Here's Your Horoscope, You Gemini Bastard.

So You're A Gemini

So you’re a Gemini. Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault. But then again, are you really sorry? I can never tell with you.

Anyways, everyone deserves a horoscope, and today’s your lucky day. You’re going to get a couple.

That’s right, you two-faced Gemini bastard. One horoscope for each of your sides.

Dating

Face #1:

You’re starting to consider settling down, but you don’t know it yet. This is manifesting in little actions you’ve been doing differently. Things like your morning routine, or your routine before bed. Although you’re used to waking up and going to bed alone (or at least feeling like it), subconsciously changing your routines may indicate that you’re preparing to invite larger change into your mode of lifestyle.

Don’t be afraid of settling down. You may be impulsive by nature, but authentic change happens without you noticing!

Mantra: “I am many-hued, like a rainbow.”

Face #2:

You’re drifting away from someone you thought you were getting close to. This isn’t their fault, nor is it yours. However, you may feel a temptation to be crueler than you need to be. Try to fight this.

You’ll be the one starting the conversation. Don’t be afraid. And remind yourself: I’m a Gemini, but that doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk.

Mantra: “I am many-hued, like a box of melted crayons.”

Work

Face #1:

Your ability to stay high-energy even during the busy part of the year may be making your boss happy, but it is not winning you friends among your colleagues. You need to tone it down in certain ways. Remember that not everyone has the same extroversion as you.

Think about little things like the volume of your voice, the times you choose to chit-chat, what you eat at lunch break. Try to find a way to excel without making your coworkers look bad.

Mantra: “My ambition is a finely-tempered sword.”

Face #2:

You’re at risk of losing ground with your boss, even though your co-workers love you. Your classic Gemini passion for ditching convention has made a lot of the newer people at work admire you. But your boss is more conservative, so tread lightly.

The way that you take advantage of your coworkers’ efforts while still making them feel included has been working well. As long as no one gets hurt, keep at it. Just be careful about your boss.

Mantra: “My ambition is a double-edged sword.”

Adventure

Face #1:

Being impulsive has led to some of the most valuable experiences of your life, but you may want to be careful this month. Someone in your family could be looking to you for stability and strength.

Just take it easy for the next few weeks and remember: summer is just around the corner. You can go wild then!

Mantra: “It’s okay to be patient.”

Face #2:

You’ve been cooped up too long, and as a Gemini, this has led to an unhealthy denial of your essential instinct to hunt down new experiences.

It’s time to break loose! Why wait for summer? Don’t plan. Just get on that open road and see what happens.

Mantra: “It’s okay to be impatient.”

Happiness

Face #1:

You have a tricky day ahead. Just be careful and try to think about ways that things could go wrong. Tie your shoelaces in double knots. Make sure your car has a full tank of gas and your laptop is fully charged. I’d also look at your CO2 and CO1 readers in your house, just to be on the safe side. It’s a hard world for the two-faced. Someone is going to come at you from one side or another. Someone may write a snarky horoscope about you. I’m sure this person has no ulterior motivation. Probably just been burned in the past.

But remember: no matter what the world throws at you today, you’re a Gemini: just turn the other cheek. Or the other other cheek.

Mantra: “I am stronger than this day.”

Face #2:

You have an amazing day ahead. One of your endeavors is going to succeed in a way you never expected. You may not even remember initiating this project.

You will witness someone’s bad attitude lift like shore clouds. They will open up their heart to you in a way they never expected. It’s up to you what to do with that.

Mantra: “Everything is up to me.”