Warring Silence

I couldn’t recall the last time I felt exposed. Did I ever feel like this? Maybe by accident. It’s hard to tell, when you’re going through the trenches, filled with blood, sweat and tears. It is always difficult to know the truth when you’re battling for your life. They tell you it’s not a game, it’s hell! They weren’t lying. This was a massacre of unprecedented proportions. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I volunteered. It was almost too good to be true. I should have known it was.

As the air calmed down, I thought back on what started me down this perilous journey. Silence always brings out the darkness within the heart. And I hated mine!

“Who are you?” I remember exclaiming when I first introduced myself.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” came the coy reply.

That was a strange response, I thought. But, then again, we were strangers, so why should my question have warranted an answer? I guess I was being too optimistic back then.

I was always a hopeful child. I wonder what happened to him?

Reality…that’s what.

“An angel?” I responded playfully. I didn’t want to scare her away. But it was an honest answer. She was beautiful.

“If that were the case, would I be here with you?” came her rebuttal.

I smiled, “probably not!”

I cannot tell you why, but I liked her. She was an angel to me. Even though I just met her for the first time, she felt warm and bright. She felt like…hope!

boom…Boom…BOOM!

Not again!

The war sounds were a lot closer this time. But, still, not close enough to be concerned. It sounded like a gentle echo. A low drum reverberating in my skull. It was still deafening at night though, and it still made me anxious.

I took one last look into the night sky and decided to head to bed. There was nothing more I could do here. I will deal with it tomorrow.

“I’m sorry” came a whispering voice.

I snapped my head around and looked hastily to see where the voice came from. My eyes were wide with terror.

“WHO’S THERE?!” I yelled. Trying to hide the fear in my voice, but failed miserably. I sounded like a first grader screaming for his mom. I should have been embarrassed, but I was too scared to even care.

No response.

Maybe it was something in the wind.

“Who’s there?” I exclaimed again.

No response.

The deafening sound of silence permeated the air. I sat still for, what it seemed like eternity, to wait to see if I heard it again. Every muscle in my body tense. Every sense, alert and expecting. Time passed, and nothing came. I could hear no signs of movement or see anyone around. I was alone.

I felt relief flood back into me for a single moment. Then the pain came back. Like nothing I ever felt before. I thought I was strong enough for this war. I thought I could handle whatever it threw my way. I thought I would be okay because I was a good man.

How wrong, I was!

I did the one thing you should never do when you are fighting in a war. I hoped. It is the death of the most valiant of men. And I broke that cardinal rule….I hoped beyond hope! And that was where I lost.

Because nobody was there. Nobody responded. Nobody came. Nobody…ever…comes.

All is truly fair, in “love” and “war.”

And I lost.

I lost the Fight.

I lost the Battle.

I lost the War!

And I was exposed…all over again!