Bullet Proof?

I see the gun raise, see the flash, and hear the pop! Pain! Everything goes black, all thoughts are gone save one...

"This could be the end, this might be the one that actually kills me!"

This might sound a little bit dramatic, but please just hear me out. Words can kill! I remember the old chant that I was taught by a teacher standing outside the elementary school gym when I was 7 years old...

"Sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me."

Oh man, what a lie!

I wish that someone had walked over at that moment, to that 7 year old red headed kid and said,

"Geoerl, that's just simply not true!"

Sticks and stones may bruise you for a week or even a month, but names and harsh words can haunt you for life and sometimes even kill your spirit, if not your physical body.

I remember walking home that day and the bullies that were giving me a hard time were now following me at a distance with their continuing slurs and their best insults. I didn't care much, (except I did) so I just continued walking. Eventually one of my good friends saw what was happening and started to run to catch up with me. Something happened at that moment that I look back on now, that shaped the person I was to become.

As he ran past the bullies, they started to call him names and yell slurs and threaten to beat him up if he didn't stay out of it. That was it, you can call me what you want but you better not mess with my friends!!

I turned around, picked up the biggest rock my little 7 year old hand could manage and threw it as hard as I could!

I felt like David, as I let the rock fly. He must have had the same sense of terrified excitement that I was feeling at that exact moment, thinking...

"Goliath is gonna get what's coming to him now!"

As the rock flew through the air I was in awe that it was perfectly on track to hit in the same place that David's rock hit! It whistled through the air almost in slow motion and hit the target just above the left eyebrow. Blood began to flow immediately, and the young boy fell to the ground in a heap! Victory!!!

Well, not so much... in actuality, my little arm did not have the strength to get to the bullies with the smooth stone that I had picked up. Instead, it fell short by about 6 feet and hit my friend right above the left eye. Blood did began to gush and the boy did slump to the gravel, but it was my buddy, not the bully!

What did I just do?

You see, my intention was to defend my friend, and in later years I would find myself more interested in protecting others than myself. Only at 7 years old, my aim was off and my arm was weak.

I walked Johnny home and had to explain what I had done to my mom who had happened upon us as we were walking. She slowed to a stop with a horrified expression as she saw Johnny with blood still dripping from the wound above his eye and me with my arm around him trying to console a sobbing 7 year old.

I thought maybe our parents would understand what I did was actually heroic, if not for the short comings of my throw. In actuality, I was in big trouble. I learned that day that violence was not the answer, even if it was called for. (I sure thought it was called for.)

But, back to the bullet, since I began this journey of listening to my heart and my Father instructing me to follow my calling and my dreams, I have had to answer questions from friends and strangers alike.

"What is your plan?"

"How will you make money?"

"What's gonna happen when you lose everything?"

Every time it was like a bullet to the chest. Yes, I am secure in the fact that I have heard the Lord correctly, but even still, the questions challenge my resolve and even my ability to hear.

I told someone the other day it's like being shot in the chest while you are wearing a bullet proof vest. IT STILL HURTS... A-LOT!

I fall to the ground in agonizing pain thinking...

"...this might be the one that ends my dream."

But, then I look down and realize I'm not bleeding, I am still breathing, and I can move my legs! So I push myself up to a sitting position and try to politely answer the question with conviction.

Here is the thing, knowing who you are, and what your calling is, becomes that bullet proof vest, my enemy will not destroy me as long as I am "wearing" that truth as my bullet proof vest... There is a story about a young man, Gideon, it says that Truth put Gideon on like a cloak. It's one of my favorite stories and shows the trust that hasd been given to us. Likewise, it is also advisable to wear Truth. You should always be surrounded by the truth, not only will it protect you, It will encourage, and pick you back up when you get knocked down!

I remember sitting with Paul Young, Author of "The Shack" and he asked me this question...

"What if, what if you do? What if you lose everything? Will you still follow after your dreams and continue to trust?"

I think I answered fairly quickly at the time.

"Yes of course!"

But that question has come back to me over and over again and I realize it's a pretty enormous question.

I have asked,in my heart, on more than one occasion...

"Is that what is required of me? For my family to lose it all? Because I will, you know."

Eventually, my mind comes back to what I know, and I resolve the conversation with this statement.

"I know who I was created to be, and I do not believe that my purpose is to be destroyed."

So I will continue to trust in one that actually gave everything up for His dream...Do you know what the dream was? The dream was me?

By the way it was you, too!

Eventually I will be able to stand upright again, for now... sitting is okay. But tomorrow?

...Tomorrow I get up and I begin to run!