There’s Being a Dad, Then There’s Being a Father

Being a father isn’t all just about pictures and videos and looking good on the outside for others. It’s all about what you’re doing behind closed doors for your actual child and your actual family.

People might see tweets where I’ve talked about funny experiences I’ve had with my son, or might see videos on Instagram of me with my son in a baby carrier and think that I’m smashing it or that I’ve taken it in my stride. But the reality is, I haven’t taken it in my stride at all. This has been the hardest experience of my entire life.

Whether it was the period of quarantine in the COVID-19 pandemic which was hard on everyone, the lack of sleep, or just the day-to-day requirements of what I needed to do, at times (especially in the first few months of our son being here) I felt like I’ve had no idea what I’m doing as a father and parent. My partner is truly a blessing for her efforts and for helping keep things together. I’ll always give her credit as she deserves that and more.

I won’t even lie to you, at a few points in my fatherhood journey I’ve looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this fatherhood thing”. Not saying that I’d ever think of leaving, not one bit because I love my partner and my son and I love being a dad. But this is rather, me staring my deficiencies in the face and realizing that I have a lot of work to do to be able to be the best father possible.

Anyone can be a dad, but not everyone can be a father. Much more is required of you to be able to fill those shoes.

As I see all that my amazing partner has done and currently does with our son (and the list is long), I see where I went wrong even in the preparation for parenthood.

My nature has always been very laid back and to take things as they come, however when it comes to parenthood it’s extremely important to be prepared. It’s important to do research and gain knowledge. Naturally in me not being as proactive with this, I found myself lacking in areas where my partner wasn’t. She prompted certain things for our son in areas I didn’t even think to. The separation was in the preparation.

Upon reflection on my time as a parent this far, I know there have been several instances where I just haven’t been good enough for my partner and my child. Not attentive enough in certain places, not present enough at times, too laid back in areas, lacking urgency and initiative in areas, and with kids, these things are just not excusable because they need so much care and attention. And these things are not excusable, especially at times when my partner has needed me to step up and support her where she has needed to rest.

I know that I have made many positive strides, especially from the beginning of this parental journey, however, I also acknowledge that when it comes to fatherhood, this is not something that I can have ever hoped to wing or half-ass which I have done at times.

With parenthood, there are no excuses. If anything happens good or bad, I am responsible as the parent and caregiver.

For any fathers or soon-to-be fathers out there reading this, this post is for all of us to continue to step up, elevate and be better for our families. We can always be more, but we need to want to be more.

We have people counting on us.