happy flu year

We are well over ¾ of the way through an undeniably confounding year. 2020, the year we announced on Instagram it was to be our year.

The new decade bragged promises for change and achievement. It was to be the year we’d boast beach bodies, join a kick boxing class, kick those bad habits and kick start new careers. A new year, a new us, (for real this time, we tend to recycle the phrase every January 1st). The year we finally visited Mexico, Japan, an old friend. The year we moved out, moved up or moved on. The year we put our happiness first, found our first love or married our second.

The year, the year, the year.

It was as though the cosmic universe became so overwhelmed by all these ambitions, it imploded through means of a virus named after the beer we all clinked at midnight on New Year’s Eve ten months ago (ten months ago?!).

For most, the pandemic has ruined our resolutions, prevented our pledges and thwarted the 2020 vows we wrote down in our iPhone notes whilst nursing a new year’s hangover. (1. Never drink again.) Holidays have been hindered; weddings wavered; resolutions reset. If somebody said to us last year that a pandemic was going to stunt and shake up everything we had ever known and taken for granted, everything we envisioned for the year ahead, we would have looked at them in the same wide-eyed, open mouthed disbelief we did when Boris made his befuddling announcement six months ago. (SIX MONTHS AGO!?)

‘Go outside, but don’t go outside. Do go to work, but only if you have to go to work, don’t take the bus, unless it's absolutely necessary. Stay inside, but please go outside and exercise. But don’t sunbathe that’s not exercise, but do stop and sit down for lunch, but don’t do that unless you are absolutely hungry.’

So, did the pandemic infect all of our goals? The ones involving healthier habits, rigorous exercise routines, simply doing good things for ourselves? Or did it do the opposite and plummet us full steam into twenty a-day and cheap Merlot?

Admittedly, the first couple of months had me relying on the latter to take the edge off the fearful unknown and the lockdown loneliness. Zoom quizzes on a Friday meant I was guzzling more red wine than I would post-5pm-work drinks, I hadn’t consumed junk food like that since the college days and I’d taken up rolling rubbish menthol rollies again. I’d not done this for an admirably long time (although, admittedly prone to the social cigarettes so kindly donated by strangers in the smog of a smoking area.)

Despite all of this I did take up running again. I always enjoyed cross country at school (it made me feel the opposite of cross.) The limited time we were allowed to go outside during lockdown meant that many of us were taking up exercise more than ever. Some, seven days a week - half an hour a day. There certainly wasn’t a minute out of the rationed freedom I wasn’t going to not make use of.

At a time where many felt isolated, half an hour was a chance to be among the lonely, the curious and the confused. It offered a brief spell of union at a time of uncertainty and solitude. Smiles exchanged with runners by meant I didn’t feel alone and the solidarity between sprinters brought spirit when the the world had been shut down.

And digitally too, we recognised that exercise was vital during the weeks where our serotonin was zapped by news of Covid chaos and ever-increasing lockdown length. People began to make use of their living rooms for P.E sessions with Joe, Insta live was showcasing interactive, at home work outs and friends began to understand my girl crush on Yoga with Adriene. Endorphins were gold dust and our quick win was exercise.

Within a few weeks, running became routine and still continues to be a ritual for me. Times previously, I have suffered from tomorrow syndrome, ‘if-i-dont-go-today-then- I’ll-definitely-go-tomorrow.’ But as the fantastically frank marketing team at Adidas would say ‘yesterday you said tomorrow – just do it.’ Now, without giving much of a second thought, I’ll spring from my ruffled sheets into my running shoes, and stride along the Harbourside chasing the sunrise most mornings.

I’ve attempted this before, to keep up with running and other fitness regimes, and have frequently fallen behind in my race to the top. So why is running now instilled in my weekly activities?

Reading up on the science behind habits has given me a better understanding.

Our mind muscle forms habits in order to free up other thought processes to work on other things that it deems a priority. It’s one of many clever tricks that our brains have evolved to make us more efficient.

We also form habits because of our brains reward system. Our brains don’t care about whether they are good or bad, i.e. we don’t usually spend the length of time it takes to smoke a cigarette thinking about the detrimental effects of smoking, instead there’s instant gratification in the here and now (stress relief, social association etc.)

We eat, we clean our teeth, we wash, we socialise. Why does all of this come more naturally to us than say exercise or giving up smoking? I think it’s because we have done them long enough for them to become an instilled ritual that we recognise brings us positivity and benefits. A full stomach, clean teeth and minty fresh breath, love and belonging.

Running took my mind off the pandemic. It freed up the thought processes that were busy with worry and loss of control. I began to associate running with freedom rather than ‘what if it rains,’ ‘what if I see my ex,’ ‘what if I fall over’ ‘I can’t be bothered to get out of breath when I can have an extra half hour in bed.’

Because of the limitations and rules announced in March, my running became linked with reward and I kept it up long enough to establish the habit in my brain. I naturally came to notice the benefits on said brain (and body.)

With Winter looming, I have assured myself that if I don’t feel like running, I’ll think back to the time that we were only allowed out for half an hour a day. So, in three months’ time (THREE MONTHS!?!) when your mind gets busy penalising itself over ‘why did I’s and ‘why didn’t I’s, when you’re noting a list of 2021 goals, remember the following:

Start small and start slow. Allow your brain to identify with the benefits rather than the negatives. i.e. if you go straight in with a speedy 5K run, panting at passers-by, blisters on your feet, achy calves and lower halves, shin splints and sprint winces, the brain is going to link running with those things.

It should be easy at first, it should be enjoyable. It is then you can build up more resilience. It’s the same with say, weights – you wouldn’t go straight in at 10kg, you’d start small and work your way up. If you’re changing a habit that no longer serves you, the same applies. Smoking for example, don’t get rid of all your tobacco and go colder than boxing days turkey, be realistic with your goals.

Otherwise, your mind will associate giving up with cravings and stress. And what will you want to do when you’re stressed? Smoke! Teach your mind that it can survive on five a day, four a day, three a day to none a day. The mind much of the time wants what it can’t have until it is rewired gradually to survive without it.

I'm not a life coach, a doctor, a specialist. I am a human, with poor habits. I like a glass of red or three and I devoured a whole packet of chocolate digestives in two sittings the other day. But, one thing at a time.

I think Covid has taught us that nothing is certain except change. It is satisfying knowing that we can give things a go whenever we are ready to, not just on January 1st. But it’s important to avoid giving ourselves a hard time because we may not have achieved everything we wanted to this year.

One thing we can and have done though, is learned. It has taught us to be grateful, it has shown us resilience, to respect people’s opinions and public space (one of my favourites, can we continue to keep at least a metre distance? Shopping in Asda is so much more liberating when people don’t reach over you for a box of PG tips while you are deciding between the twenty brands of forty infusions.)

And I know I’m not the only one coming to these conclusions. Every morning my runners radar seems busier than it used to be when I attempted to instill the running routine a couple of years ago. If Covid could just run along too now please, thank you.