Be You, Not Them

Do you ever find yourself aimlessly scrolling through social media channels to discover that you're getting increasingly miserable? It is a feeling that your life doesn't measure up to those you follow or some random person who invades your explorer feature. You can't help but feel like there must be something amiss in your life that you aren't going to exclusive parties or traveling to picturesque locations. Sometimes your thoughts might be, "what do they have that I don't?" Or you see someone that exudes an enormous amount of talent and skills, and you feel like you were standing in the wrong line as you received talents and abilities. Congratulations! You're normal, and I'm here to tell you that it is entirely okay to feel like this. And I also to say to you, stop it right now! Because you're doing more harm than good.

I've had times in my life when I've looked at friends and thought they get all the opportunities. Cruel commentary about my worthiness bombards me, courtesy of the internal voice questioning my station in life. It doesn't seem fair that everyone else is worthy of walking down the streets of gold. The answer is as simple as to why I'm not enjoying the perceived joy; because I'm not them. I wasn't supposed to be them, because I'm supposed to be me. I possess all the tools required to live my life—the passion for baseball, food, dogs, business, and self-improvement—the gift of empathizing with others who are struggling. A strong faith in my belief system to know that my battle with paralysis and arthritis is a blip in the grand scheme of things. It's not always fun or glamorous to be me, but I'm the only one who can do it. Is it possible to have my version of the things that I see others have, of course! Will I achieve them the same way as they did, probably not. There are times where I wish I had a typical life, but then it wouldn't be mine. I'm not supposed to be them, I can only be me, and you can only be you.

It is possible to silence the voice of comparison that lives in our heads, but it's not easy, because that voice can be a real jerk. Over the years, I've found tricks that help make the living conditions in my head enjoyable. It is something that anyone can do to take back control of your life. All anyone can do is control the right now, and have faith that our current decisions will have positive effects on our future. The tricks I'm about to disclose have not only worked for me but also for others who have had to fight with being discontent with who they are. I believe that if you try these, you will see an improvement in how you approach your life because I've seen it in my life.

In the last few years, I've become interested in the philosophy of stoicism and consistent meditation practice, and I will get into a description of the process. It all comes down to being content with the current situation and being more mindful of your daily activities. Life is complicated enough, and it doesn't need our help in making it more so. Here are some of the tips I've found that have worked for me.

• Awareness Usually, people don't know that they are comparing themselves to others. It seems so natural when it's happening. You turn on your phone, open your favorite social media app, and start scrolling, and before you know it, you're in a web of why or why am I not. The best way to avoid mindlessly, comparing yourself is becoming more mindful of your thoughts. I recommend taking the occasional digital detox to refocus on the good things in your life.

• Stop it! After you're aware that you're making these comparisons, stop immediately and acknowledge what you're doing, but don't feel guilty or mentally cuss yourself out. Just be aware and change your focus onto something more productive such as going for a walk, or creating something, or give meditation a try.

• Count your blessings. It's essential to change your focus from others may have, to noticing the blessings we have in our lives, instead of what we lack. We have the opportunity to see how lucky we are. Remember always to express your gratitude for all that you have, because if you are grateful, then there won't be time to compare.

• Focus on your strengths. Instead of only seeing weaknesses, look at your strengths, and if you don't know what yours might be, ask the people in your life. And celebrate them! Don't brag, but feel good about them and use them to your advantage.

• Be okay with imperfections. Guess what? We're a messy, imperfect human being. Logically we're fine it, but emotionally we tend to hate it. We work at overcoming our imperfections. We will achieve perfection in this life, but if you try to be a little better the next day than you were the day before, you're on the right path. Those imperfections make you, you.

• Don't knock others down. We get it in our heads that if we criticize others, we'll feel better about ourselves. No one ever truly feels better when you make someone feel bad about themselves, and then you end up with an enemy. A friend would be a better way to go because you'll be able to support each other. Other people's "outsides" can't compare to your "insides." If we humanize instead of idealizing, we might realize that they could be suffering as much as the next person.

• Focus on the journey. Some of us are late bloomers. You'll find that many of the world's most successful people were too, and they went on to accomplish remarkable things. Maybe, it's just not the right time for you. What's important is what you are becoming, learning, and creating. It's not about where you currently are. It's where you end up at the end of the journey. If you must compare, compare with yourself, because everyone has a past, and they are bumpy and messy, but it's all part of the journey.

• Learn to love enough. If living with the idea in mind that you must have more is what gets you up in the morning, you will never be content. No matter how much you accumulate, you will have an empty feeling. Learning that you have enough will be very satisfying, and it will lessen the comparison anxiety. I'm not saying don't try and progress and improve your situation, but appreciate what you have at the present moment and improve what truly matters. It doesn't hurt if you repeat "Money Doesn't Buy Happiness, And Never Will."

If we keep in mind that we're all flawed people trying to survive with minimal damage, and causing even less, it will be much easier to avoid comparing our lives with others because everyone is suffering in their way. Always remember to Be You, Not Them.

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