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Do You Want To Never Feel Lonely Again?

by Mona Lazar 2 months ago in advice
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I didn’t think it could be done until I did it in 3 steps and so can you

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash.

I recently came across some papers from about 20 years ago.

I read them and they broke my heart.

Pages steeped in despair, scattered with the words ‘lonely’ and ‘loneliness’ every other sentence. It used to be the soundtrack of my life.

I read them, I cried and I burned them just like I burned my old self.

Phoenix style.

The weird part is I didn’t even remember that side of myself. It was such a long time ago and I am the exact opposite now.

Today I rarely experience loneliness. Although I live alone, I don’t have a life partner, my family lives in another city, I don’t visit them very often, I work from home and I have only a few friends that I meet from time to time.

I have 2 cats but they usually don’t talk.

It’s just me, myself, and I. We make a wonderful team.

When COVID started I spent 2 months in isolation. Complete self-imposed isolation.

It was very new and I got scared. I didn’t know what to expect. I was one of those scaredy-cats who stayed indoors. Literally indoors for 2 months. I was living on the second floor and didn’t even go downstairs or out for groceries. I had them delivered. No contact, no smiles, no humans.

And I was good.

Now I maybe feel lonely 2 or 3 times a year. It’s so sparse that I even forgot the feeling existed.

Only when I read those pages did I re-connect to the gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness. That deep void of connection. A bring-you-to-your-knees pain that had me in tears instantly.

Tears that prompted this article. I never want myself or anyone else to ever feel that way again.

So I wondered: how did I get from someone who used to feel lonely every day to the exact opposite?

What am I doing right? And can it work for you too?

Here’s what I came up with:

1. I have a very active creative life.

I’m always reading, researching, writing, painting.

Just lying around doing nothing will make you feel miserable and increase any dormant feelings of loneliness. But lying around scrolling, researching, getting inspired by colors, articles and the sheer genius of the human brain is a whole different thing.

Can you apply this? Yes!

Even if you are not a creative, research, reading, and analysis don’t pertain exclusively to creatives. They belong to the ones passionate about their job, the ones who like to expand their horizons, the ones who have (or want) a cool hobby.

And by cool, I mean any hobby that gets you to feel that tingle in your belly.

How about knitting? Or train-spotting? Leaf collecting!

Anything goes as long as it gets you going.

2. I always feel and express my emotions.

Not destructively or aggressively towards others or myself.

But I am honest. And I am assertive.

It works wonders in having a good relationship with myself and attracting the right people into my life.

I give myself space to cry and feel bad. And that gives way to another, way bigger space for dancing around in my bedroom at 3 AM and bursting into happy laughter.

Nobody feels lonely when they’re happy.

Can you do it? Of course! All you have to do is not be all sunshine and roses all the time. Take off your pink glasses and be true to yourself.

Get angry! Laugh at your own mistakes. Allow yourself to break down and glue the pieces back together.

Hop on the rollercoaster of everything you are. Have you ever seen someone lonely on a roller-coaster? Me neither.

3. I meditate every day

There is nothing that ever made me feel better than meditation. And I heard this from other avid meditators as well.

On the spot and in the long run, meditation makes you feel fantastic. It can be both a sprint and a marathon.

It connects you to something higher than yourself. What is that?

Your higher self, duh!

When you meet him/ her/ it, you’ll be very happy to find out that they are amazing. They are never sad, never out of place, and especially never ever lonely.

Can you do it? Let’s see, can you breathe? Then yes, you can also meditate.

If you’re one of those people who doesn’t breathe I’m sorry to say that meditation will be impossible for you. So will life, but that’s another story.

Conclusion:

Loneliness belongs to the distant past. So distant that I didn’t even remember it happened. Like a long-lost memory from a different life. Of a different person.

The cure for loneliness lies in connecting with yourself. I’m never lonely because I’m never alone. No matter what happens, I’m always there for myself.

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About the author

Mona Lazar

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