Being me and Being a Writer

I am a student, writer, carer, and wife. Before this, I was also a parent, student, and person with disabilities (some of which I still have). I was unconfident, always thinking I couldn't do anything, even though I was always told I was good at many forms of writing at school. It was only after my children grew up that I realized I had a need to be able to do something with my life. I was unable to find work because of disruptions to my education, mental health, and because many employers were discriminatory due to my learning disabilities and my mental health problems, leaving me feeling useless and incapable. It has taken me from my teens up to now (44) to decide where I as a person wanted to be in life, and what I wanted to achieve. I chose writing, and my passion for that has developed in more ways than I could have ever wished for.

When I first re-started this goal, I had no idea what to write about. It had been so many years since I had written, that I had to teach myself how to do it again. I started by picking up my reading and finding out how other people write. This gave me many ideas, though to start with I stuck with the safety net of life stories because I wasn't sure I could write any other way! I had so many different ideas going through my head, but the idea of the public seeing these made me cringe. I wrote on serious topics and very light fiction, but I wanted to advance as I had also been reading steamy shifter stories and other sex stories. I was afraid to let my imagination go because my past was still haunting me, and I felt like a traitor to myself for writing them. I wasn't sure where I could share these stories, or how I was going to do that safely, so I asked around and learned about the NSFW policies, and I am still learning about this today.

I wanted to be unique and I started by creating stories in the 'filthy' community here on Vocal. I hadn't written many stories like those before, but I had read stories that were similar to mine, which had evoked my imagination to a point of wanting to lie naked on the floor all day long because of the heat and thrills being created there! Eventually, I broke the 'clean safety net' and decided to try it. I was cringing while getting thrilled by the stories I was writing, one based on sexuality, the other a very steamy shifter story, my confidence soon began pouring in, and the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. I even discovered that I was, in fact, enjoying writing these sex-steamed stories, maybe a bit too much (ahem!).

I was creating images of wild scenes in my head, almost picturing them in a film which led me to some very hot wild scenes for my stories. I came up with two, one was based on shifter stories I had read and the other based on exploring sexuality and relationships. During this process, I was also exploring myself, my fantasies, and my bi-sexuality even more I was learning to come out of hiding, and open up. I was also able to recognize that my confidence levels and self-esteem were increasing. These were obstacles in the past that blocked my ability to write on many things not just important to me, but also as a writer. I now write a wide range of stories and serious issues from adult fiction, life stories, and daily issues affecting life. I have widened the range of topics that I write about, and in return, I have discovered a more fulfilling, happier part of me who can confidently take oneself out of the safe boundaries and into unknown areas of writing.

This journey has taught me to simply be who I am as an individual and, as a creator. I am a strong, creative, imaginative person but I am also caring and protective of others around me. I care about other issues such as parenting, mental health, and other things, but I am also allowed to retain my own adult identity and pleasures because I am an individual in my own right. I have every right to explore myself as a person and allowing myself that right, has also enabled me to show all my truest colors with no shame. Through writing, I have learned to ask for what I want and express myself in ways I never thought I'd have the confidence to do. I am no longer 'the girl in the box,' I am finally the woman I always wanted to be, sexual, expressive, creative and, fun.

Writing has changed me in so many ways. I am able to be more unique and individual now than I have ever been, and career-wise, I am on the right path to building that up with writing, which is where I wanted to be in the first place. You can discover so much more about yourself through writing, and it does increase your confidence, for me, I had to overcome many fears of getting myself out there, learn to ignore the critics (and there are plenty!), and write in my own voice. Writing in your own voice helps create content that is unique to you, it allows you to focus on your own beliefs, style and, voice, which can enable you to let go and create amazing content.

Writing also taught me about how I manage my work and time. There are times when I write all day and forget to eat and take breaks. I would become so engrossed in my work, that I often forgot myself as a person. I realized that when my children were young, I would also get into this pattern of not eating, not breaking, never sleeping. I now make time for those things, because 'a cranky writer is not an effective writer!'

I hope that many of you budding writers will read this article and take my words away with you. Writing can teach you all kinds of things about yourself and it can help you decide which career path to take. For me, it has taken me down the path of writing as a career, but it can take you down all kinds of possibilities as you learn to become the person that you want to be. I was able to discover all kinds of setbacks and work through them because of the gift of expression that writing can offer. If you want to read my steamy sex stories follow the links below:

https://vocal.media/filthy/triangles-of-love

https://vocal.media/filthy/romancing-the-wild

Should you not want to read the above links, you could read these:

https://vocal.media/psyche/we-all-have-color-in-our-personalities

https://vocal.media/horror/we-saw-a-real-ghost-and-we-are-not-joking

To find out more about my upcoming book which is a story about mental health and relationships, please visit this link:

https://www.indiesunited.net/carol-townend

I love writing and your hearts really make me melt. Tips are appreciated too, as they enable me to buy resources that keep me learning to write well. Remember, tips are optional, but hearts are loving and they are always free! Thank you for reading my story.