A Letter to My Younger Self

Even though I'm only 20, and some would say I am too young to be writing a letter to my younger self, I think it's always good to reflect and remember previous events. That is how we grow, after all, isn't it? So here it is: what I would say to a much younger me.

To Me at Age 5

Dear little girl,

I know you have fallen for this boy at such a young age, your first silly crush! The first of many you'll have through your life. I know you write about him in your small diary, dreaming that he'll be your Prince Charming. You want to be his princess and live in that castle made of sugar (Side note: I wish this was satire, but I literally have a journal entry from kindergarten stating exactly that! No lies here! LOL anyway...). You always dream of finding your love, even so young. Just wait and see—that never actually changes!

You're so full of life and happiness galore! You want to be a teacher, or a librarian for sure! You love reading books, you could read to your stuffed animals for days! Please never let go of this interest as it comes to grow with age.

To Elementary School Me

Still wanting to be a librarian, I see? Good for you, stick to your guts! Though you'll change your mind, just wait and see. You'll lose many friends in these years. I know it hurts, but don't worry, my child. They weren't worth your time or your kindness at all. This is just something that happens with time.

Another crush that you have? Oh my, does it end? Your mind needs to run many miles a minute, I see, so sticking with a crush to think about suits your wild mind.

Let me give you a hint, to put your mind at ease. Though I imagine with you, the opposite will happen. Your true love is near, you'll see in time. He notices you even when you have no clue. You know his name, though you hardly speak. Just wait and see, everything will make sense soon, I promise!

To Middle School Me

Here we are again, with another "true love." You're always looking for the one you love most, aren't you? Calm yourself, child, the one for you will come! Look around, he is there, though you still don't know it yet. He sits in the back of the band in class. Though you still don't pay him much attention just yet, he notices you with every breath. It will come as a shock when you learn the truth.

Another thing here: Don't listen to them. I know you get teased and bullied, my friend. They are just jealous of you and the beauty you hold. Who cares if you're skinny with no meat on your bones? I wish I could be helpful and tell you the changes, but you're stuck being skinny with not much up top. But, if it matters to you, your true love doesn't care. He thinks you're perfect, small frame and all. And enjoy high school, though it wasn't much fun at all.

To High School Me: The First Half

To you I have the most to say, for so much has happened in this short time, you'll see. You'll stay with your closest friends all throughout high school, and for a few years after. Then you'll drift away. Don't worry, it's for the best—they weren't very good anyway.

I know that you're sad and you don't know what's wrong. Who would have thought the happiest person on the outside could have such darkness brewing within? Can I tell you a secret, one you'd really like to know? Although your future looks bleak right now, I know, you need to hold on for there's so much in store. You get over this darkness in time. I'm not telling you to be cliche, or because it's the right thing to say. It's because I made it to 20 and came out on the other side, seeing a much brighter world with a reason to live!

Here's another thing: That boy you've been infatuated by? He's going to break you down. He's going to play you for years, and you won't want to leave. You're not together and you will never be. I know that it's hard to see it this way, but soon you'll be fine and away from him. I wish I could tell you to leave and to run. You probably should because is toxic, but I don't want you to. I still now look back on him and smile. The memories you shared are quite amazing. I envy you, actually, for being with him now. You have his attention, something I've lost. And if you wonder if you'll ever get over him? I can tell you right now that's likely a no. Because I'm almost married now, and I know if he called I would be there so fast. He'll still give you butterflies, no matter what trick you'll use to forget.

To High School Me: The Second Half

I had some much to tell you, I had to split it in two. I know you're still falling for that boy; he's pulled you in just like I said he would, didn't he?

Well, guess what! Remember that boy I always mentioned was in the background? Well, soon you'll find out who he is! You're actually really good friends with him and he likes you a lot—beyond comprehension, honestly. You're about to enter the best relationship you'll ever have—your first and your final, to be exact. How do I know, you ask?

I'm engaged to him. By now you must know who he is. And I know you. You'll fight and claw your way away from him, but let me tell you. You are never faster than he is. He always finds a way to love you more and more. Don't fight, just accept. He'll never leave you. Period. I bet you're wondering why you never saw it before. I know right now if someone told me I'd move out and be engaged to this kid, back in high school, I'd laugh right in their face. Hard. But it's true, you love them so much. Four years and an engagement later, you'll be okay.

In high school you'll learn who you are—a strong, independent woman who lets no one stand in her way. I admire you for the woman you are, and for the woman you're soon going to become.

And one last thing before you're all on your own, smile my dear.... everything is okay now. You've made it. I promise.

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Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed! I had so much fun writing this! If you want to read more, check out the rest of my Vocal and if you're interested in arts and crafts, check out my blog!