Baby Steps Is Best

The old English idiom has it 'softly, softly catchee monkey' - or 'slowly, slowly', but it's the same thing.

You see, it's about patience. Baby steps. Don't try to do too much at once.

We are all guilty of it at times. In a fit of pique or an excess of zeal, we make promises (even if only to ourselves) that we will change, that we will improve and become our best selves, start living our best lives: And in truth, at that moment in time, we mean it, too.

But what happens is...life. Life happens. It gets in the way. It doesn't cooperate. It makes things awkward. Say you commit to no alcohol for the next six months, a laudable goal, but within 72 hours you can be certain someone will be on the phone inviting you to an event with people you would kill to be with at which booze will most certainly be consumed. Aargh! How to respond? Well, usually, you give in, You rationalise the decision and forgive yourself because clearly, you couldn't have known that this was going to happen, could you? Except, of course, you could.

There is a business saying to the effect that you should always under-promise and over-deliver. Your boss asks when she can have that report. You think you might get it done by Thursday, but it is better to say 'by close of business Friday' because if you do then deliver on Thursday or even Friday morning, she will be delighted.

So it is with improvements we are making for ourselves. Don't make a promise never to eat a dessert, to always be in bed by 10 pm, to never go out on a weeknight: You are setting yourself up to fail and risk throwing away all of your commitments and good work to that point over a simple (and predictably flawed) promise that you can't keep.

We do all also tend to make these (slightly delusional) promises in batches: I'll get an earlier night every night and I won't drink and I'll lose the weight and I'll be kinder to people and I'll go to the gym five times a week. And then when (not if) it falls apart, we give up on everything and find ourselves, vegged out on the sofa at 2 am watching reruns, drinking a beer and eating cold pizza. Not really the point, right?

To be effective, a change needs to become a habit, often meaning we have to reeducate ourselves to replace a previous habit we had. Only when something becomes our default, becomes what we do without thinking about it, have we achieved the sort of change we were aiming for. So make it small, make it easy, make it incremental and make it stick.

Don't say 'I won't drink alcohol' if you are unlikely to stick to it. Say, instead, when I get anywhere, before having an alcoholic drink, I will drink a large glass of water. Doing this means you slake your thirst, so if you go on to have a drink afterwards you will likely sip it, you will drink less overall and will drink more slowly. Small win, easy to achieve. Don't say 'I will always go to bed by 10 pm' because you know you won't. Do other things. Make sure your room is properly dark, so you sleep better when you are in there. Leave your phone in the kitchen on charge. It'll feel weird at first, but the phone in the bedroom is not conducive to sleep and it's an easy enough change to make. Sure, if you have to be on standby all night for an urgent call, then have the phone with you - but only then (and be honest with yourself about that). Make sure you've got a great mattress on the bed and your room and bed are a good temperature for you - not too hot or cold.

Make small but valuable changes and enjoy incremental benefits without stressing yourself out. Baby steps are best.