Confidence Building A Little Beak At-A-Time

Chickens can teach us a lot about building strong bonds within large groups. People that raise chickens say that chickens have an amazing ability to thrive in settings surrounded by large flocks.

Anton was a young man who began his career working for a major financial market organization with a burning desire to become an outstanding public speaker in front of large groups as he traveled across the United States delivering economic/market presentations. Despite having all the right credentials, including a Ph.D. in Economics, Anton fully understood that his path to success with large crowds would be a challenging journey.

To increase his odds of success, Anton used a little black book and divided each page into two sections: things that worked (during his presentations) and the things that didn’t work. As he meticulously wrote down the things that worked along with those things that didn’t, Anton gradually developed increased confidence in front of audiences. During his journey, he learned that telling a few jokes during a presentation often paid large dividends with many audiences. But he also found that if he told too many jokes – the crowd would soon lose interest in his talk and begin to question whether his remarks merited their attention.

Along these lines, ambushing his audience with too many facts and figures left crowds exhausted and dissatisfied while falling short on this front would also generate a negative verdict. Using these valuable experiences, Anton made sure that he was always prepared to quickly respond to questions from the audience with short soundbites to keep his audiences at the edge of their seats with excitement. And while Anton was greatly encouraged by the fact his client reviews of his performance continued to improve, victory remained elusive because his speaker ratings remained well below those of other speakers in the company.

Just like chickens who often peruse their surroundings for exciting meal opportunities, Anton enthusiastically swept the room before focusing on a particular gentleman named Harvey, who was full of endless energy despite identifying himself as semi-retired. Harvey, first words were “Are you doing, what I think you are doing, namely jotting down what worked and what didn’t work tonight?” “Why yes,” a surprised Anton said, “how did you know?” “That is an old trick I have used for centuries,” Harvey joked. He went on to say, “I couldn’t help noticing that you were trying awfully hard to win over your audience.” Harvey then suggested that Anton should also consider soliciting some feedback from the people that came up to meet with him after he spoke at each event to directly improve his performance.

At this point, Anton’s face lit up and said, “Wow, I had never thought of doing that, but can you be the first to offer me some feedback?” Harvey proudly said, “I noticed that during the early part of your presentation, you appeared quite relaxed but suddenly appeared stressed as you delivered the latter part of your remarks. The audience wants to be enlightened but they want to do so in a relaxed and non-stressful manner. Young man, when a speaker looks stressed it spills over into the audience and they will stop focusing on what you are saying and begin to wonder why you are so stressed?”

Anton was very appreciative of all the productive feedback that Harvey offered and explained that he was a bit wound up (during the second half) because he wanted to make sure he covered all the remaining topics he set out to address. “That is precisely your problem,” said Harvey, “people want to receive your pearls of wisdom in a non-stressful manner. They will never complain when you give them a half a loaf of bread as long as you give them the best half.”

The two men exchanged phone numbers and began to compare notes on successful public speaking techniques every couple of months. And as their friendship blossomed over the next 20 years, the calls soon morphed into weekly calls where they talked about many other topics. In fact, the bond between these two men grew stronger with every passing year despite their 35-year age gap prompting them to also meet in person at least once a year.

One of the most important things that Harvey stressed over the years is that audiences crave empathy. With a strong level of conviction, Harry interjected, “Let your audience feel you care about them, and are truly appreciative of their engagement with you, and they will adore you forever.” It was a lesson that resonated with Anton throughout his 25-year Public Speaking career especially as he witnessed his Speaker ratings eventually rise to levels exceeding that of the other speakers in the company thanks to lots of direct and indirect coaching.

As a tribute to their friendship, Anton took some time off to fly across the country to attend Harvey’s 90th birthday celebration. And while Harvey was never fazed by his age, it was still impossible to ignore the effects of time. At first, Harvey began to encounter challenges walking, and then began to suffer from multiple bouts of pneumonia. But Harvey was a fighter that always bounced back and never missed his weekly phone conversations with Anton.

Yet, on a very cold and cloudy Sunday afternoon, Anton received a call from Harriet (Harvey’s wife) to let him know that his health had taken a turn for the worst that required him to stay in the hospital for a couple of days to undergo some tests. Just like Harvey, Anton refused to prepare for the worst because he always recovered so many times before. But this time was different, Harvey even told Anton (in one of their conversations) that he had a dream with his Mother who gave him a tour of his entire life’s timeline. At this point, Anton felt a bit nervous and slowly began to entertain the possibility that this time might be different! Maybe, Harvey wouldn’t bounce back so quickly. To hedge against a bad outcome, Anton told Harvey how much he loved him and had benefitted from their close friendship.

And three days later, Harriet called to inform Anton that Harvey had peacefully died in his sleep. It was a painful but joyous realization that Harvey’s health battles had ended. Anton rushed to modify his speaking engagement schedule so he could attend his funeral. It was a beautiful service as they always are when love fills the room. Many including Anton got up to describe how Harvey had touched their lives.

The last person to speak was Harriet who was soft-spoken she described his numerous acts of kindness throughout his life. Then she took out a little black book and said that Harvey had jotted down all the benefits and drawbacks of friendship during his life and had personally asked her to share those thoughts at his service. Her first words from Harvey’s little black book stated that “Loyalty is the most important byproduct of friendship.” She went on to read that “Loyalty is not something you plan for, or can request – but rather something that is generated over time from beautiful friendships.” She also reminded the audience that Harvey believed that learning from the mistakes that our friends make is also a fringe benefit of close friendships because no one lives long enough to make and learn from enough mistakes to become truly successful.

When it came time to list all the drawbacks of friendship, Harriet smiled and said --- “Harvey left the right-hand side of the page completely blank because as hard as he tried – he was unable to find any disadvantages from his friendship with Anton. Instead, he wrote that in response to their close friendship, Harvey directed his estate to present Anton with a $20,000 check to celebrate their life-long friendship.”

There was not a dry eye in the room as everyone listened to Harriet’s touching story. Something tells me that while everyone was sobbing, Harvey, (who no doubt will always remind me of a “Wise Rooster,” who focused on anything that interested him like a laser beam) was smiling like he had so often did as he delivered his last words in all of our conversations.