get better; I didn't have the strength to do it for myself, so if I couldn't do it for myself, I would do it for him.

That’s what gave me the push, the kick, the kicking up in the back that I needed.

I had no answers on how to do it, but I certainly had many questions:

Why do some people seem to be able to walk in health while others fight hard?

How is it that some people see the good in them but others do not see their strength at all?

What makes people happy, and how often do we increase our joy?

Answering those questions took a short time - thirteen years and counting. As I took my first steps on the journey to get those answers, many things opened up to me.

I received medical treatment, I went back to study, I studied with amazing teachers, I became an NLP Master Practitioner, I graduated with a Masters degree in training, not to mention reading every self-improvement book I could get. I absorbed good research in psychology, took up yoga, learned to use imagination, and made my mind and brain my priority.

It may have started as a way to filter my head to become a better mother, but it blossomed into something deeper. The strange effect of the journey is enormous. I teach, write, and share what I have learned and will continue to do so so that others can find it.

I know I have moved from a place of great darkness to greatness with light. The depression in my heels is gone; although I will always be on the lookout for its return, I am sure I have the tools to deal with it if possible.

Most of all, thank you more than words to my son and younger sister for showing me what love really is, for showing me that I can give such love and that I deserve it. They opened the door for me to begin to truly love myself.

What started out as something I did for someone else, turned out to be the most loving thing I have ever done, both of us.

It doesn't matter who you start with in this journey. If you do it with the desire to learn, grow and be treated, and feel happy, you will get there.

You may feel guilty about taking your time or investing in things that will help you get there.

When you feel better, do yourself a favor, and no longer spend hours each day fighting your demons, you free up a lot of time, energy and love to give back to those around you

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About the Creator

Aava Sharma

I am a student currently studying at grade 12.

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