Flat Earth Reality

Look at Ken. He’s just sitting there at the bus stop like a chump. Dressed in his navy blue uniform with his tell-tale neon yellow jacket. He looks like he’s done with life. How many streets does he walk in a day? Look at those calves. Yeah. This job has definitely gotten the chub out of Ken. How many tickets does he give out, I wonder. Do angry soccer moms chase him down with their pack of spoiled brats and chihuahuas to demand he not issue them a parking ticket? Poor Ken. He’s just trying to make a living. Trying to get on with life like any of the rest of us.

Now that he’s got a good paying job with a union and benefits, not to mention a pay increase of two whole dollars coming in next paycheque, it’s high time, according to his mother, that he settle down with a nice girl. Nothing like that ‘Australian’ he met at the brewery with his friends last week. The one Dan’s girlfriend brought.

“There’s no such thing as Australia,” Dan said, earning him an odd look from Misty, his on-again off-again girlfriend.

“I think I’d know, because I’m from there.” Jenny, the Australian insisted, then got up to use the bathroom. Escape is more like it.

“Couldn’t you have found him a more normal girl?” Dan criticized Misty as he pours himself another lager. “Not a Round-Earther,” he groans.

“Sorry! She looked normal, and she’s fun.” Misty tried to defend herself. “Maybe it doesn't have to be that big of a deal.”

“Not that big of a deal? You know that Australians are just a creation of the Round Earther Society.” Dan elaborated. “Why would the British send their criminals that far away when there’s good ol' America?”

“Maybe it’s because they lost America.” Ken finally piped up. “You know, to the Americans?”

“Hmmpf,” Dan nodded ironically, “They’d still have Canada. Send the criminals there. Australia. I just don’t buy it. Either way, it’s far more economical to hang or behead the criminals. Why send them on a boat! That just costs money.”

“To colonize. Anyways, that was a long time ago.” Misty argued and raised her eyebrows to indicate Jenny was on her way back to the table.

Jenny didn’t bolt after all.

Anyways, now the bus has arrived and Ken gets up to board it, standing in the queue like a good citizen, unlike those bastards who think they can get away without paying for parking. Ken shows his monthly transit pass and heads on towards the back of the bus. Ken prefers the back. There’s more seating, and less likely of a chance that a weirdo will sit right beside you. That happened once when Ken sat in the seats at the middle of the bus. And you don’t want to sit at the front of the bus, because if a lady with a stroller or a someone in a wheelchair, or even the elderly come aboard, you’d have to move for them to take their seat at the front. It’s less hassle at the back for Ken.

He looks exhausted. But it’s still a 20 minute bus ride to the train station and then another 20 minute ride to his city, and then a 20 minute walk to his basement suite. Transit. It's better for the environment. He’s so exhausted he doesn't even take out his cell phone like everyone else aboard the bus. He just sits there like a psychopath. Staring out the window, but probably not at anything in particular. He’s lost in space. All of a sudden he snaps out of it as all the passengers stand and walk off. Time flies when you’re lost in thought. Ken waits until there’s space to move. He doesn’t like the whole hustle and bustle of people bumping into you and shuffling so close you can feel their breath on your neck. That happened the first time he took this bus. Instead, Ken waits until he’s the last person in the back of the bus before he stands. But as he takes his time, he notices some kind of computer under one of the benches. He reaches to pick it up finding it to be the newly released BlackBook.

Wow. Who could have left this here? He looks around to ask if any of the passengers have dropped their computer, but he’s the last one on the bus. Everyone else has hurried on to their connection. He supposed he’d give it to the bus driver to put in the lost and found, but the bus driver has also stepped off. Probably a bathroom break, or shift change. Ken realizes he is in a hurry. He’s got games with the boys later, and first he’d like to order pizza and clear up the living room area. There might be laundry on the floor, and he can’t have that laying around in case Dan brings his girlfriend over.

Ken decides he’ll return it to the transit lost and found tomorrow. He doesn't even know where the lost and found is. So he stuffs the BlackBook into his workbag and hurries to the train.

Back in the days before BlackBook, people used to write in books made of paper all bound together in a spine and a leather cover. Or linen, or more paper. Moleskine, however, decided to make a switch to technology and created their BlackBook, which you can open up and write with a special tech pen, or use the typing feature that lets a little keyboard pop up. What’s special about BlackBook, is that it is strictly for reading/writing. No internet, no notifications, no distractions. Just writing. Some big name authors have applauded the BlackBook for this approach. Its small enough to fit in your pocket, and light enough that it would not encumber you like other tech devices for writing. You can sync it to your computer or phone to upload your stories or send out your grocery list. The BlackBook is sleek, versatile, and highly back-ordered. You could even download a book onto it, or a whole library for that matter, which makes it a competitor to eBooks like the BoKo or Kindler.

By the time Ken arrived home and finished tidying up the living room, ordering the pizza and showered, he found Dan flipping through the virtual pages of the BlackBook.

“You have a BlackBook! Cool!” Dan gushed. “You can sell these online for three times the price right now! How did you get one?”

“I found it on the bus. I’m turning it into the lost and found tomorrow.” Ken informed him. “First thing. Give it here.”

“Its not even password protected. And it’s got all the specs!” Dan ignored him.

“I wouldn't be surprised if the owner paid $20,000 for this.” Dan said as he looked up into the distance. “Remember back in the day when $20,000 was worth a lot?”

“Now, not even a million dollars is enough.” Ken replied, thinking about his remaining balance on his college student loan. He cringed.

“Woah…whoever this belonged to was a genius!” Dan gushed. “We could sell the ideas here and make billions!”

Ken wrested the BlackBook out of Dan’s hands. “We’re not selling it. We’re giving it back.”

“Yet here you are, with it in your bag.” Dan stood with arms folded. “Aren’t you even curious about what’s in it?”

“I’m sure whatever is written is private-

“Not private enough for a password.” Dan smirked. “K, you know how the earth is flat?”

“Yes,” Ken indulged his roommate for a moment.

“Well, look at this BlackBook.” Dan reached out and held up the closed device on his hand. “Imagine this is the earth, and we live on this side,” Dan indicated to the side facing up. “Well, now, what the guy who wrote in this is saying, is that, What if? Now we’ve got to think a little openly here- What if there are people living on the other side?” Dan said with a flourish as he flipped the BlackBook over and revealed its underside.

“Umm… I don’t know, wouldn’t they all fall off?” Ken thought.

“No!” Dan rolled his eyes. “Did we not take Physics 101 together? GRA-VI-TY!”

Ken still looked a little confused. Gravity. He supposed that could make sense.

“This BlackBook has instructions on how to reach the other side.” Dan said with eyes brighter than the lighting of the room.

“You mean you want to go there?” Ken clarified. He supposed he did have some vacation days coming up.

“Yes! If we found it, we’d be explorers! We’d be rich! Countries around the world would pay us to explore, to conquer.” Dan said enthusiastically. “There might be treasures and resources and technology there. We’d be rich!”

“Remember that class trip we took, to see the edge of the world?” Ken asked whilst looking deep in thought.

“Yeah, what’s your point.” Dan answered

“I suppose we could bungee jump off and swing around to the other side,” Ken suggested.

“That’s ridiculous.” Dan gave him a look. “Let’s just follow these directions. There are a few theories. One, is we dive down to the Mariana Trench and just keep going. Soon enough, we’ll reach the other side.”

“I can’t. I’m scared of water.” Ken felt a mini panic attack coming on at the very thought. Even baths were scary.

“Okay, okay fine. Here’s another theory. We could go down to the train tunnels and beneath those tunnels are more tunnels, and we could find the lowest spot and dig a hole.” Dan said as he flipped through the notes in the BlackBook.

“And then we’ll eventually reach the other side?” Ken felt like he was finally understanding what Dan was saying. “Hah, remember when people thought they could dig to China?”

“Yes, another piece of Round Earther propaganda,” Dan agreed.

“Okay! Let’s do it!” Ken agreed and Dan jumped up and down in excitement.

Instead of playing video games as planned, the guys grabbed a garden spade, the landlord’s shovel and some flashlights, forgetting all about the pizza Ken ordered that was only about five minutes away now. They ran all the way to the train station and covertly wove their way to the abandoned tunnels below and started digging. They were going to be rich. They would be famous! Ken would never have to hand out another parking ticket again! With these thoughts in mind, the pair dug and dug, even returning on the weekend. Ken was able to use his vacation days and they dug and dug until…. until Ken’s vacation days were all used up. Then he stopped showing up to work.

“Ken, this is your Supervisor calling,” a voicemail chimed. “If you don’t return to work tomorrow, we’re going to have to let you go. Someone has to ticket those parking freeloaders, you know."

But Ken never heard the message because they continued digging day and night.

They finally reached the other side.

Once they broke the surface and sunlight poured in, they dropped the shovels and moved the earth with this hands. Their palms bloody and calloused from their labours. They stepped out of the hole and breathed in the fresh air, falling to the ground in exhaustion. It was done. They did it. They were going to be rich.

The End