Darling, Take a Little Power Back

I have this friend... She is intelligent, educated, classy, kind, and talented. In addition to these qualities, she is thin, blond, blue-eyed, possess a soft voice everyone loves to hear, AND has a great ass.

However, despite these many God-given blessings, I recently learned she struggles with an (at times) crippling negative self image. So much so that she cannot accept a compliment without flinching away.

This is the problem.

Our society has launched one of the most comprehensive, efficient and despicable campaigns in order to teach even the women (and all other beautiful humanoids out there in this wide colorful galaxy) who supposedly have all the physiological golden tickets in hand to hate themselves.

There will be no mercy; there never has been.

There are people and corporations making billions of dollars because of my friend's insecurities, as well as yours and mine.

We know this. It's no secret now. It's 2019 and we have been made aware of the plot which is ruining our mind-body relationships for profit.

And some of us ARE learning to heal. Little by little, we are learning how to individualize self-love and self-acceptance in order to live a life beyond the scale, the fear of missing a workout and the new shiny beauty gadgets, procedures and serums. We are seeking out our own personal sweet spot. The difference is between care actions we do for ourselves because they feel good for us and the ideas we weed out as pressure-based ideals.

Everyone wants to sell you something, and that something is always the same thing. Whatever form it may take, however effective its proven to be, it's just the same message over and over and over 'til our ears bleed.

"You are not good enough. Buy this, do that, use this, and you will be better."

And then there's a second layer to this bullshit I've been noticing recently. The "oh people got smart so now we're gonna sell to you based on your need for self-love" nonsense. I am so sick of products, workout programs, diet plans, clothes and jewelry all being touted to me as "self-care." Don't get me wrong, I love a good bath bomb, and sparkly jewels always get me. However, I can't help but feel we're still being pointed in the wrong direction.

I shouldn't "need" anything to be able to love myself.

Self love is a choice, an incredibly personal choice. One which only I have the power to enact.

And because most things out here in the media come with the fine print of "in-app purchase" or "only a trillion dollars for this new amazing prescription," below are a few FREE self love tips, from me to you, with love, Xs and Os.

1. Chat with your reflection.

Self love happens when you stand in front of the mirror and speak loving words to your PERFECT reflection... out loud, with conviction, over and over and over 'til your ears heal from all those mean messages flooding in from the outside.

2. Do the good anyway.

When your day has gone to shit and that mean girl in your head (mine is named Kelsey) won't shut the fuck up, no matter how consistent you've been with Tip No. 1... Do the good things anyway. Hydrate, move your body, eat lovely foods, take a nap, breathe deeply, pet your furry friends, call your human friends, cry, and begin again. Your body will never believe it is safe with you until you assure it with actions that show love daily.

3. Check in with your purpose.

You are not on this earth to embody someone else's vision of perfect, sexy, or successful. You are the deciding factor on what victory means in your life. After a little soul searching, you may discovery "success" to you is not what it was to your parents, siblings, friends, or classmates. You may realize what brings you fulfillment and a sense of purpose is what you dreamed of when you were ten years old. Or something totally new and challenging might come up and you find that you love to dance salsa, build computers or make the best damn cup of tea in world. We are not gingerbread cookies; our edges, curves, minds and souls are not the same as one another. We are meant to be diverse, rich and exotically different from one another. I have decided I am here to love people well, love myself well, seek experiences that bring me joy, chase down the delight of a child in my play, eat good food, and listen to my body better, sharing my thoughts through written words. Explore what brings YOU a sense of achievement and peace and let go of expectations.

4. No one cares.

A little reality check: no one is judging you as harshly as you and your Kelsey. Remind yourself of this: The people who love and know you are probably super proud of you and think you're pretty cool, otherwise why the hell would they stick around? And anyone who stands outside your inner sphere of loved ones probably thinks your hair is a pretty color, your purse is cute, or they don't even notice you because they have their own damn insecurities and a whole life outside of you! You are the center of the universe for exactly one person: you.

No. 4 may sound insensitive, but to be honest, I have found it comforting on the days when my anxiety about going out and being seen or judged is running high. I try to say to myself, "I am loved by those who matter to me. I am unique, I am significant, I am beautiful. And no one is watching to see me fall." I mean other than Kelsey, but she can go kick rocks.

Love you, friends. You're doing so well! You can do this.