For When Everything Falls Apart
For Just a Little While
Have you ever felt like you had your whole life together? Hook, line, and sinker, 'I'm gonna be a neuroscientist, and marry Ryan Gosling and tame his wild soul, and vacation in those huts on the water that have been in every vacation movie in the last decade. You put yourself into the med school, move to L.A. to find your man, and save street change and waitressing tips to go to Bora Bora.'
Then one day you fail a test and have to retake a course and it changes your whole master timeline. You find out Ryan is happily married and you eat two pints of Ben & Jerry's using cheddar sour cream baked Ruffles as spoons. Your roommate steals your piggy bank to go see a George Lopez stand-up show. And now you're back to square one.
Don't you just want to crawl under the blankets and stop being a part of the world? Say screw society, become a loner, and build a dope bunker out of dirt and old magazines in the desert somewhere to get in touch with the earth. Because people suck. Because life sucks. Because you suck.
If you read my first post (and I hope you do because everything I push out on this platform will probably go together in some way), I hope you realize this is the little voice inside of you just trying to bring you down. Think Netflix’s iconic Big Mouth and it’s blunt hormone monsters but your fears, anxieties, and shames. This inner monster wants to pull you down into a pit of personal darkness in the same way a regular bully, hateful boss, unhealthy relationship, etc. would do. And you have the ability to say I'm not going to give this voice power over me.
I have crazy dreams that I know probably won't happen. I'm not going to wake up on my next milestone birthday and contract Sabrina the teenage witch style magical powers. I'm not going to stumble upon a box full of pure-bred Yorkshire terriers at my local 7-11 and live in puppy-filled bliss for the rest of my days. But I can read about Wicca and watch CBS's revival of Charmed to entertain myself. I can work hard and save up so maybe one day I can get more dogs and be able to support them comfortably. And I can't do these things if I let the little hateful voice keep me in bed all day with the lights off.
What I hope you get from this, whether you're in the best time of your life and have no complaints or if you feel like locking yourself in your closet and building a cocoon out of your winter coats, that life is a roller coaster and if you close your eyes too long you'll miss the beautiful views at the top. So, whether you're down or up right now, open your eyes to the good things going on around you—because no one really has their life together. Take solace in the fact that someone else in this big wide world has felt the same as you do right now, and that you are not alone.
A little call to action for your day, try as hard as you can to point out the good things that happened to, or around, you today. The other day, the WiFi for my whole town was down. Now I work from home, so this day and this situation meant driving to multiple stores and restaurants begging for passwords and good signal just to end up parked in a loud McDonalds during lunch rush trying to hear my team over people ordering new specialty chicken strips. But on the plus side—I drove around with the windows down in this perfect crisp fall weather. I saw one of the cutest babies I think I’ll come in contact with until I have my own. I got out of the house which is accomplishment enough! Find ways to pat yourself on the back, or just feel grateful that you got to experience this day. Everything may seem like it’s falling apart right now, but I promise you can grab hold and pull yourself back together again.