Brainstorm series. Young adult struggles.

Becoming an adult might seem an exciting thing.

Don't get me wrong, it is! When I was a child, I remember vividly how excited I was for the future. I imagined living in the city, going to work, and walking home, and then it seemed like such a dream. A young mind of mine was a lot excited for the future. But in life all good things have downsides. As of now, I am facing adulthood and the happiness I had when I was still a child is somehow lost. And that's what I am going to be talking about today.

I pity that excited happy child now. I wish I could tell her to savor the moments you have now because everything seems better any time else but now. And it is true. Have you ever wondered about the past and thought about how back then everything was better? Because same! I also remember that it did not feel that way when it was happening. Becoming an adult and growing up feels like the whole world is going upside down and there is nothing anyone can do about it because it is time, and you can't stop the time. The hardest part I am struggling with is to adjust with complete independence. I grew up where I was surrounded by people always giving me something to pass the time with. Either helping with simple everyday tasks or doing my own tasks for school. It was like I was given assignments all the time and I guess my mind just got used to that. And now years later I am sitting in my living room alone and thinking about what to do with my life because there is no one around me anymore to tell me what to do. There are no deadlines on things anymore. It's just a load of free time and confusion that is filled with binge-watching and pointless wondering.

I went thru a phase where I was angry at the whole school system for not teaching me how paying bill system works. I got past that because I ended up learning about it on my own.

I moved away from people I knew my whole life and grew apart from them. There was a time I couldn't handle not seeing or talking with the people I used to talk to almost every day. I hardly can say that I got past this because there are still moments where I want to casually call them and just tell them about my day and then I get reminded that, if I would do that it just would be weird and a bit selfish. Selfish because you would paint a picture about relationships that do not exist in present.

The one thing about becoming an adult is not seeing yourself that way. Seeming too old to be a teenager and too young to be taken seriously by other adults. For me looking in a mirror every day seems bizarre. How did I get this far? Loads of people liked me before mostly because I was just following the crowd and being helpful and a good child. Now I find that those same people who liked me before are disappearing from my life, one by one. That's the bad side of adulthood. People you used to know from head to toe becomes strangers now. It's sad. Some recover from it, some don't.

It's hard to let go. Even harder than letting go is moving on. Moving on would mean finding something else to fulfill the time with something new. For me, I found out recently that I enjoy learning all kinds of pieces of information and using it, letting it out in writing. Like right now. I am confused but I am trying to figure out by doing something I enjoy.

I wish for every young adult. When it gets hard, try to work harder. Even if you're at the point that you don't see a point. That's the thing. There isn't one. We are so used to get the answers to all questions we have that if we don't have one, we get stuck. I am stuck too. For most of the time, if not all the time. Life only gives you things you can handle. Every obstacle is made for you to learn and get smarter the next time it happens. I don't have the answers for most of the things I want to know, and I like to think maybe not knowing something might be better.