A Project and Undertaking: A Lifetime Worth Living

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." – Aristotle.

So let me ask you something.

When was the last time you sat down with an excellent book in hand, or when was the last time you longed for that soothing coffee at your local café and pondered the meaning of life? What did that experience feel like? Perhaps you were motivated? Inspired? Invigorated? Whatever the case may be, we all have those moments in our lives where we feel like we can move mountains and slay giants, the sensations of having an enormous impact and genuinely making a change to a world that needs it. However, there is a vast difference between these bursts of inspiration and the consistency required to bring them to fruition. But how many of us genuinely live under that hope?

How many of us are willing to rid ourselves of the mental restraints that say we cannot do something, constraints that declare we are incapable of achieving such a grand feat that we end up quitting before even trying? Lastly, how many of us are honest enough to admit we are guilty of doing the same things now?

There is a famous saying that the wealthiest place is the graveyard because it is a collection of all the ideas and pursuits that were not implemented in society. What pains me the most is the majority of us know this, yet how many of us are willing to act on that knowledge? Nevertheless, it is not just about what we know that can and will change our lives but what we are eager to stride toward.

I want to preface this by saying that we all have a purpose in serving a more significant cause greater than ourselves, specific aptitudes that only we can do. Whether we believe so or not in no way changes the fact that you and I cannot walk in someone else's purpose, regardless of how hard we try. Things are ordained that way universally for an immeasurable end, one of which we cannot help to comprehend fully. Therefore, my and your purpose will be unique to our respective developments in life.

My Passion: Refined & Realigned

What is Refined & Realigned?

Refined & Realigned is a business venture inspired by my relational experience. Whether it was romantic or platonic, failing relationship after relationship seemed to follow me wherever I went. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions and accountability for my words, I blamed everyone else. It was everyone else's fault for my poor behavior, manipulative nature, and deceitful tongue. I bore little to no responsibility if it did not benefit me, and after another failed attempted romantic relationship in 2018, something snapped internally. Whatever this internal dilemma was, it caused me to do a complete 180-degree turn and be the person I want to see myself with in the future. It has shaped me to be a better, more understanding man and motivated me to help others along the way.

I aspire to live a virtuous life that inspires others to do the same. My heartfelt passion is helping people succeed in every sphere of relationships by impressing values, characteristics, and habits that lead to fulfilling lives. This process will be implemented by leveraging social media platforms such as YouTube, Facebook, and Instagram to pave the way. What we currently see when it comes to relationships, dating, love, sex, and what's "masculine" and "feminine" are misconstrued attempts to answer what the other party desires without doing the intrinsic work of first working on our issues before worrying about what the other person needs or wants. If you don't believe me, look at any echo-chambered podcast; whether it's the red-pill alpha-male nonsense on one side or the constant degrading of men on the other, they both hold disdain for one another that needs to stop, and it needs to stop immediately. Human beings, men and women, were created for one another; we yearn for community. We cannot form a healthy assembly if we cannot bear others and allow ourselves to move unilaterally. So let's work on addressing our internal issues, whether it's trauma, sexual abuse, or emotional neglect, so we do not project our hurts and pains, insecurities and feelings of shame, and guilt if we have projected towards the ones we love, cherish, and adore. At the end of the day, every person yearns to be loved, accepted, and understood and to showcase love, acceptance, and understanding. We only get there by doing the intrinsic work in ourselves and becoming the person we want to see ourselves with. If both parties are committed to this mindset, their relationships in whatever respective fields will flourish.

The Refining and Realigning Process

My Passion - The Refining Process

I believe we are all called to be relational assets, but life, trauma, and insecurities make us liabilities to those we are in relationships with. In addition, our outlook on life is directly proportional to how we view others. By and large, if we have a negative perspective about life, that mindset does not stay isolated to one portion of our lives. Instead, it permeates and seeps into every other area of our lives. So what makes us think it will not affect our relationships? If how we perceive relationships is what we receive in relationships, then we must refine our thinking.

Our selfish vices, egomania, intolerance, and being unruly are part of our human nature. Nevertheless, that should hardly serve as an excuse to yield to their persistent will in our lives. Instead, like anything else, these aspects can be unlearned and replaced with healthier traits more conducive to fulfilling relationships.

I hear what you are saying, but what does refinement look like, and what does it mean for me?

Refinement of character means:

• Taking responsibility and accountability for one's actions.
• No longer having an excuse for bad behavior.
• No longer blame-shifting when things do not go our way.
• Addressing and healing from childhood trauma and wounds.
• Getting professional help, albeit counseling, therapy, or both.
• Walking in and understanding intellectual virtues.
• Upholding moral virtues.

These principles involve serious intentionality over an extended amount of time: An etching of the heart.

Imagine this scenario: You are an obscure sculptural masterpiece, but let's say that the knowledge of being a sculptural masterpiece is only revealed to you and the master craftsman. This master craftsman has unparalleled skill and expertise in sculpting, so much so that the level of detail and execution is unmatched by any other artist in the field. You are immaculate, a genuine marvel to future spectators. But at the moment, before you are fully known as that jewel, you are a giant slab of marble. Being the slab, you may have blemishes and imperfections; you may even notice that part of you that makes your lithic heart boil. Yet with these blemishes, the master craftsman doesn't cast you aside like rubble; he cherishes all of what you are and doesn't define you based on your flaws. What the master craftsman sees is his final result when looking at you. The end goal he envisioned in you is now being practically issued. He knows what to chip away and what stays, what is and is not you: Every nook and cranny. He knows you better than you could ever know yourself. As he begins to craft on, let us imagine you have consciousness: the ability to understand what is being done to you. You start to take notes and begin to appreciate how you were made, and in doing so, you begin to admire the master craftsman even more. Those blemishes you thought were detrimental to you have been polished and molded into beautiful junctures in your sculptural journey. Understanding why you were conceived, you finally recognize your value, and your worth is no longer hidden since, in this case, you posture that understanding out. You are finally that sculptural masterpiece you were created to be: A wonder for the whole world to see.

Similarly, many of us are in the same process as the marble slab. We are going through life motions trying to understand our value in society and worth as people. The difference, however, is the marble slab had the master craftsman who kept him accountable for who he was: being the sculptural masterpiece he was created to be. So my question is, who or what holds you responsible for who you are? I by no means want to come off as dogmatic, thinking that I have the answers for life's complexities. I am simply posing a thought-provoking question and sharing a personal conviction because we all need accountability in our lives. We all should have to answer to someone, whether it be a trusted friend, mentor, counselor, or therapist. Find your master craftsman in your life so that you can be the sculptural masterpiece you were born to be.

Okay, the refining process was a lot. So what does realignment entail, and how does it benefit me?

My Passion - The Realigning Process

While refinement focuses more on re-forging a person's character, realignment is more like walking that refinement process out. In other words, it ensures a person's character does not revert to their former dysfunctional ways. Realignment closely resembles the role of a tender, attentive parent when a child makes a mistake, being readily available for whatever they need. It can be considered as an active, practical memory guide that accommodates the virtue while abstaining from the vice.

Understanding Realignment involves:

• Knowing and accepting where we are now and projecting where we would like to be in the future. (Goalsetting)
• Taking inventory of our gifts, talents, and abilities and incorporating them into the refined version of ourselves. (Habit building)
• Deep self-understanding. (In-depth introspection)
• Strengthening our emotional quotient. (EQ)
• Boosting our relational quotient. (RQ)
• Cultivating a solid horizontal (person-to-person) accountability.

We can better understand and love our neighbors by better understanding and loving ourselves. This is a profound accomplishment because we no longer let others determine the type of character and behavior we exhibit since we have a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us. How we love and care for ourselves correlates to how we love and care for our neighbors; we can't control what our neighbors say or do to us. Still, we can control how we respond, and how we respond can either build each other up or fall into the same pitfall of tearing each other down. That choice is ultimately in our hands.

All in All

The same processes I shared with you are the same methodologies I went through in 2018-2023 and are the same practices I use to this very day. Look, this journey is rigorous, and I won't sugar-coat it. The number of times of internalized fights and combative thoughts I had against myself is innumerable. Still, there is light at the end of the tunnel; there is a gained perspective, and although the process took a substantial amount of time and effort over the years and is still hard today, I would never want to tell people to do something I have not done myself. If a twenty-two-year-old like me can experience transformative growth, what more can you accomplish?

I would love to build a community of like-minded individuals with the same goal of achieving success in every relationship sphere. I know everything will not be perfect. We will stumble and fall along the way, but we can say that we genuinely tried to move the relational needle a few degrees in the positive direction. And for those select few who decide to step up to the plate, know that what you're doing produces fertile ground for the nascent generation after you; continue to be their guide of what to become. Leadership is using our strength to serve others; you, friends, are doing just that. Serve boldly, live meekly, and love unconditionally. That is a life worth living. Go in Peace.

Grace and Serenity,

Dailyn Townes