The Speech That Spurred a Little Journey in Self-Reflection

If I had requested, before coming into this life, that I would like to have the best dad, in Bhagwan's (God) magical way, I received above and beyond with my dad.

Looking back through my memories, I realize we are more influenced by our parents than we’re aware of. Parents set an example by simply being who they are, while their children watch and absorb. In this way they mould who we become without having to try.

They give us our first taste of love. By loving us we come to know what love is, how to love, and even how not to love. We know through watching our parents, without realizing it, who we want to be and who we don’t want to be.

Whether it’s a good experience or bad experience, it teaches us, and that’s worth something, because how else do we learn other than through our experiences?

When my dad ran errands, he'd ask one of us kids to come along for the ride. He would take us to Splashdown park and go down the slides with us. He would take us to Flintstone park and go on rides with us. He would take us to the theatre and watch movies with us. He would pile us all into the blue Aerostar mini van and take us on road trips. He would take us to the local swimming pool and, as we weren’t confident swimmers, he would wait at the bottom of the slide to catch us. We had birthday parties at Chucky Cheese or McDonald’s. He was constantly taking us to the public library, because I read books as fast as I could take them out. He took us to Blockbuster video so I could rent the same movies over and over again. We couldn’t afford a lot of luxuries, but he really did his best to make sure we didn’t miss out.

Our excitement on Halloween must have been contagious, because my dad would don a monstrous mask and wrap himself in a blanket to take us trick-or-treating. The parents in the neighbourhood appreciated his effort and he'd end the night with pockets full of candy.

He would decorate our front door and play a cassette of scary Halloween music then hide on the front porch in his mask and blanket. When kids knocked on the door he would jump up and scare them. He retired that antic when he had a little boy so frightened that he ran into our house to hide from him.

Last summer I spent the day at the local fair until it closed. I got into my car exhausted from a day of walking around and screaming on rides. On my drive home I remembered that my dad used to take us kids to the fair every summer and go on rides with us until dark, drive us home, and then go to his cleaning job. It was only a year ago I realized how tired he must have been, because he never let us know. Knowing that he'd be leaving for work I used to ask him,

“Dad, aren’t you tired?”

He’d answer with an energetic no. That did make me feel better, and I would think, of course not, because my dad is the strongest man in the world.

My dad worked nights cleaning restaurants, offices, etc. He had a lot of sleepless nights and days in order to provide for us.

There was a time when my dad was cleaning four places a night. He’d get home in the early hours and wasn’t always able to get to bed. He’s a pundit (Hindu priest), so he'd go out and perform services. He ran a carpet cleaning business and had jobs lined up during the day. He had family stuff to take care of, and he was the only driver in the house.

During that time someone always had to sit in the passenger seat with him when he drove to keep him from falling asleep at the wheel. As children we weren’t aware of any danger, it was fun for us to keep our eyes on him and shake him while yelling 'wake up' the moment his head began to fall, his eyes glazed, and eyelids narrowed.

My dad is a hard-worker and that is one of the ways in which he has influenced me, because I’m a hard-worker. I recognize that quality in others and they are the ones I tend to gravitate towards.

My dad has always been my protector, and that is another trait that has made me who I am today. He knows he can’t get into the ring and fight my battles. Instead he stands in my corner and empowers me to stand up for myself, to not let anyone make me feel less than who I am, and to speak up.

I was the type of kid who got made fun of and picked on in elementary school and high school. I was very shy and didn’t talk much. I was small and skinny. I wore glasses and my two front teeth stuck out, like bugs bunny’s. I didn’t get braces until halfway through high school. I was an easy target. Or so they thought.

When I was in elementary school I told my dad we were being taught to not fight back if we were being bullied, because that might elicit more violence and result in us getting really hurt. Without pause, he leaned toward me and said,

“No, you need to fight back.”

I asked, “What if I get hurt?”

He blanched, then answered,

“If you don’t stand up for yourself, they will always come after you. If you fight back, they will stop because they will know they’re in for a fight if they do. If you don’t defend yourself, you make it easy for them to keep bothering you.”

And so I began standing up for myself. If someone kicked me in the school yard, I kicked them back. If someone made fun of me, I made fun of them back. If someone pushed me in the high school cafeteria, I pushed them back. I'm not the type to ever instigate a fight or promote violence, but my dad was right. I stood up for myself and they never bothered me again.

Standing up for yourself is harder the older you get. Adult life is much more complex. We’re less naive and more perceptive to what’s going on around us. We pick up on the words people say, their mannerisms, and facial expressions. But anytime I’ve been made to feel small, my dad has always encouraged me to speak up. He sees me for who I really am, he sees the good in me, and I think it really agitates him when the world makes me think or feel otherwise.

My dad is the funniest person I know, another trait that has influenced me. I’m not saying I’m funny, just that one of my most favourite feelings in the world is hearing my mom laugh and laugh after my dad cracks a joke. It gives me hope that even after over 40 years of marriage a husband can still make his wife laugh, and that’s what I want.

I love you, dad.