What Makes a Father

Father has many meanings. Some may think of Him, who is in Heaven, and imagine that our fathers on Earth replicate His love for us. For others, the role of a father is that of choice and chance. Some others may think of Darth Vader and how he failed as a father. Do you become a father when you are told a baby is being made from scratch by a woman? Or are you a father the first time you hold your baby, look into their eyes, and know you'd never make anything as incredible as this human again? For every man, that is different.

I can't speak for men. I didn't feel like a real mother until I held my baby for the first time. When I looked into her eyes, and knew I was in charge of showing her the world. When I married my husband, he stepped into the role of father for my baby. He, having grown up without a father, was very nervous. However, I can say, without reason. He is incredible. The love he has for this baby is nothing short of authentic. He may not have made this baby, but he will shape who she is. My husband has given her life lessons I learn from every day. One of her favorite books is "What is the Way?" Every night she asks for this book, only to be read by him to her. This book is 26 pages long, and he reads it to her every night without any sign of tiredness or annoyance.

He makes me a better mom, and as a woman who grew up without a mother, I can use all the help I can get. It's interesting how we managed to find one another. I am a daughter of a single father, and he is a son of a single mother.

He is strong and determined. He was raised in a third-world country before coming to America. I am beset by the luck we would have to find one another. He shows her what love is by treating me exceptionally well and being sure to listen to her as well. I have listened to them have conversations, and the child in me yearns to have a father that would have heard me that way.

My father was not sensitive to his two daughters. As a single man raising us, I could tell he did his best. However, over time my father would have more kids and move on. My father is not an active part of my life, nor my baby's. Therefore, I was very protective of the man that should step into my baby's life.

When my husband and I first started dating, I told him that I wouldn't want more children. I was frightened every day, having to be in charge of my child, that bringing another into the world felt impossible. He agreed with me; we would not have more children. Over time, together with the baby, he showed me that we were great parents. We had gifts to bestow on her, and finally, one day, he asked if we could have another.

He had not known the baby until she was two years old; he missed two years. I considered this and yearned to see him hold a newborn baby. I see in him every day the desire to give to the children. When the child asks for anything, he is swift to say yes. When she asks him for his attention, he is present. When she has ideas, he makes them a reality.

I want to see when he holds the newborn and realizes he helped make a life, not just shape a life as he does for his stepchild. However, he does not refer to her as such. He makes me a better mom every day, and he is a fantastic father. I only hope that he feels that way.