Common Courtesy in Communicating

You abruptly walk out the door sighing in frustration. You hang up the phone suddenly, glad that conversation is finally over. Or, you end up not even responding to that text message because you know responding won’t get you any further than the headache that started when you first saw the text. We’ve all gotten up in arms over a misunderstanding when speaking with someone. Well, a few considerations can help make things a little clearer.

First things first, as much as we like to give our opinion on an issue, refrain. That’s right. Stop. Take a moment to see it from the other person’s point of view. Sometimes, we believe we have heard the other person because we are able to voice our thoughts instantly, but what we’ve actually done is jumped to a conclusion without hearing all the facts and many times, the feelings that are involved. Listen without judgement. The best conversations are where both people not only feel heard but they both can come to a mutual understanding.

While a mutual understanding is what you want for both parties, if you’re anything like me, you can be so terrified about what the other person might say that you continue on talking without any regard to what the other person is saying. It’s not something I intentionally do but over talking is a big barrier to fulfilling chats. Instead, I just allow myself to feel that fear and wait to see what that person will say. I must let my past experiences of being invalidated go and plunge ahead to the opportunity to be heard, felt and understood right now. I can’t be the only one who has been judged their feelings. I know what it’s like to be misunderstood so I do my best to hear people out.

Then there’s that dreaded phone call that has gone on for much longer than you intended. You just want it to be over with but the other person has gone off on a tangent. You can fix that by simply bringing the conversation back to a positive note before stepping away. That’s right. No more blocking someone or avoiding those difficult topics. Just remember to take a step back when you’re overwhelmed with too deep of a conversation. Conceding to be a listening ear when you’ve had enough is just as bad as over talking because you‘re just going along to get along instead being true to your need to be done with it.

And last time you checked, you realize you still don’t know what to say to the text that seems like that person’s entire world just fell apart. You can either give them a call just to let them hear your voice or just acknowledge what they said by summarizing it back to them with an empathy statement. Believe it or not, just knowing that another person has heard you or understood you-not just said they were sorry or gave you unsolicited advice, is all that some need when it comes to communicating effectively.

Fill yourself up with little everyday victories in communicating and use them as big wins instead resorting to arguments or avoidance. Be uncommon in an ordinary world and use these tips to have better conversations that end peacefully whether you both agree or disagree. Take a one minute pause. That’s a victory. Say what you heard them saying, not what you think they meant. Another victory. And at the very least, find a quote or poem that conveys what you mean to say and text that to someone. That’s a big win. Conversation is an art. Let these tips be your brush.