When You Grow Into A Man

My mother's dad wasn't in her life. And that's a long story, and really there were a lot of mistakes made. And my biological father? Don't get me started, he's probably the root reason I made bad decisions and had children with boys who don't deserve the title of a man, despite their age.

Your sister's father does the bare minimum and cries crocodile tears to lawyers and judges, just to act stupid when no one important is watching him. He makes my life hard just to spite me because I'm the only one not scared of him enough to stand up to him. And the other half of your DNA? Don't make me laugh.

But it just so happens that our life is filled with admirable men. You have your Grandpaw... my mother's husband. He adopted me as an adult, and the age difference is strange - but you will learn when you are older that love is love, and it's beautiful. It doesn't matter who you love, what gender they are, what age they are, where they come from, or who you are, or what you have done. Love is love. And it is beautiful.

When you grow into a man, I hope you get the temperance, patience, open-heartedness, and all-out unfaltering powerful love of your Pawpaw. I hope that when you find the person you love, you love them with every ounce of your existence, the way your Pawpaw loves your Noni, despite her being twice his age or having a chronic illness that puts her into terrible agony 24/7/365.

I hope you love your family the way your Pawpaw loves me, and you and your sibling. Without hesitation even though he's only a little bit older, the moment he decided to be my dad, he was nose-to-the-grind all-the-way, my dad. He discarded his notions of youth, did what he needed to do to grow up and be a man who bonds with, teaches, talks with, and keeps your secret kind of dad to me. And when both of your sisters, your cousin Carson, and you were born, he was in the hospital room with every one of you. And he was the first man to hold each and every single one of you.

Your Grandpaw is an amazing man, and that is why you have his middle name as yours. So I pray with all of my heart and soul that when you grow into a man, you somehow inherit the purity of your Grandpaw's unselfish love.

Grandpaw's not the only amazing man you can learn from. Your Uncle Mike? Now that's a feller to look up to. He's goofy, funny, flawed, and impulsive. But, let me tell you there are very few people in this world who are as determined and dedicated as your uncle. He will take on any challenge. For two years, while mommy struggled financially he took care of us AND him and aunty. He worked 2 jobs, sometimes three, to make sure we had a roof over our heads.

When I was pregnant with you, he would take care of me when I would have my low blood sugar seizures. Your uncle saved our lives more than once, more than twice, and in fact, I couldn't even tell you how many times he saved us. He wore himself out, and even when he was sick he kept going. Just to make sure his family was taken care of. That his nieces and unborn nephew had food, electricity, water, and a roof over their heads. He just kept going. He was super strong for everyone until your dad came into the picture.

That doesn't mean you never feel down, by the way. Your uncle is strong, but when you're that strong and take care of that many people you're going to get tired, physically and emotionally. Just know that we're the kind of family that when one of us falls, we sit down with you, and take care of you. And then we help you up. We've done that with Uncle Mike. And we'll do that for you too. Just know that it's okay for strong men to fall. The great thing about falling down is that when you get back up, you prove that you are a lion.

He also is extremely forgiving and loving. This is important - because someone has to offset your Carolina Reaper Pepper spicy aunt (don't tell her I said that. Lol I love you, sis!). It takes a lot of strength, emotionally and mentally, to be able to forgive people the way your uncle does.

So when you grow to be a man, I hope you have the unwavering dedication to the things you love, the determination, and the strength of your Uncle Mike.

And then there's your dad. He's not your biological one, but he's adopted you, the same way your Grandpaw has adopted me. In every sense of the word. We're just waiting on legalities and you will have his last name. When I look into your sweet almond-shaped eyes, there is no better comfort to me than that he is here in our lives. You are always going to be Mama's boy, but it's going to be your dad's wisdom and the little natural nuances you're going to inherit from him as you grow up.

He's teaching you and your siblings already so much. He's showing you how to behave, he's showing you what a father's love truly is. He will be here forever you how a dad should be. He's going to teach you how to treat a lady, and he's going to coach you through your first, second, and maybe third heartbreaks and how to persevere over that. He's going to teach you what it means to be a man. I'm going to watch you grow up with him being there to teach you everything that a mom can't. And I can't wait to see what the outcome of what we teach you and your siblings will be (that does NOT mean you're allowed to ever grow up!).

When you grow into a man... I hope you learn to be steadfast like your dad. That you will have the confidence to stand with your head up high, no matter what circumstance you're in. To have the wisdom to know when you are wrong and honorable enough to admit it. But to also have the courage to stand up for yourself, and do so with class. To have the ability to communicate smoothly and express yourself freely. I know this seems like a lot of expectations, but I'm telling you, your dad is able to teach you ALL of this... and you're going to do all of this without even having to try.

Because you have these awesome men in your life. And even though I can give advice as your mom, or go to jail for attempted homicide on your behalf, it's going to be your grandpaw, your uncle. and your dad are the ones you want to look up to when it comes to being a man.

As a baby, a boy, you have the brightest eyes and the most beautiful smile. I can tell, as we approach your first year of life that your personality is beautiful. I've noticed how you love making everyone laugh, and how interested and curious you are in everything. When you're holding or trying something new your little face furrows in concentration and you try your hardest. You get frustrated and cry, but even while you're crying, you're still trying. I've noticed the look of adoration when you see members of your family. You're 3 weeks shy of being one year old, and you are already an exceptional baby boy.

I can't wait to see who and what you become when you grow into a man.