3 Ways to Stop Feeling That Your Life Is Getting Out of Control

As an almost Type A personality, I love working and finishing my tasks. When I am typing away on my laptop, completing my assignments before time, it leaves me with a deep sense of accomplishment. I thrive when I hit the submit button before everyone else does.

This gives me a high, like nothing else.

As expected, I do not do well under pressure. If I get multiple submissions and deadlines in a short frame of time, I lose my sanity. I find it difficult to deal with these cloudy and rainy days.

Even small failures are generalized to everything else. If I get late for some project, my instant thought is that ‘I am a failure’ instead of the negative feeling being limited to the task.

In cognitive psychology, this is known as a cognitive bias. A cognitive bias is a distortion in thought patterns. They develop as a result of the human brain’s efforts to simplify information and make sense out of it.

As a result of such biases, I end up feeling that all the control I have over myself and my life is slipping away. As someone who loves having control and working hard, this results in me panicking and blacking out.

To cope with this, over the period of the past couple of years and my training as a psychologist, I have devised certain strategies that I use extensively to get out of the feeling that life is spiraling out of control.

Do not just make to-do lists — chart your entire course of action

Initially, I used to devise to-do lists to cope with this sense of losing control.

It did work however, after some tries I realized that it was only helping a little. I would still feel anxious about the task at hand and how to go about it. The fear that I would break down and not able to do things in the given period of time would still haunt me.

The control over my life would feel like an illusion.

So I started charting the entire course of action. Instead of making a list of things to do on a daily basis, I started taking one activity and developing a chart map of that only.

This has really helped me with the anxiety about uncertainty and gaining confidence in my life.

How to do it

Write down the task that is making you feel that you're losing control.

Draw a horizontal line under it.

Start writing dates and what you will accomplish each day. (Like a timeline)

Make sure to draw a box after every date and write a detailed plan about the course of action.

Bring your mind to a calm

As much as I feel an intense urge to start work when I am panicking, I have learned that not going to work immediately is not a bad idea at all.

The extensive planning is good. However, in order to actually get into the grind, I can not go straight with crippling anxiety.

When I am developing such timelines, I am usually all panicky. The assigning of work relaxes me but I can not give my best with any anxiety spiraling around in my body.

I need to relax.

How to do it

Try the 4–7–8 breathing exercise. This is my favorite way to calm down and I start feeling the effect within 2 cycles. Here, you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it in for 7 seconds and then exhale through your mouth for 8 seconds. This has an almost immediate tranquilizing effect on my mind and body.

Try JPMR. Jacobson Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a great way to let the stress flow out of your body. This technique requires you to tense a particular body part for 15 seconds and then let it go over 30 seconds. You can follow this video.

Gratitude journal. It has been found to induce positivity and improve self-esteem.

Self-care. When stressed, take a break and spend the entire day pampering yourself with your favorite activities. I love reading and using face masks for my self-care days.

Do not do anything about it

I have seen a lot of people not talking about this step. In my experience, some days, it is essential to not do anything.

You do not immediately have to get into working to bring a sense of control. It is perfectly alright to slump back and cry about your misfortune. Scream out your anger. Break things. Research shows that letting go of stressors is associated with long term health benefits.

As long as there is no harm to yourself and others, let it all out.

Wallowing in your pain is alright. If you are not going to acknowledge your pain, you can never let it go. It will stay like an elephant in the room, invisible but behind the stage and affecting your mental health adversely.

How to do it

Write your feelings on a piece of paper. Pour whatever is inside you, out. Talk about what and why of your feeling. Just let yourself feel that in all its glory before you go on doing the work.

Cry. A good crying session has a wonderful cathartic value. According to an article by Healthline, it leads to the releases of oxytocin and endogenous opioid which help in dulling emotional and physical pain.

Sleep. If life gets too overwhelming, sleep for the time being. Put a pause on the problem. Once you wake up, you can start with a fresher perspective.

Final thoughts

As I have applied these techniques in my life, I have found myself dealing with the feeling of losing control in a much healthier way. Earlier, I would just feel terrible about myself and freak out about everything when things would become a tad bit difficult.

One main point I would like to mention is that it's okay to seek therapy if these feelings are too overwhelming for you to deal with yourself. Not every battle needs to be fought alone.